Old files that I decided to ROLL to the shred bin for the sake of time…and that was just the second load of the second day!

It’s an office move…these things happen every day, all around the world – why is this one impacting me so significantly? Why does it feel like a major theatrical production from my perspective? I mean, how sentimental is it to clean out old meeting agendas and filed, approved, and paid expense reports for a manager I don’t even support any more…and haven’t for over 3 years? She has moved on…why haven’t I? It may have something to do with my college friends recently revealing they nicknamed me MacGyver because I was always prepared. I laughed out loud…I guess I’ve always been the caring nurturer who tried to care for everyone and take care of everything. Until the accumulation became to great to bear – I ran out of emotional capital. So I find myself in more introspection and reflection.

Why the emotional attachment to stuff I haven’t touched in months…or years? I dare admit to myself that it a grasp for security of the familiar. Not that the familiar is even comfortable, but I kinda know what to expect. I know where to look if I need it, and that brings me some tinge of security…but is it a false peace? Is it misplaced trust? Well of COURSE it is, silly rabbit!

If I’m honest with myself, I think it’s because just about every area of my life is going through transition at the same time…and it’s absolutely uncomfortable and terrifying. Yet at the same time, maybe I have a bit of hopeful expectation of something different, better, fresh, not yet experienced. It has the potential to be exhilarating and scary – but yielding great new growth…like in a forest after a brush fire kinda way. New day, new beginnings.

I’ll be sitting in a different seat, in a different position, with a different vantage point. So looking at the same familiar things will appear different. And maybe that’s what God has wanted for me all along…yield, surrender, give in…again…for the first time…another adventuresome journey awaits. Am I ready? It doesn’t matter as long as His presence goes with me, proceeds me, and covers me. And He can do all 3 things at the same time, so I guess all this fretting has been an exercise in corporate futility…kinda like moving 50 feet to say “look what we did!” I reiterate: activity does NOT always equal productivity…but that’s just my 2 cents’ worth.

“6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.”
(Psalm 51:6-8)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart