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audit (verb) – attend (a class) informally, not for academic credit;
inspect, examine, survey, scrutinize, probe, vet, investigate, assess, check, analyze, evaluate, study, peruse, sift, dissect
audit (noun) – an official inspection of an individual’s or organization’s accounts, typically by an independent body

Most folks who really know me are aware of my natural “night owl” tendencies. When everyone in my house is asleep, I savor the peace, quiet stillness when I can reflect, meditate, and write. However, as the past several months of the “stay at home” routine have been anything but routine, my sleep schedule has gotten unusually whacked out. Being overtired doesn’t really make me wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, so my exercise routine is anything but routine. And everyone knows that when you’re overtired and not exercising regularly, your eating habits are anything but routine. So here I find myself gargling with warm salt water and vinegar since my resistance is lower for the aforementioned reasons.

After I stepped out of the shower groggy and borderline cranky, I brushed my teeth and mindlessly wandered over to step on the scale. Not until I was back in front of the sink rinsing my mouth did I realize that I didn’t even look to see the number on the scale. Probably because I’d already looked before I got in the shower and wasn’t anticipating a pre-midnight fat-shrinking miracle…but moreso because I was just wandering aimlessly. Not intentionally moving with purpose along a determined course, path, or plan – I was “tumbling.”

Earlier in my career, I worked in the Internal Audit Department of a large financial services institution. For this li’l ol’ liberal artsy Southern Belle in a communications role who had never taken an accounting class, it was an eye-opening learning experience. Everything was logically organized in folders (both physical and electronic) – for ease of filing, cataloging, and storage, but also for the purposes of providing historical documentation and proof of process/procedure/policy. If something was missing from the file, it was an outlier during an audit. If something hadn’t been corrected that was called out in a prior inspection, an explanation was required. At any time, a record could be accessed to review the status of a given group. 

When I absentmindedly stepped on that scale the second time, I was immediately convicted of going through the motions – like I was auditing the class of life instead of wholeheartedly embracing and participating in every opportunity afforded. I had succumbed to the mundane instead of committing to create the excellent and extraordinary in the part of my environment that I could control.

I found myself tonight being audited by the Spirit of God (the Supreme Independent Body Who is able to reveal and assess every innermost part) as I’d bobbed along the waves and drifted past the buoys of the “how much longer” saga of coronavirus, weather phenomena, social injustice, political tomfoolery, and the impending apocalypse (that’s been 2,000+ years in the making) instead of keeping my eyes firmly fixed on HIM. I had to admit I was living distracted – and it was showing like a frayed and tattered ribbon unravelling. 

So I did the only thing you can do when a bright light is shined on the dark places still lurking in your heart – I repented. And recommitted to get back on track. Again. Tomorrow morning, I start afresh and anew, grateful for the gift of His amazing grace once again bestowed on me without measure.

“A false balance is abomination to the Lord: but a just weight is his delight.”
(Proverbs 11:1)
“TEKEL; Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.”
(Daniel 5:27)
“Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place.”
(II Corinthians 2:14)

© Copyright 2020 by Kayren J. Cathcart