Applying Emotional Baggage Depilatory

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depilatory – a cream or lotion for removing unwanted hair

Removing excess emotional baggage can be cumbersome.
However, the process can be abbreviated with some well-applied wisdom…kinda like hair removal.
Sorta. Like if you squint one eye and look real hard…

This week, I made significant personal process in purging out some old mindsets, thought patterns, and behaviors. This advancement was accompanied by intentionally doing some new and unfamiliar activities. For instance, take my experience today of using a cream hair removal product for the first time in my life. A friend told me she recently used some on her elementary school-aged daughter’s underarms. I’d shaved my underarms since high school (thanks, show choir costumes), but I stopped a few years ago because of discomfort from bumps due to ingrown hairs (no doubt, my cheap, dull razors contributed to this quandary). Since I was recently blessed with some new sleeveless dresses by friends cleaning out their closets, I figured I’d test out the product, and picked up a bottle for less than $5 this afternoon.

I carefully read the directions before showering: Apply a thick layer of cream for 3 minutes. Do not leave on for longer than 10 minutes. Not for use on face. Wipe off gently with a rag and rinse. Do not rub. Got it.

While waiting for the product to work, I planned to roll my hair. But first, I washed my face, and then I determined to make sure to wash my hands thoroughly after applying the product to my underarms. I got downright tickled thinking, “Hmmm, if there’s product residue on my hands, I certainly don’t want to see a patch of hair on my head sliding off before Sunday Service!” So I washed my hands a second time just to be on the safe side (and avoid a replay of the Hot Pepper Hands incident). An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

I proceeded to roll my hair without incident. Once I got into the shower, I followed the gentle wiping directions, and voilà, off slid my underarm hair! My underarms looked good upon closer inspection with my magnifying mirror. Only after the process did I learn of what creates the hair removal miracle: a strong and alkaline-based product is placed on the unwanted hair, and it processes hair into a jelly-like substance. I didn’t expect to have a science experiment in my shower, but I’m glad it was uneventful.

After a few online searches, I learned that epilation removes the entire hair at the follicle level (from the root), while hair is removed only to the surface with depilation, Which means, I’m gonna have to revisit any hair that grows back – or emotional baggage that lingers. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. For the time being, I’m enjoying being a few clumps of hair lighter as I lay out my sleeveless dress for tomorrow – I can raise my arms without a second thought…no small forests here; the underbrush has been removed! Ironic that God had me try this new hair removal product as I was clearing out my emotional cache? No way! He is most strategic and intentional…by design. He knew this was gonna happen wayyyyy before I did (the hair removal AND the emotional baggage clean-up). #Grateful

“18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.”
(Matthew 7:18-19)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Revisiting Composite

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I glanced back at my photo of the early spring tulips. When I was breathless and (nearly) speechless because of their beauty over a month ago, I wasn’t focusing of how many white flowers, purple flowers, or pink flowers were in the photo when I originally posted it. I looked at each part as a valued segment that contributed to creating a beautiful whole.

Fast-forward to today – why am I trying so intensely to dissect innumerable individual items from my personal history in an attempt to “get it all together?” Perhaps I imagine there’s a way for me to figure out how everything can be tied up neatly in a package with a pretty bow – but this is real life (comprised of family, friends, and strangers – and encompassing multifaceted people with a multiplicity of issues – so that’s probably an unreasonable, if not downright ludicrous, expectation). In essence, isn’t that the same as picking out and enumerating the number of white vs. purple vs. pink flowers – instead of just appreciating how the conglomeration comes together as a thing of aesthetic beauty?

A caring friend told me today to “work on being at peace.” At first, the OCD in me laughed as I mused, “Yep, WORK; something else to put on my To Do list, and when I accomplish it, I can check it off – whoo hoo!” But I get it. I need to be very diligent about pursuing peace (from the Prince of Peace, the only lasting Source) and allowing it to settle in my life. She also gently reminded me that “healing comes when you are just yourself” – and not trying to be a perfect version of who you think you should be. So that’s what I’m working on in this season amidst many distractions (but I guess if I already had peace, I wouldn’t have to pursue it…or maybe we have to be diligent to maintain it once it is obtained). How about you?

“10 For he who would love life and see good days,
Let him refrain his tongue from evil,
And his lips from speaking deceit.
11 Let him turn away from evil and do good;
Let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their prayers;
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
(I Peter 3:10-12, NKJV)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Composite

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composite – a thing made up of various parts or elements; amalgamation, combination, compound, fusion, synthesis, mixture, blend, conglomeration, alloy, patchwork, hybrid

I took a walk today and snapped a few pics of pretty flowers. As I rested after my walk, I reviewed the photos, and saw one I’d taken of some tulips a month ago. When I zoomed in, I saw little things I’d never noticed when looking at the real scene with my naked eye – namely a torn leaf and several discolorations. However, I also marveled at the magnificent dewdrops sparkling on the colorful array of petals, and the inherent potential peeking through some yet-to-be-opened buds.

My takeaway? When things of beauty are in your space, don’t inspect them too closely – imperfections aren’t hard to find! Instead, appreciate the beauty of the composite picture life presents.

So I stepped back and savored the beauty of my entire walk – the birds swooping overhead (I noticed how high their nests of safety are situated), the happy rain droplets splattering my cheeks (threatening to cut my walk short, but delightful nonetheless), the sound of the rainwater rushing into the sanitary sewer (OK, in all honesty, THAT one actually triggered a thought of, “What if a sinkhole opened up in the neighborhood – how scary would that be?!”)…I had to zoom back out on that one.😏

Could it be that family is a composite – and to be appreciated as a thing of beauty? A great big ol’ mish-mash of related but definitely distinctive and distinguishable folks woven together by God’s design and for His glory? Yeah…I’m getting the picture…

“One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.”
(Psalm 27:4)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: Home – Returning to Center

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Well, today I return home to husband and children. It’s been an eye-opening and interesting visit with my parents; timely and necessary. Grateful to know that I don’t have to pick back up the burdens I laid down this week – wonderings about the past, present, and future. Rest and peace. My husband reports that the children have been doing exactly what I prepared them to do – without me hovering, so I will try to approach my interactions with them from a new perspective when I return.

I’ve always defined home as “where you find yourself; a mindset.” So if I’m leaving home to go home…what now? Home is in the heart. My journey continues.

“17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever.
18 And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation,
and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places;”
(Isaiah 32:17-18)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: The 13 Stairs – Obstacle or Tool of Ascent?

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I am acutely aware of the fact that my parents move at a different pace, rate, and speed now that they’re in their 70s. In spite of accumulating a few aches and pains to be expected from 7 decades on the planet, they’re both blessed with good health and they remain self-sufficient and able to live independently – for which we’re all grateful. Nevertheless, as someone who tracks steps on a Fitbit daily, I found myself listening during this visit to the way they approached their staircase.

The cadence was different from the spry steps exhibited a few years ago during my previous visits, and I wondered if their staircase was considered friend or foe. After they’d commit to the climb with a sigh or preparatory set of breaths, I heard the running start, the resigned climb, and the carefully accelerating descent. I see the “just in case” cane in the corner and the array of pain-relieving rubs just an arm’s length away from the comfy chair.

I do understand the impact of time on our bodies. However, to see it brought to life in front of my face was eye-opening.

“Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.”
(Psalm 18:36)

“Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.”
(Psalm 119:133)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: Finding Me – In the Midst of Family Foibles

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foibles – a minor weakness or eccentricity in someone’s character

So what family doesn’t have characters with a minor (or major) weakness or eccentricity? Exactly. Family can put the “fun” in dysfunctional. Not sure what I’d planned to find (or not find) out about myself during the introspection of this trip, but I’ve seen, realized, and learned a lot. Like the fact that I like to end up with precisely equal portions of everything on my plate (down to the last proportionate bite) came from the way my dad ate – in a circle from the outside in because he had a plate with a warmer under it when he was young. Or acknowledging that my love of reusing practical and beautiful things played out the same in my home as in the corner where my mom had displayed several pretty gift bags filled with fluffy, sparkly tissue paper in a windowsill. Hoarding? Likely. Justified? Absolutely. Reusable and regiftable? Indubitably.

As much as we like to believe we’re the unique originators, there’s always an origin beyond ourselves. Behaviors, habits, traits, and personality quirks can run in families – and as much as we may try to deny it, we bring much of the baggage along with us on life’s journey. What to do in order to lighten our load? I guess acknowledging is the first step.

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:”
(Proverbs 1:8)

“My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:”
(Proverbs 6:20)

“Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.”
(Proverbs 23:22)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: I Am My Father’s Daughter

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For all that he is and for all he is not, I must admit that I am my father’s daughter. Sitting in the house where I haven’t lived since high school, it was kinda like a slow dawning, even though it was intuitively obvious.

As I ambled to the kitchen for more of mom’s delish organic soup, I saw the “welcome station” stocked with popcorn, fresh citrus water, and other snacks. Then I realized, “As a daughter, I don’t only have access to what’s offered or set out…I can have anything in the house because I am an heir and it’s my inheritance!” I know it’s really simple, but in this moment, it struck me as profound. I peeked under the bathroom cabinet and saw 2 unopened bottles of fragranced hand soap – and knew that I only had to ask if I wanted to take them down the road with me (side benefit of coming from a family of unconfessed hoarders…I know she’s got more soap stashed somewhere else…probably a tip-off from the 4 boxes of Lipton Onion Soup Mix in the pantry along with various groupings of other shelf-stable apocalyptic staples).

Anyhoo, I started to really look at the black-and-white pictures displayed of my relatives I’d never met – wondering what their facial expressions were revealing or masking. And I realized my place in this microcosm called family. And I was grateful to be part – and in this very place, at this precise moment…rife with all its complexities, unanswered questions, and latent possibilities.

“But now, O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.”
(Isaiah 64:8)

“Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.”
(Luke 6:36)

“I and my Father are one.”
(John 10:30)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: Restoration Road Trip

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In the next several posts, I present vignettes recapping The Great Visit of February 2019…

So I just had a #GirlsTrip with my mom from NC to VA; we arrived around 11:30pm. In 18 years of marriage, this was my first trip back home to visit my parents without husband and children in tow. To say that I didn’t quite know what to expect would be an understatement. While understanding how excited my parents (now in their 70s) felt about having me home again and getting my undivided attention, I respectfully requested a few moments to wind down in a room alone for the first night. While the prospect of sleeping late on a Sunday is luscious in and of itself, the idea of a group slumber party on Night One (of potentially 4 nights, if I make it that long LOL) was just a little overwhelming – even with the open offer to share the comfort of their state-of-the-art adjustable bed (my mom is a proponent of communal living). So I’m learning to uphold my personal boundaries – lovingly, yet firmly.

Mama had made some organic soup that was delicious – though she offered me everything from smoothies to hot dogs before realizing that was really what I wanted after our evening jaunt. I laughed at all the Christmas/Valentine’s decorations (yes, only here do wreaths, poinsettias, and a plethora of construction paper hearts hand-cut by a retired schoolteacher in denial of her inner scrapbooker constitute tasteful holiday-appropriate decoration approaching Presidents’ Day in the midst of Black History Month).

As she proudly pointed out her most recent furniture acquisitions, the inescapable presence of historical family accumulations loomed large as clutter lurked behind every closed door. Somewhat apologetically, she gave a reasonable justification for every unfinished home or room improvement project, and I graciously nodded with reassurance that everything was lively and I surely felt welcome and had been provided an exemplary atmosphere to begin my long-overdue R&R getaway.

Glancing at the room’s well-appointed bookshelves, I see the titles overflowing – ranging from inspirational, motivational, and spiritual to health, wellness, and nutrition. And in that instance I realize, “This is my origin. This is where I come from. This is the environment that shaped me.” Instead of fighting my past, perhaps I’ve come home to finally acknowledge and embrace it.

More to come…stay tuned…

“Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.”

(Leviticus 19:3)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Planning Gone Mad: The Vacation That Wasn’t

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Every parent has experienced that fleeting moment of fantasizing about what they’ll do when everyone else in their household is occupied and they get to hold in their hands the elusive concept of “free time.” I had scheduled the entire week after Thanksgiving for vacation away from work – last year, it looked like we’d use that time for a cruise to celebrate 18 years of marriage (“This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvellous in our eyes.” Psalm 118:23). However, still recovering from our family’s summer vacation travels, we agreed for the sake of practicality that our planned getaway week as a couple would become a “staycation.”

Therein lies the rub.

I had NO PROBLEM in my mind with being away from work assignments on my desk and my regular routine of meetings, conference calls, and status updates. Unfortunately, someone forgot to inform my children that I was on vacation. There is no way of reconciling in my brain getting up for a parent/teacher conference before the sun was up…which meant I was awakened by my alarm clock…during the second day of my vacation. Definitely not my idea of vacation. That just didn’t make any sense to me.

Just like my child being behind on assignments and having a questionably less-than-stellar grade and saying everything was okay in that class (hello? reality check!) didn’t make sense to me. This junior Nancy Drew had to investigate…and what I found was not pretty. It kept me up late that night (of the same day I’d gotten up EARLY) coaching the child to completion of the late assignments so they could be turned in ASAP.

And I realized with a wan smile: That’s life. There’s no glossy brochure, 24-hour buffets, or smiling concierges waiting on you hand and foot. Life is about responding to needs in a timely manner. My child needed me and my husband…immediately. And we responded accordingly. Because life is real and vacation is fleeting and temporary.

What happened to the relaxation I thought I’d earned? Yeah, I’m still waiting on that! LOL

I was grateful that we were home and available to address the immediate needs requiring parental attention (it took a united front of me and my husband to help triage the child over this hump). Surely, coming home to foolishness would’ve blown whatever temporary high we’d received from sun, sand, gentle breeze, and ocean waves. Yet, my week didn’t go as I’d planned. It rarely (if ever) does. Because I’m not in control. I don’t know why I keep getting surprised by this unchanging fact. But as I mature, I realize that it really is better that I’m not in control – because God IS!

Regardless of the shenanigans and antics, I am thankful for my week of vacation. It was a series of days that the Lord made for me to rejoice and be glad in – no matter what situations or circumstances arose. I was surrounded by those I love for an extended time when I could focus on them – and that is a priceless gift that couldn’t be purchased on Black Friday, Cyber Monday, or any day.

“This is the day which the Lord hath made;
we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
(Psalm 118:24)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Hewn Down 2.0: And Then It Happened – Just Like That

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tree stumps2 10-1-18

I couldn’t resist snapping this photo Sunday afternoon en route to the grocery store…hey, I’m visual!

It’s not that I don’t understand that old things pass away and behold, all things are become new. Sometimes I just need a moment to adjust to the rate and pace of change.

Last Friday as I drove home, I saw the arborists working on a tree-filled corner, lopping entire limbs (not just branches) off a row of trees that had grown hazardously entangled in the nearby power lines. At that location, I’d seen them snip a branch here and there over the past few years, but this was kinda drastic. I looked at the stark tree trunks with nubs where their arms had once been extended. I wanted a photo of the transformation, but I didn’t take a walk that evening.

As I headed early out for Saturday morning activities, I passed the arborists at work again. By the time I returned home on Saturday afternoon, there was a truckload of wood shavings being hauled away in the opposite direction. Well, I thought to myself, I’ve just gotta make sure I take a walk today and get a picture of those nubs. My schedule dictated otherwise.

Heading to Sunday morning worship service, I beheld only sawed up tree trunks looking like dejected logs and their stumps…there was no evidence of branches or nubs; they had all had been hauled away in less than 24 hours. On Friday, I had no idea of the extent of the project; I thought the property owners were only cutting back enough of the foliage to appease the local energy company with unencumbered power lines. They went above and beyond the call of duty to eliminate the root cause (literally) of any potential future issues.

I realized that the only photo I’d capture after church would likely be of grass. But wouldn’t that be a miraculous statement in and of itself? That where all this twisted, mangled brush had once resided, it was now clean and clear, thanks to a touch from the Master Arborist Who held a vision, purpose, and plan for those trees and that land from the beginning? And I began to rejoice in the work that had taken place. It seemed swift from my perspective, but it was really a long-overdue action.

What I had planned to capture in still frames, God showed me in time lapse photography…in fast-forward mode. The hewing down and dismantling of entire trees seemed like an instantaneous occurrence, but it was still a steady progression – though an accelerated process from my admittedly limited vantage point. Here it is a week later, and I still marvel at how different that corner looks without those trees. And I yield to His sovereignty as He adjusts my personal landscape to His heavenly vision; there still remains some “stuff” that needs to be ground up like sawdust and hauled away.

p.s. Would you believe that by the time I returned home Monday evening, those remnant logs (in the above photo) were a faint and distant memory? Only tree stumps and small piles of sawdust survived as residue…nothing to see or photograph here…move along, folks…now THAT’LL preach! #NewDay #NewSeason #NewDispensation

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”
(Philippians 1:6, KJV)

“I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus [the time of His return].”
(Philippians 1:6, AMP)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart