Month: August 2020

Envelopes of Provision

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Disclosure: This blog post is NOT about getting a physical check in the mail…🙂

This morning, after a couple of days of not feeling my best, I woke up so grateful to be feeling better that I decided to take a walk and watch the sunrise. Ambitious, eh? LOL. I grabbed my water bottle and sunglasses, ready to rack up some steps. About 7 minutes after leaving the house, I felt it: a single raindrop on my forearm. 

I promptly turned around and headed back home, but not before acknowledging the magnificent splendor of the Almighty on display. I marveled at the tropical wind blowing, the clouds quickly overshadowing the sun, and the birds flitting here and there.

I decided to watch the rainstorm roll in from the covert of my porch. I peeped a gecko nibbling on some leaves, realizing I often see them scurrying, but I’d never watched one eat. New experience checked off.

I gaped in amazement as I watched individual raindrops hit the ground and shake blades of grass (or weeds…whatever…it’s still green, and grass sounds more poetic). I usually think of rain in the collective sense…as “a thing” or an entity. This morning, I saw the individual drops coming down and observed each one as a package of provision from the Creator sent to fulfill a specific purpose. One raindrop, followed by another, followed by another in succession over a duration of time yields results: a harvest.

So I thought I’d share my personal object lesson on patience, provision, and the Spiritual Principle of Sow and Reap springing alive before my eyes. In the midst of much turbulence and destruction surrounding us, we have God’s assurance that He cares for us and is attentively watching over us. And that, my friend, is Good News! Stay encouraged…

“Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.”
(Psalm 29:2)
“30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive and green today and tomorrow is [cut and] thrown [as fuel] into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!
31 Therefore do not worry or be anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted), saying, ‘What are we going to eat?’ or ‘What are we going to drink?’ or ‘What are we going to wear?’
32 For the [pagan] Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; [but do not worry,] for your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
33 But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also.”
(Matthew 6:30-33 AMP)

© Copyright 2020 by Kayren J. Cathcart

I Don’t Wanna Go THERE!

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Last night, I made beautiful chicken kabobs, assisted in the assembly process by my daughter, a skilled and meticulous chef in her own right. Red onions, multicolored peppers, mushrooms, and okra from our garden added to the nutritious visual feast.

As I took the sheet pans out of the oven while trying not to dump the chicken liquid, I felt the singe of skin…back of my left hand, near my wedding band finger. The irony that even healthy food can hurt ya loomed heavy. In 20/20 hindsight, I wished I’d used 2 full oven mitts instead of relying on plain ol’ flat potholders to do the job. Too late. In a split-second, I was reminded that I truly do NOT want to go to Hell. 

As a mom, I was gonna “walk it off” with the unsatisfying remedy of the ice cube that slipped into the sink after providing a few short-lived moments of relief. My son recommended that I put on some burn cream…and after 5 minutes, I relented & found myself rifling through the first aid kit. That cream almost sizzled as it soothed. Granted, this was a VERY MINOR burn. Nevertheless, it was no less hot (and my skin no less burned and beginning to wrinkle up), and served as a vivid prompt to keep my heart clean by staying in close fellowship with Christ, and walking daily in love, forgiveness, and grace…because I truly do NOT want to go to Hell. Not for a split-second, and certainly not for eternity… 

“The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God.”
(Psalm 9:17)
“For great is thy mercy toward me: and thou hast delivered my soul from the lowest hell.”
(Psalm 86:13)
“But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.”
(Matthew 5:22)

© Copyright 2020 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Anything BUT Routine: Are You Auditing Life?

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audit (verb) – attend (a class) informally, not for academic credit;
inspect, examine, survey, scrutinize, probe, vet, investigate, assess, check, analyze, evaluate, study, peruse, sift, dissect
audit (noun) – an official inspection of an individual’s or organization’s accounts, typically by an independent body

Most folks who really know me are aware of my natural “night owl” tendencies. When everyone in my house is asleep, I savor the peace, quiet stillness when I can reflect, meditate, and write. However, as the past several months of the “stay at home” routine have been anything but routine, my sleep schedule has gotten unusually whacked out. Being overtired doesn’t really make me wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, so my exercise routine is anything but routine. And everyone knows that when you’re overtired and not exercising regularly, your eating habits are anything but routine. So here I find myself gargling with warm salt water and vinegar since my resistance is lower for the aforementioned reasons.

After I stepped out of the shower groggy and borderline cranky, I brushed my teeth and mindlessly wandered over to step on the scale. Not until I was back in front of the sink rinsing my mouth did I realize that I didn’t even look to see the number on the scale. Probably because I’d already looked before I got in the shower and wasn’t anticipating a pre-midnight fat-shrinking miracle…but moreso because I was just wandering aimlessly. Not intentionally moving with purpose along a determined course, path, or plan – I was “tumbling.”

Earlier in my career, I worked in the Internal Audit Department of a large financial services institution. For this li’l ol’ liberal artsy Southern Belle in a communications role who had never taken an accounting class, it was an eye-opening learning experience. Everything was logically organized in folders (both physical and electronic) – for ease of filing, cataloging, and storage, but also for the purposes of providing historical documentation and proof of process/procedure/policy. If something was missing from the file, it was an outlier during an audit. If something hadn’t been corrected that was called out in a prior inspection, an explanation was required. At any time, a record could be accessed to review the status of a given group. 

When I absentmindedly stepped on that scale the second time, I was immediately convicted of going through the motions – like I was auditing the class of life instead of wholeheartedly embracing and participating in every opportunity afforded. I had succumbed to the mundane instead of committing to create the excellent and extraordinary in the part of my environment that I could control.

I found myself tonight being audited by the Spirit of God (the Supreme Independent Body Who is able to reveal and assess every innermost part) as I’d bobbed along the waves and drifted past the buoys of the “how much longer” saga of coronavirus, weather phenomena, social injustice, political tomfoolery, and the impending apocalypse (that’s been 2,000+ years in the making) instead of keeping my eyes firmly fixed on HIM. I had to admit I was living distracted – and it was showing like a frayed and tattered ribbon unravelling. 

So I did the only thing you can do when a bright light is shined on the dark places still lurking in your heart – I repented. And recommitted to get back on track. Again. Tomorrow morning, I start afresh and anew, grateful for the gift of His amazing grace once again bestowed on me without measure.

“A false balance is abomination to the Lord: but a just weight is his delight.”
(Proverbs 11:1)
“TEKEL; Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.”
(Daniel 5:27)
“Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place.”
(II Corinthians 2:14)

© Copyright 2020 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Cold or Hot?

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My hubby says I must be “part lobster” because I like to take really hot baths.
I guess all that’s missing is some Old Bay Seasoning…

Through my sleep-deprived coronafog this week, I struggled to get a hot bath on 2 separate occasions – but alas, the faucets were not cooperating. I couldn’t figure out why – after letting the water run for almost 5 minutes – it was still tepid…a most unpleasant prospect for us crustaceans. A semi-warm bath just won’t cut it. Two nights ago, I thought extended showers by my wonderful teens who also ran the dishwasher took all of Mom’s hot water, so I reluctantly resorted to a shower when the bath taps still responded barely warm. I was so tired, I almost stomped through the bathroom. I’m intentionally working on my evening wind-down routine after being in front of computer screens most of the day.

Tonight, my candles were lit and I NEEDED a therapeutic bath with epsom salts. So I went to The Fixer, my handy-dandy hubby (who’d just done a masterful job on our subway tile kitchen backsplash – way to go, honey!). 🙂 He checked the hot water heater that was up as high as it could go. Hot water ran from every other faucet but my tub…until hubby turned the other knob. Seriously…I’ve lived in this house (and been taking hot baths in this same tub) over half a decade and still had to guess which handle dispensed the hot water?! (Yes. I guess I choose to use my cranial capacity for more substantial matters). I shook my head at myself in exhaustion, thanked him for valiantly solving my latest crisis, and prepared to settle in for my hard-won hot bath.

It was one of those “womp womp” moments – like when tech support tells you to try rebooting your computer…which instantly fixes the computer issue you’ve been having…and you wish you’d tried that before waiting 30 minutes to get some assistance. My whole family got a good laugh at my expense, but I was too tired to try to defend the foolishness, and I think they had compassion on me.

This true blonde moment couldn’t be covered by my burgundy hair rinse even if I tried. Frazzled by quarantine as we prepped for the start of a new virtual school year (and possibly a zombie apocalypse), I guess I’d gotten my wires crossed, spatial relations whacked out, and looked at something so common and familiar from the wrong perspective. 

Doesn’t this happen to us spiritually more often than we care to admit? Ah, I am evermore thankful for the gift of glorious grace…

“13 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.
14 And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God;
15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.
16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
17 Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:”
(Revelation 3:13-17)

© Copyright 2020 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Getting Away With Murder?

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It’s a really graphic turn of words, but I vividly remember my mom and grandma using it (with tongue-clucking punctuation) to reference unruly chill’uns who were “ackin’ up” and not getting proper or timely discipline for their foolish shenanigans…
(This is Part Two…read Part One of my own foolish shenanigans here)

Perhaps I’ve watched one too many episodes of Cold Case on non-cable antenna TV during this quarantine time (highly likely…along with The Closer, In Plain Sight, Unforgettable, and the iconic classic Perry Mason for my whodunit crime drama fixes throughout the week…because I finished watching all 5 free seasons of Leverage last year), but nobody ever really gets away with murder – literally or figuratively. In the end – even if it’s decades later – the truth comes out.

Confession: So I’ve been inching towards the edge in my eating habits. Like seeing how close I could get to the electric fence without getting zapped. And you know what? It took putting on a dress (withOUT an elastic waistband) to celebrate at my hubby’s recent birthday dinner to show me how the coronapounds have crept (or leapt) upon me. I left 2 inches of back zipper undone and topped my outfit choice with a snazzy sweater to camouflage my transgressive over-eating and under-exercising ways – et voilà! But that didn’t change the fact that the little munchies here and the grazing during endless conference calls there had caught up with me…and were demanding my attention. ZAP!

It took reading my own response to a friend who asked me to check out her recent blog post to bring me out of my delusional, self-deceived reverie of “oh, it’s OK…I’ve just picked up a couple of pounds.” Straight truth, no chaser with a side of full disclosure? No Kayren, you lost over 20 pounds last year…and they all seem to have found you – and brought a few extra friends who wanted to tag along. Whatcha gonna do now?

I encouraged my friend via text tonight – and was immediately convicted:
Don’t ever second-guess what the Holy Spirit has led you to do; it’s NEVER about man’s approval, affirmation, or even acknowledgment. Let God use your work to minister to each reader the way He needs to; all is in HIS capable hands as THE Author. It is posted and published, and HE is doing the work in your readers. Keep moving forward in Him because He has so much more to pour through your available vessel. No looking back! Let it go and move ON!

So why wasn’t I treating myself with the same grace? Why the double standard? Simply put, I’d gotten off-track – thinking I was getting away when I was squarely in His crosshairs, and He was lovingly waiting for me to come into His presence for much-needed recalibration and adjustment.

My prayer: Here I am, Lord…repenting…once again. Thank You for your mercy, cleansing, and patience. You are a loving Heavenly Father to Your children, and I am grateful to be called Your daughter. I present myself for You to continue molding and shaping me into the image of Your Dear Son. Amen.

“But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the Lord:
 and be sure your sin will find you out.”
(Numbers 32:23)

“The Lord is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.”
(Psalm 145:8)

“2 For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed;
neither hid, that shall not be known.
3 Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.”
(Luke 12:2-3)

© Copyright 2020 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Full, But Unsatisfied

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Two weeks ago, I thought this was just a “get it off my chest, rambling personal journal entry.”  But now I realize that I have to post it…because I wrote Part Two (unbeknownst to me) today. So here it is – Part One…may you be blessed by this big ol’ heaping helping of transparent exposure…

Have you ever eaten a meal and been stuffed to capacity, only to realize that it did not hit the spot? Or you worked hard to achieve a significant goal, milestone, or accomplishment, only to experience the same nagging void that was there when you started? Yeah, me too. Utterly disappointing, isn’t it? #EpicLetdown

On far too many occasions through my 4 decades-plus of life, I’ve reached the top of a ladder, only to realize I’d placed it against the wrong wall. I’d achieved a goal, but not the fulfillment to accompany it. So what next?

I lost the (same) 20 pounds (again)…only to regain them (again). I got the new job responsibility, accolade, or recognition…only to realize it wasn’t the adrenaline rush I was looking for after all. I tried the new gourmet recipe and presented it to my family with little acknowledgment for the effort…only to feel my high-flying “mom balloon” deflated amongst the empty dirty dishes.

What was I really seeking? Contentment. Affirmation. Fulfillment. If I’m brutally honest with myself, I know that comes only from being at peace with the will of God – not seeking to check off the next achievement. No matter how many things within my span of control (which admittedly are very few) I tweaked, I only experienced satisfaction when I decided to yield to God’s selected path for me in that season. Even when it wasn’t glamorous or sexy. Especially when it felt mundane and routine (quarantine, anyone?).

So how do we change the narrative? Give it up, and give in. Go back to Square One – HIS plan. Yeah, it’s the one that does NOT look like your plan…but it’s custom tailored to fit you perfectly.

My dietician’s recent reminder that we’re never able to satisfy emotional hunger with physical food was a light bulb “aha!” moment and a real game changer. The same premise is true in the spiritual realm: we’re never able to satisfy our spiritual hunger with anything but Christ…we were created with that void He longs to fill. Don’t get sidetracked by distractions…let us focus on the Lord and allow HIM to fill us during this time when He continues to draw us deeper into His presence..

“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is tried:
he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.”
(II Samuel 22:31)

“He revealeth the deep and secret things:
he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him.”
(Daniel 2:22)

“And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life:
he that cometh to me shall never hunger;
and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.”
(John 6:35)

© Copyright 2020 by Kayren J. Cathcart