Feeling Tossed?

Do you ever feel tossed (like an ocean wave…or a really hearty salad) when things don’t go as planned or expected (like no March Madness 2020)? I do…

A lot has changed in my corner of the world since I posted at the beginning of the month. You can probably say the same. It’s just that kind of time.

At the beginning of the month, I took a vacation day from work to celebrate “Happy Hardworking ME Day!” (ME = Mommy Extraordinaire)…I scheduled my first mani/pedi in several months and enjoyed the royal treatment at Elevation Beauty & Nail Spa (shout-out to my new fave nail spot in the University area for pampering and perspective maintenance)…highly recommend!

Today, I’m prepping for Week 3 (of 2 months *minimum*) support of my children who are physically out of their school classroom environment and transitioning into distance learning from home. Does this make me a Schoolmaster? Um, yes…

At the beginning of the month, I was excited about being assigned to a new project at work.

Today, I find myself struggling to adjust to working from home 100% without ANY options to go into the office as our entire state is under “stay at home” directives.

At the beginning of the month, Daylight Saving Time impacted my circadian rhythm…who knew 1 hour could make such a huge impact on your life? I found out a few years ago. LOL

Today, I find myself irritable as my inner night owl natural tendencies collide with my domestic and professional responsibilities that start earlier in the morning than I can sustain on a few hours of sleep. I’m working towards a healthy balance of proper rest (being awake to know there’s a 2am national news show on is NOT helping my plight), regular exercise (though sporadic exercise would be more than I’m doing right now), and wise food choices (eating the majority – but not all! – of a homemade iced lemon pound cake…by myself…in 2 days…without remorse…is probably less than beneficial). #JudgmentFreeZone #PandemicCaloriesDontCountDoThey 🤣

Perhaps, like I do, you find yourself grasping for some semblance of normalcy as “the new norm” is being reshaped for our respective communities each day – and sometimes being redefined every few hours. It seems like as soon as I make one adjustment, five more unexpected changes are hurled my way, and I’m accountable for responding properly with wisdom and maturity – and then adapting quickly…no matter how stretched to capacity I may feel.

Nevertheless, God’s Word – as always – offers comfort, assurance, and strength for this particular part of the journey we find ourselves travelling. When we are afflicted and tossed, He promises to establish us – in Himself…the Solid Rock. He is with us in the midst of every trial and tribulation – to teach us lessons in the fires of adversity, and to bring us forth refined as pure gold, without even the smell of smoke!

Even as things around us appear to deteriorate rapidly, may we endure, stay encouraged, and seek the “blessing in disguise” right under our noses. A family member, friend, or neighbor who is ill or has a need may present an opportunity for us to be the hands and feet that extend the love of Christ through needed acts of service. A child you’re suddenly “shut in” or “locked down” with for weeks (or months – grace & mercy please, Lord! 😇🙏🏼) on end may be the answer to prayers you prayed long ago for the reconciliation and restoration of right relationship. And believe it or not, when you humble yourself enough to admit your own need, you may find a source of support available TO YOU that you never knew existed.

“Social distancing” in a physical sense doesn’t mean we withdraw from connecting in meaningful ways with those we care about. We must be more creative and intentional about finding ways to reach out to those who need to experience kindness and compassion.

God has equipped us for this battle, and already calls us MORE than conquerors through Christ. May we see our present assignments as gifts for us to be further strengthened and prepared as saints of the Most High who share the Good News of the Gospel in love and with joy every time there is an open door. When we look around, I believe we’ll see that our next door is not at all far away…

I’m praying blessings, safety, and good health for you and your family,
Kayren

“11 O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
12 And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.
13 And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
14 In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee.”
(Isaiah 54:11-14)

But After That…

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As promised, here’s the “Part 2” that follows Living in Malice & Hating One Another…

The “before” is that we were “…living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another.” (Titus 3:3)

Verse 4 of the same chapter tells us what the “after” of this looks like: “But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared.”

We must change. Allow Him to give us a spiritual heart transplant. Learn from the example of Christ to let it go. Lay it on the altar and leave it there for Him to consume our sacrifice with fire. Yes, something has got to die.

Even if it’s my pride – because I feel justified…’cuz You KNOW I was right, Lord…right? I’m just sayin’…

But after that…

Once we reflect on our OWN state without God’s grace poured out on the undeserving, it leads us (if we are malleable and tenderhearted) to repentance. Humbleness of heart and mind, both evidenced by an adjusted response.

But after that…

Forgiveness. Whether I feel they deserve it or not…but who am I to judge who deserves what anyway?! Because when it gets right down to it, I sure don’t deserve God’s forgiveness, grace, mercy, favor, and extravagant love.

But after that…

I have to submit, surrender, and obey. Follow the example of Christ. Forgive 70 x 7 times…ouch!

As I mature, I’m learning that it’s OK to be angry or frustrated – or even both at the same time. It’s OK to cry. It’s even OK (for a little while) to feel like NOBODY else on the planet understands.

But after that…

My Transparent Prayer of Repentance:
Lord Jesus, I have something to say, and I need to be heard. Too bad it feels like <fill in the blank for yourself> ain’t listening, but I can’t allow or afford for anyone to derail the plan of God to get the glory from my life. So I yield to You once again, my Savior. Help me in those places that are still hurting, broken, wounded, and need Your touch. You see and You know…and I can feel You at work in my life. Please help me to be patient as You faithfully complete the work You’ve begun in me. I am thankful that You hear this prayer in Jesus’ name (so I don’t act a fool again and let my emotions carry me like a runaway roller coaster). Amen.

“4 But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,
5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;
6 Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour;
7 That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
8 This is a faithful saying, and these things I will that thou affirm constantly, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable unto men.”
(Titus 3:4-8)

Truth in the Inward Parts

Posted by kayrencathcart

I thought these flowers were beautiful – like truth!

I was riding in the car this evening and my wonderful hubby was talking to me. When I thought he was finished, I interjected something. He said, “You just corrected me and shot down my sweet words!” That really wasn’t my intention, so I quickly responded, “Oh, I’m sorry that I cut you off, sweetie.” But at that moment, I wasn’t sorry, and I wasn’t thinking he was a sweetie. I felt misunderstood, and I had to actively CHOOSE not to let something so minor turn into a full-blown offense. But I still got indignant and clammed up.

At that moment, the scripture about God “desiring truth in the inward parts” (Psalm 51:6) bubbled up and I heard a still, small voice saying, “You’re not being honest.” The Lord convicted me on-the-spot, right there in the car where I had nowhere to escape for the remainder of the ride. It stung!

So then I got indignant with God. Yeah – that was a pretty saucy (and utterly foolish) move since I’m pretty sure I saw some lightning accompany the raindrops falling on the windshield. I had to admit that He had found me and hit the bullseye right on the mark. I knew better as a mature Christian. I had to humble myself and repent – immediately.

Initially, I felt JUSTIFIED ‘cuz at least I was polite and respectful, right? WRONG – my feigned apology was not coming from a pure heart or a place of truth, so it was just empty words. And was that the stench of PRIDE I was trying to cover up with the sweet perfume of good manners and civility? The reflection in the Holy Ghost mirror was ghastly and anything but holy. Egads – woe is me, what a wretch undone am I! The hidden recesses of my innermost thoughts were severely contaminated with self-righteous indignation.

Lord, I pray that You continue to help me to walk in YOUR truth…because “my truth” (the popular catchphrase) is mired in self-deception. Help me to not lean to my own tainted and limited understanding, but to acknowledge You in ALL of my ways so YOU can direct my paths. Thank You for loving me enough to peel back the layers of the façade I’ve tried for so long to project – all so You can expose the toxic things that need to be removed from my life because they don’t please You or bring You glory. May I, in turn, extend lavish grace to others – as you have showered me with Your lovingkindness and tender mercies. Amen.

“Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts:
and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.”
(Psalm 51:6)

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest,
whatsoever things are just,
whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely,
whatsoever things are of good report;
if there be any virtue,
and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
(Philippians 4:8)

“I have no greater joy
than to hear that my children walk in truth.”
(III John 1:4)

Functioning, but Dysfunctional

Posted by kayrencathcart

dysfunctional – not operating normally or properly

A recent bout with black shower mold has become quite the personal vexation…but to the point that I’d finally do something about it? I cleaned it out the last 2 times – and here we are again, in the same grout lines, similar creeping (& creepy) pattern. Ironic that I’ve been cleansing myself in a less-than-ideally-clean setting…however, I digress. I reasoned that if the shower head hadn’t started leaking (last year), or if the leaky shower head had been replaced (which it was this week…and it still leaks), then the mold wouldn’t have a warm, moist environment in which to multiply its inherent ugliness.

Yet, it is futile to consider prevention at the point when remediation is required. So I have a decision to make: continue to angst over the slimy ickiness I’m semi-avoiding with shower shoes (for longer than I care to admit tolerating with utter disdain), or bust out the rubber gloves and cleanser (once more) and address the root cause that has become the bane of my daily hygiene routine.

Isn’t that how God addresses our sin when we’re functioning, but dysfunctional? He sees that repetitious things pop up in our lives once again, and still lovingly washes away the offenses with His efficacious Blood (that we can’t seem to get rid of on our own) until we are white as snow. I guess it’s time for me to bust some serious suds in that shower stall…once again.

Update: Fed up with the foolishness, I finally did clean it a week after severe aggravation became unbearable. While I breathed a sigh of relief for the upgrade, it looks like it still needs another round of scouring. It just goes to show that cleansing (both in the natural and in the spirit) is an ongoing process.

“16 Wash you, make you clean;
put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes;
cease to do evil;

18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD:
though your sins be as scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
(Isaiah 1:16, 18)

Can These Bones Yet Live Again?

Posted by kayrencathcart

When I saw the dry and shriveled-up rose earlier this month, I was saddened – it had been so beautiful as it bloomed, and I enjoyed seeing it from my window or when I drove past. However, my sadness didn’t last very long…I discovered new blooms in that same moment just by adjusting my perspective. When I shifted my glance from that which appeared to be dead, I saw that there was still vibrant life thriving not far away. My heart rejoiced while beholding the beauty!

May we receive our Heavenly Father’s gentle and poignant reminder that some things that appear to be dead are only dormant…and dormancy lasts for only a season before life re-emerges. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Let us rest in Him as we trust His process…cycles come AND go…and go AND come…

“Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him…”
(Psalm 37:7a)

“3 And he said unto me, Son of man, can these bones live?
And I answered, O Lord God, thou knowest.
4 Again he said unto me,
Prophesy upon these bones, and say unto them,
O ye dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.
5 Thus saith the Lord God unto these bones;
Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live:
6 And I will lay sinews upon you, and will bring up flesh upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you,
and ye shall live; and ye shall know that I am the Lord.”
(Ezekiel 37:3-6)

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

Posted by kayrencathcart

Trust me – this IS progress; the drawer WAS fully stuffed yesterday…

So a co-worker called me the offensive “h-word” today…no, not heifer…hoarder. I smarted as if I’d been stung by a bee, wondering where that zinger came from. I thought I had made progress. And I had, until it became incumbent upon me to prepare for the inevitable office move of less than 50 feet to the other side of the SAME floor (side glance – now what executive thought this was an efficiency-saver?! Riiight…). With 2 days to go, I was definitely under pressure and behind the power curve.

Honestly, I can understand my co-worker’s point (I know she meant no harm, and it really was ridiculous the amount of stuff I’d collected while sitting there since 2014 – and of course I brought a few things from previous roles, too. Or maybe more than a few, it seems…). I also understood the moving coordinators who stopped by ever-so-often to gently inquire if I was gonna make the “be off the floor ‘cuz the movers are here” Friday at 2pm deadline. As the pressure mounted, I felt myself getting more overwhelmed. (I’d already had a mini-meltdown when stripping the cube walls earlier in the week – everything looked so stark, empty, and blank. Then I saw my children’s baby pictures and reflected on my youngest now heading to high school and the tears started leaking out of my eyelids. It wasn’t a pretty moment. Thankfully, it passed quickly).

As I toted papers to the shred bin, another co-worker peeked her head out from behind her computer monitor – a new employee who I noticed like to write, just like me. However, I discovered her hidden superpower today: organizing. She watched me swoosh past her desk several times frantically ferrying the many small to mid-sized boxes I’d accumulated over years of administrative support “just in case someone needs ‘em, I’ve got ‘em!” Finally she asked me, “Are you OK?” And I sheepishly whispered that I’d just been called a hoarder and I needed to speed up my purging if I was gonna make the packing deadline without the movers tossing any remaining unpacked items – of which I had many lingering.

With a single sentence, she tossed me a lifesaver of hope, “When you get to your new cube, we’re going to get you off to a fresh, new, organized workspace.” Wow – someone who barely knew me was offering to help me (because it was obvious that I desperately needed assistance since my plan to keep accumulating and stuffing had finally reached the breaking point – no pun intended…I think my file drawers were at capacity).

So today’s lesson is this: At some point, you’ve gotta take some stuff out to maintain a healthy balance; you can’t keep shovin’ stuff in. This goes for emotions, relationships, food, whatever…

Let the cleansing continue.

My desk & shelves haven’t been this empty since I moved into this cube in 2014…I’m learning to travel lighter – that’s for sure!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”
(Psalm 51:10)

Moving Tales: Preparing to Sojourn

Posted by kayrencathcart

20190612_141113

To you, it may appear to be a messy gaggle of office products, but to me, the beautifully arrayed colors of these lovely items spell office product BLISS. Who knew that many binder clips lay nestled in my files, multiplying and plotting their takeover? (given the right moment and opportunity, it could happen…)

I was too embarrassed to even snap a pic of the “just in case” pineapple chunks that I’d obviously had so long that the can had popped, the product had disintegrated, crusted over, and evaporated to half its former juicy volume, and there was brown rust everywhere in that bag. Out of an abundance of caution, I tossed the can of lentil soup labeled “best before 2013.” Volunteering at Second Harvest Food Bank should’ve reminded me that there really is such a thing as shelf life. How is it that I hadn’t gone in that file drawer for so long that I was unaware of the biological hazard lurking behind me every day?! Geesh!

Is there never a time when I’m not in transition? Maybe God plans it that way so we constantly have to depend on HIM for strength, guidance, direction, instruction, correction – and to be sustained. Because growth doesn’t occur naturally when we stay in the same position too long. We’re built to grow and develop. It would look crazy for an almost-adult 12th Grader to sit in a kindergarten-sized chair every day. I know this, yet I balk when it comes time to change and get uncomfortable with something else unfamiliar. And since I’m not all-knowing (while God IS all-knowing), I should just embrace this as the way things are – by His divine design.

“8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
(Isaiah 55:8-9)

Purging My Burgeoning Past: Approaching the End of an Epoch

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Old files that I decided to ROLL to the shred bin for the sake of time…and that was just the second load of the second day!

It’s an office move…these things happen every day, all around the world – why is this one impacting me so significantly? Why does it feel like a major theatrical production from my perspective? I mean, how sentimental is it to clean out old meeting agendas and filed, approved, and paid expense reports for a manager I don’t even support any more…and haven’t for over 3 years? She has moved on…why haven’t I? It may have something to do with my college friends recently revealing they nicknamed me MacGyver because I was always prepared. I laughed out loud…I guess I’ve always been the caring nurturer who tried to care for everyone and take care of everything. Until the accumulation became to great to bear – I ran out of emotional capital. So I find myself in more introspection and reflection.

Why the emotional attachment to stuff I haven’t touched in months…or years? I dare admit to myself that it a grasp for security of the familiar. Not that the familiar is even comfortable, but I kinda know what to expect. I know where to look if I need it, and that brings me some tinge of security…but is it a false peace? Is it misplaced trust? Well of COURSE it is, silly rabbit!

If I’m honest with myself, I think it’s because just about every area of my life is going through transition at the same time…and it’s absolutely uncomfortable and terrifying. Yet at the same time, maybe I have a bit of hopeful expectation of something different, better, fresh, not yet experienced. It has the potential to be exhilarating and scary – but yielding great new growth…like in a forest after a brush fire kinda way. New day, new beginnings.

I’ll be sitting in a different seat, in a different position, with a different vantage point. So looking at the same familiar things will appear different. And maybe that’s what God has wanted for me all along…yield, surrender, give in…again…for the first time…another adventuresome journey awaits. Am I ready? It doesn’t matter as long as His presence goes with me, proceeds me, and covers me. And He can do all 3 things at the same time, so I guess all this fretting has been an exercise in corporate futility…kinda like moving 50 feet to say “look what we did!” I reiterate: activity does NOT always equal productivity…but that’s just my 2 cents’ worth.

“6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.”
(Psalm 51:6-8)

Offline for System Maintenance

Posted by kayrencathcart

marred – spoiled, corrupted, ruined, injured, rotted

Preventive maintenance is better than a partial – or total – system failure (and subsequent shutdown)…mayday, mayday! Alert! Caution! Pay attention!

Though both scenarios involve not being able to access the system, when unavailability is planned, you can better prepare and respond. Making advanced arrangements and calculated adjustments can be smoother than in-the-moment, real-time reactions.

The off duty bus displays an “Out of Service” sign. Bathrooms do, too. “Closed for repairs.” “Pardon our progress.” So can a person hang an “Under Construction” sign around their neck? I’m just sayin’…it behooves us to be mindful of where people are in their process of being formed – or reformed – for the Master’s use and good pleasure.

“And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.”
(Jeremiah 18:4)

Do YOU Have a Reliable Back-up?

Posted by kayrencathcart

So now that I have a new phone, I mean, er, now that the princess has received her replacement phone…it’s time to begin the tedious process of manually reconstructing my Contacts list – phone numbers and e-mail addresses at a minimum. I have resigned myself to having lost all of the meticulously noted nuances in each entry, including tidbits like where and when I met folks, mailing addresses, etc. All of this could’ve been avoided if I wasn’t such a conspiracy theorist regarding aggregated data collection, didn’t have deep-seated but perhaps slightly unfounded apocalyptic suspicions surrounding “the cloud,” etc. and had just backed up my data.

The helpful lady at the cell phone store reminded me of this. So did my husband and technology-progressive children. So did the man at the battery store where I went to see if the old phone’s warped, swollen battery could be recharged to hold a charge long enough for me to download the Smart Switch app so I could upload my data wirelessly to the new phone…after 30 minutes of charging the battery on his charger, I was at 50% and on a race against time. I was foiled by not having internet access…apparently since the old SIM card had been deactivated; so complicated.

Taunted by wistful thoughts of “why, oh why am I in this quandary of a predicament? if only I had saved it to The Cloud instead of my device, thinking it was more secure,” I remembered the flip side: that this is a way to have a fresh and clean start. Uncluttered and unencumbered by accumulation of years of data that – for the most part – I rarely accessed. As I sit in NC on the eve of Hurricane Florence approaching my community, I am reminded that Jesus is the most dependable back-up, and I must completely, totally, and wholly rely upon Him. Every day. No matter what. Because He is consistently faithful and never fails. Which is more than I can say for man’s technology…(sigh).

Praying that everyone affected by this hurricane season stays safe…feel free to e-mail me your contact info if you’d like to keep in touch. Stay blessed and encouraged!

“It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.”
(Psalm 118:8)

“In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.”
(Proverbs 14:26)

Kayren Cathcart's Blog

Observations on daily life and inspiration for spiritual growth…

adversity

Feeling Tossed?

But After That…

Truth in the Inward Parts

Functioning, but Dysfunctional

Can These Bones Yet Live Again?

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

Moving Tales: Preparing to Sojourn

Purging My Burgeoning Past: Approaching the End of an Epoch

Offline for System Maintenance

Do YOU Have a Reliable Back-up?