Month: February 2019

The Visit: Home – Returning to Center

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Well, today I return home to husband and children. It’s been an eye-opening and interesting visit with my parents; timely and necessary. Grateful to know that I don’t have to pick back up the burdens I laid down this week – wonderings about the past, present, and future. Rest and peace. My husband reports that the children have been doing exactly what I prepared them to do – without me hovering, so I will try to approach my interactions with them from a new perspective when I return.

I’ve always defined home as “where you find yourself; a mindset.” So if I’m leaving home to go home…what now? Home is in the heart. My journey continues.

“17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever.
18 And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation,
and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places;”
(Isaiah 32:17-18)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: The 13 Stairs – Obstacle or Tool of Ascent?

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I am acutely aware of the fact that my parents move at a different pace, rate, and speed now that they’re in their 70s. In spite of accumulating a few aches and pains to be expected from 7 decades on the planet, they’re both blessed with good health and they remain self-sufficient and able to live independently – for which we’re all grateful. Nevertheless, as someone who tracks steps on a Fitbit daily, I found myself listening during this visit to the way they approached their staircase.

The cadence was different from the spry steps exhibited a few years ago during my previous visits, and I wondered if their staircase was considered friend or foe. After they’d commit to the climb with a sigh or preparatory set of breaths, I heard the running start, the resigned climb, and the carefully accelerating descent. I see the “just in case” cane in the corner and the array of pain-relieving rubs just an arm’s length away from the comfy chair.

I do understand the impact of time on our bodies. However, to see it brought to life in front of my face was eye-opening.

“Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.”
(Psalm 18:36)

“Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.”
(Psalm 119:133)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: Finding Me – In the Midst of Family Foibles

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foibles – a minor weakness or eccentricity in someone’s character

So what family doesn’t have characters with a minor (or major) weakness or eccentricity? Exactly. Family can put the “fun” in dysfunctional. Not sure what I’d planned to find (or not find) out about myself during the introspection of this trip, but I’ve seen, realized, and learned a lot. Like the fact that I like to end up with precisely equal portions of everything on my plate (down to the last proportionate bite) came from the way my dad ate – in a circle from the outside in because he had a plate with a warmer under it when he was young. Or acknowledging that my love of reusing practical and beautiful things played out the same in my home as in the corner where my mom had displayed several pretty gift bags filled with fluffy, sparkly tissue paper in a windowsill. Hoarding? Likely. Justified? Absolutely. Reusable and regiftable? Indubitably.

As much as we like to believe we’re the unique originators, there’s always an origin beyond ourselves. Behaviors, habits, traits, and personality quirks can run in families – and as much as we may try to deny it, we bring much of the baggage along with us on life’s journey. What to do in order to lighten our load? I guess acknowledging is the first step.

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:”
(Proverbs 1:8)

“My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:”
(Proverbs 6:20)

“Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.”
(Proverbs 23:22)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: I Am My Father’s Daughter

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For all that he is and for all he is not, I must admit that I am my father’s daughter. Sitting in the house where I haven’t lived since high school, it was kinda like a slow dawning, even though it was intuitively obvious.

As I ambled to the kitchen for more of mom’s delish organic soup, I saw the “welcome station” stocked with popcorn, fresh citrus water, and other snacks. Then I realized, “As a daughter, I don’t only have access to what’s offered or set out…I can have anything in the house because I am an heir and it’s my inheritance!” I know it’s really simple, but in this moment, it struck me as profound. I peeked under the bathroom cabinet and saw 2 unopened bottles of fragranced hand soap – and knew that I only had to ask if I wanted to take them down the road with me (side benefit of coming from a family of unconfessed hoarders…I know she’s got more soap stashed somewhere else…probably a tip-off from the 4 boxes of Lipton Onion Soup Mix in the pantry along with various groupings of other shelf-stable apocalyptic staples).

Anyhoo, I started to really look at the black-and-white pictures displayed of my relatives I’d never met – wondering what their facial expressions were revealing or masking. And I realized my place in this microcosm called family. And I was grateful to be part – and in this very place, at this precise moment…rife with all its complexities, unanswered questions, and latent possibilities.

“But now, O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.”
(Isaiah 64:8)

“Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.”
(Luke 6:36)

“I and my Father are one.”
(John 10:30)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: Restoration Road Trip

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In the next several posts, I present vignettes recapping The Great Visit of February 2019…

So I just had a #GirlsTrip with my mom from NC to VA; we arrived around 11:30pm. In 18 years of marriage, this was my first trip back home to visit my parents without husband and children in tow. To say that I didn’t quite know what to expect would be an understatement. While understanding how excited my parents (now in their 70s) felt about having me home again and getting my undivided attention, I respectfully requested a few moments to wind down in a room alone for the first night. While the prospect of sleeping late on a Sunday is luscious in and of itself, the idea of a group slumber party on Night One (of potentially 4 nights, if I make it that long LOL) was just a little overwhelming – even with the open offer to share the comfort of their state-of-the-art adjustable bed (my mom is a proponent of communal living). So I’m learning to uphold my personal boundaries – lovingly, yet firmly.

Mama had made some organic soup that was delicious – though she offered me everything from smoothies to hot dogs before realizing that was really what I wanted after our evening jaunt. I laughed at all the Christmas/Valentine’s decorations (yes, only here do wreaths, poinsettias, and a plethora of construction paper hearts hand-cut by a retired schoolteacher in denial of her inner scrapbooker constitute tasteful holiday-appropriate decoration approaching Presidents’ Day in the midst of Black History Month).

As she proudly pointed out her most recent furniture acquisitions, the inescapable presence of historical family accumulations loomed large as clutter lurked behind every closed door. Somewhat apologetically, she gave a reasonable justification for every unfinished home or room improvement project, and I graciously nodded with reassurance that everything was lively and I surely felt welcome and had been provided an exemplary atmosphere to begin my long-overdue R&R getaway.

Glancing at the room’s well-appointed bookshelves, I see the titles overflowing – ranging from inspirational, motivational, and spiritual to health, wellness, and nutrition. And in that instance I realize, “This is my origin. This is where I come from. This is the environment that shaped me.” Instead of fighting my past, perhaps I’ve come home to finally acknowledge and embrace it.

More to come…stay tuned…

“Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.”

(Leviticus 19:3)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart