Change & Transformation

The Visit: The 13 Stairs – Obstacle or Tool of Ascent?

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I am acutely aware of the fact that my parents move at a different pace, rate, and speed now that they’re in their 70s. In spite of accumulating a few aches and pains to be expected from 7 decades on the planet, they’re both blessed with good health and they remain self-sufficient and able to live independently – for which we’re all grateful. Nevertheless, as someone who tracks steps on a Fitbit daily, I found myself listening during this visit to the way they approached their staircase.

The cadence was different from the spry steps exhibited a few years ago during my previous visits, and I wondered if their staircase was considered friend or foe. After they’d commit to the climb with a sigh or preparatory set of breaths, I heard the running start, the resigned climb, and the carefully accelerating descent. I see the “just in case” cane in the corner and the array of pain-relieving rubs just an arm’s length away from the comfy chair.

I do understand the impact of time on our bodies. However, to see it brought to life in front of my face was eye-opening.

“Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.”
(Psalm 18:36)

“Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.”
(Psalm 119:133)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: Finding Me – In the Midst of Family Foibles

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foibles – a minor weakness or eccentricity in someone’s character

So what family doesn’t have characters with a minor (or major) weakness or eccentricity? Exactly. Family can put the “fun” in dysfunctional. Not sure what I’d planned to find (or not find) out about myself during the introspection of this trip, but I’ve seen, realized, and learned a lot. Like the fact that I like to end up with precisely equal portions of everything on my plate (down to the last proportionate bite) came from the way my dad ate – in a circle from the outside in because he had a plate with a warmer under it when he was young. Or acknowledging that my love of reusing practical and beautiful things played out the same in my home as in the corner where my mom had displayed several pretty gift bags filled with fluffy, sparkly tissue paper in a windowsill. Hoarding? Likely. Justified? Absolutely. Reusable and regiftable? Indubitably.

As much as we like to believe we’re the unique originators, there’s always an origin beyond ourselves. Behaviors, habits, traits, and personality quirks can run in families – and as much as we may try to deny it, we bring much of the baggage along with us on life’s journey. What to do in order to lighten our load? I guess acknowledging is the first step.

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:”
(Proverbs 1:8)

“My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:”
(Proverbs 6:20)

“Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.”
(Proverbs 23:22)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: I Am My Father’s Daughter

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For all that he is and for all he is not, I must admit that I am my father’s daughter. Sitting in the house where I haven’t lived since high school, it was kinda like a slow dawning, even though it was intuitively obvious.

As I ambled to the kitchen for more of mom’s delish organic soup, I saw the “welcome station” stocked with popcorn, fresh citrus water, and other snacks. Then I realized, “As a daughter, I don’t only have access to what’s offered or set out…I can have anything in the house because I am an heir and it’s my inheritance!” I know it’s really simple, but in this moment, it struck me as profound. I peeked under the bathroom cabinet and saw 2 unopened bottles of fragranced hand soap – and knew that I only had to ask if I wanted to take them down the road with me (side benefit of coming from a family of unconfessed hoarders…I know she’s got more soap stashed somewhere else…probably a tip-off from the 4 boxes of Lipton Onion Soup Mix in the pantry along with various groupings of other shelf-stable apocalyptic staples).

Anyhoo, I started to really look at the black-and-white pictures displayed of my relatives I’d never met – wondering what their facial expressions were revealing or masking. And I realized my place in this microcosm called family. And I was grateful to be part – and in this very place, at this precise moment…rife with all its complexities, unanswered questions, and latent possibilities.

“But now, O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.”
(Isaiah 64:8)

“Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.”
(Luke 6:36)

“I and my Father are one.”
(John 10:30)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: Restoration Road Trip

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In the next several posts, I present vignettes recapping The Great Visit of February 2019…

So I just had a #GirlsTrip with my mom from NC to VA; we arrived around 11:30pm. In 18 years of marriage, this was my first trip back home to visit my parents without husband and children in tow. To say that I didn’t quite know what to expect would be an understatement. While understanding how excited my parents (now in their 70s) felt about having me home again and getting my undivided attention, I respectfully requested a few moments to wind down in a room alone for the first night. While the prospect of sleeping late on a Sunday is luscious in and of itself, the idea of a group slumber party on Night One (of potentially 4 nights, if I make it that long LOL) was just a little overwhelming – even with the open offer to share the comfort of their state-of-the-art adjustable bed (my mom is a proponent of communal living). So I’m learning to uphold my personal boundaries – lovingly, yet firmly.

Mama had made some organic soup that was delicious – though she offered me everything from smoothies to hot dogs before realizing that was really what I wanted after our evening jaunt. I laughed at all the Christmas/Valentine’s decorations (yes, only here do wreaths, poinsettias, and a plethora of construction paper hearts hand-cut by a retired schoolteacher in denial of her inner scrapbooker constitute tasteful holiday-appropriate decoration approaching Presidents’ Day in the midst of Black History Month).

As she proudly pointed out her most recent furniture acquisitions, the inescapable presence of historical family accumulations loomed large as clutter lurked behind every closed door. Somewhat apologetically, she gave a reasonable justification for every unfinished home or room improvement project, and I graciously nodded with reassurance that everything was lively and I surely felt welcome and had been provided an exemplary atmosphere to begin my long-overdue R&R getaway.

Glancing at the room’s well-appointed bookshelves, I see the titles overflowing – ranging from inspirational, motivational, and spiritual to health, wellness, and nutrition. And in that instance I realize, “This is my origin. This is where I come from. This is the environment that shaped me.” Instead of fighting my past, perhaps I’ve come home to finally acknowledge and embrace it.

More to come…stay tuned…

“Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.”

(Leviticus 19:3)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Planning Gone Mad: The Vacation That Wasn’t

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Every parent has experienced that fleeting moment of fantasizing about what they’ll do when everyone else in their household is occupied and they get to hold in their hands the elusive concept of “free time.” I had scheduled the entire week after Thanksgiving for vacation away from work – last year, it looked like we’d use that time for a cruise to celebrate 18 years of marriage (“This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvellous in our eyes.” Psalm 118:23). However, still recovering from our family’s summer vacation travels, we agreed for the sake of practicality that our planned getaway week as a couple would become a “staycation.”

Therein lies the rub.

I had NO PROBLEM in my mind with being away from work assignments on my desk and my regular routine of meetings, conference calls, and status updates. Unfortunately, someone forgot to inform my children that I was on vacation. There is no way of reconciling in my brain getting up for a parent/teacher conference before the sun was up…which meant I was awakened by my alarm clock…during the second day of my vacation. Definitely not my idea of vacation. That just didn’t make any sense to me.

Just like my child being behind on assignments and having a questionably less-than-stellar grade and saying everything was okay in that class (hello? reality check!) didn’t make sense to me. This junior Nancy Drew had to investigate…and what I found was not pretty. It kept me up late that night (of the same day I’d gotten up EARLY) coaching the child to completion of the late assignments so they could be turned in ASAP.

And I realized with a wan smile: That’s life. There’s no glossy brochure, 24-hour buffets, or smiling concierges waiting on you hand and foot. Life is about responding to needs in a timely manner. My child needed me and my husband…immediately. And we responded accordingly. Because life is real and vacation is fleeting and temporary.

What happened to the relaxation I thought I’d earned? Yeah, I’m still waiting on that! LOL

I was grateful that we were home and available to address the immediate needs requiring parental attention (it took a united front of me and my husband to help triage the child over this hump). Surely, coming home to foolishness would’ve blown whatever temporary high we’d received from sun, sand, gentle breeze, and ocean waves. Yet, my week didn’t go as I’d planned. It rarely (if ever) does. Because I’m not in control. I don’t know why I keep getting surprised by this unchanging fact. But as I mature, I realize that it really is better that I’m not in control – because God IS!

Regardless of the shenanigans and antics, I am thankful for my week of vacation. It was a series of days that the Lord made for me to rejoice and be glad in – no matter what situations or circumstances arose. I was surrounded by those I love for an extended time when I could focus on them – and that is a priceless gift that couldn’t be purchased on Black Friday, Cyber Monday, or any day.

“This is the day which the Lord hath made;
we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
(Psalm 118:24)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Hewn Down 2.0: And Then It Happened – Just Like That

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tree stumps2 10-1-18

I couldn’t resist snapping this photo Sunday afternoon en route to the grocery store…hey, I’m visual!

It’s not that I don’t understand that old things pass away and behold, all things are become new. Sometimes I just need a moment to adjust to the rate and pace of change.

Last Friday as I drove home, I saw the arborists working on a tree-filled corner, lopping entire limbs (not just branches) off a row of trees that had grown hazardously entangled in the nearby power lines. At that location, I’d seen them snip a branch here and there over the past few years, but this was kinda drastic. I looked at the stark tree trunks with nubs where their arms had once been extended. I wanted a photo of the transformation, but I didn’t take a walk that evening.

As I headed early out for Saturday morning activities, I passed the arborists at work again. By the time I returned home on Saturday afternoon, there was a truckload of wood shavings being hauled away in the opposite direction. Well, I thought to myself, I’ve just gotta make sure I take a walk today and get a picture of those nubs. My schedule dictated otherwise.

Heading to Sunday morning worship service, I beheld only sawed up tree trunks looking like dejected logs and their stumps…there was no evidence of branches or nubs; they had all had been hauled away in less than 24 hours. On Friday, I had no idea of the extent of the project; I thought the property owners were only cutting back enough of the foliage to appease the local energy company with unencumbered power lines. They went above and beyond the call of duty to eliminate the root cause (literally) of any potential future issues.

I realized that the only photo I’d capture after church would likely be of grass. But wouldn’t that be a miraculous statement in and of itself? That where all this twisted, mangled brush had once resided, it was now clean and clear, thanks to a touch from the Master Arborist Who held a vision, purpose, and plan for those trees and that land from the beginning? And I began to rejoice in the work that had taken place. It seemed swift from my perspective, but it was really a long-overdue action.

What I had planned to capture in still frames, God showed me in time lapse photography…in fast-forward mode. The hewing down and dismantling of entire trees seemed like an instantaneous occurrence, but it was still a steady progression – though an accelerated process from my admittedly limited vantage point. Here it is a week later, and I still marvel at how different that corner looks without those trees. And I yield to His sovereignty as He adjusts my personal landscape to His heavenly vision; there still remains some “stuff” that needs to be ground up like sawdust and hauled away.

p.s. Would you believe that by the time I returned home Monday evening, those remnant logs (in the above photo) were a faint and distant memory? Only tree stumps and small piles of sawdust survived as residue…nothing to see or photograph here…move along, folks…now THAT’LL preach! #NewDay #NewSeason #NewDispensation

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”
(Philippians 1:6, KJV)

“I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus [the time of His return].”
(Philippians 1:6, AMP)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Cocoon, Casket, or Crypt?

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Sometimes the familiar can be a comfortable fit, but are we mature enough to see when it’s stunting our growth – or worse yet, contributing to our demise because we’ve held onto it for too long?

A cocoon is a safe place of development. However, it is not intended to be a permanent dwelling place. At some point, we must be willing to leave that which has nurtured and protected us and launch out into the deep, trusting the providence of God to provide for us when our feet can’t touch the bottom of the pool – or when He challenges us to move beyond the pool and out to the ocean. Often scary – yet necessary.

A casket is a holding place for those things which indeed once were, but now have become past tense. Sometimes we try to hold onto them, only to experience their decay and disintegration right in the palms of our hands. Because they weren’t meant to last forever – they were only temporal.

A crypt is defined as “an underground room or vault beneath a church, used as a chapel or burial place.” Might there be some things we’re trying to hold onto that need to be buried and put behind us, that we return to them no more?

We each have people, places, and things that fit in all three of these categories – whether we want to admit it or not. May we yield to the wise and timely leading of the Holy Spirit to recognize the shift in season and transition into a new dispensation – and respond accordingly.

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”
(Ecclesiastes 3:11)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Li’l Microphone Hogs: Sign ME Up

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While driving to work this morning, I heard a classic gospel song, Sign Me Up (for the Christian Jubilee, write my name on the roll…). Instantly, I was transported back to my grandma’s Baptist church where I first sang in the Youth Choir. I smiled when I had to admit that – even 30+ years later – I still felt a li’l twinge of somethin’ thinking about my friend getting that solo (instead of me)…and I had to laugh. Granted, I had my own assigned solo, and I probably didn’t even want to lead “her song,” but for some reason at that time, seeing her take the microphone on that song just got my goat! LOL

As backup and fill-in director of my current church’s Youth Choir when needed, I got thrown into leading a rehearsal at a few minutes’ notice a couple of months ago. I was NOT ready for the 4 and 5 year-olds. No, really. My children are teenagers now, so all the dramatic stuff that goes along with that younger phase is in my rear-view mirror. As we worked on a song until the Director arrived, I got this burst of inspiration to let different children try the lead. When I asked for volunteers, all three of the littlest girls eagerly raised their hands. Uh oh, who to pick first?

Well, the one I selected to go first did a great job and had a strong voice. I gave the obligatory round of applause and prodded the children to encourage their fellow choir member for doing a fantastic job. When I pried the microphone from her hands to pass it to the second volunteer, I noticed that three lines into the song, the first leader was just standing there…not singing…sulking in protest. At age 5. Wow. I whispered to her, “Now we can’t be like that, sweetie; everybody gets a chance to praise the Lord with their voice!” Not easily cajoled, she was at least moving her lips by the end of the song, even if her heart was a few steps behind.

Whew – crisis averted! Until Volunteer #3 finally got her moment in the spotlight…and then I had two disgruntled soloists pouting at me from the front row. When the Director finally arrived (which seemed like an eternity later), I was more than glad to turn those tiny tot singers back over to her tutelage (I know my limitations, and I was nearing my “patient lovingkindness with a group of children on a Saturday morning” quotient)!

In retrospect, that was a humorous turn of events. But how often – as adults – do we still wish we had what someone else has? Do we know what it cost them to get it – or what sacrifices they continue to make in order to keep it? There’s no room in the Body of Christ for covetousness – we’ve gotta cut out the foolishness if we want to see our names on the Heavenly Roll!

“2 I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.
3 And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers,
whose names are in the book of life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.
5 Let your moderation be known unto all men.
The Lord is at hand.”
(Philippians 4:2-5, KJV)

“2 I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree and to work in harmony in the Lord.
3 Indeed, I ask you too, my true companion, to help these women [to keep on cooperating], for they have shared my struggle in the [cause of the] gospel, together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers,
whose names are in the Book of Life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, take pleasure in Him]; again I will say, rejoice!
5 Let your gentle spirit [your graciousness, unselfishness, mercy, tolerance, and patience] be known to all people.
The Lord is near.”
(Philippians 4:2-5, AMP)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Now Serving…Beets With Gravy

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My first volunteer opportunity at our local Meals on Wheels program this week was very impactful. As I took my place on the assembly line to help fill 3-sectioned trays parading past me, I imagined being a recipient, not being able to choose what I’d eat that day (whether it was due to physical, financial, or other limitations), and rely on the kindness and generosity of my fellow community members. Veggie, protein, dessert. Cabbage, carrots, chicken with gravy. Two cookies, gelatin, and mushrooms with flecks of parsley. Combinations I wouldn’t necessarily choose, but provisions that someone in my community would be thankful to receive – this week.

Then I saw the bright purplish-magenta beets…covered in contrasting brown gravy. I stared for a few seconds at the concoction, then I snapped back to my assembly line role. I have never eaten (or seen, for that matter) that dish….ever. I have never seen it on Food Network or Cooking Channel. But this was going to become someone’s sustenance for the day.

I was overwhelmed with gratitude. And instantly humbled by the privilege of serving. I said a prayer over each scoop. I imagined the facial expressions of recipients when they saw either orange, green, or black cherry gelatin shimmying in its compartment of the heat-sealed tray. And I purposed in my heart to come back to volunteer with this organization again – bringing someone else with me. Where – or whom – can you serve today? Opportunities to serve others abound when we open our eyes and slow our pace long enough to really see our surroundings.

“34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”
(Matthew 25:35-40)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Rest for The Weary: Stop Living on Overdrawn Credit

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When do you finally realize you’ve been living beyond your means? When you’ve expended more emotional capital then you’ve amassed? When you’ve “tapped out” and have very little, if anything left to give if you don’t replenish your own storehouse?

Come to the wells of salvation and drink deeply…be saved from yourself – your own devices, plans, plots, desires, entrapments, entanglements…find rest for your soul in the Master’s presence.

You remember that place of refreshing – it’s still there. Waiting for your return – as a permanent resident in the presence of the Lord instead of intermittent visitor.

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life:
in thy presence is fulness of joy;
at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”
(Psalm 16:11, KJV)

“28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation].
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.”
(Matthew 11:28-30, AMP)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart