change

The Bill of Lading: Putting Down Burdens That Weren’t Mine to Begin With

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So I called the “Calgon – take me away!” hotline today, slightly dismayed to find out the line was busy…imagine that!  Here I am clamoring and clawing in desperation for someone to stop the dizzying, frenetic pace of the merry-go-round of a schedule I feel stuck on, only to realize in a flash of clarity that I am the person who can make it stop.  That’s a rather empowering realization.

Once again, I got caught up in a cycle of madness, only to return to the footstool of Jesus – bedraggled, worn, and spent – asking Him to restore me.  I could just imagine His eyes twinkling as He gently admonished, “Since you’ve finished trying to do My job, are you ready to try it My way now?”

Maturity has taught me that I don’t have to be near a breakdown to have these creatively inspired, introspective, pensively poetic moments…but you’ve gotta admit, it makes for good reading!  🙂

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

(Matthew 11:28)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Rubber Meets the Road: Committing To Walk the Talk

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Have you ever noticed that when you make a decision to change, you get tested on it pretty much immediately – to see if you’re really committed to changing?

One recent morning during my commute, I purposed in my heart to have a day of consecration for the purpose of clarity and cleansing.  I decided to drink only water – I wanted nothing to distract me from hearing God’s voice regarding the specific requests I had placed on the altar.  Now before you go thinking, “Oh, she’s so deep,” I ask you to reference numerous other posts where I detail my ongoing battles with loving food too much and acknowledging my need for more self-discipline in that area for optimal health and well being.  I’ve failed to keep a fast many times before because I hadn’t firmly made up my mind.  It’s not about deepness – it’s about obedience!  Well, lo and behold if a friend didn’t call and ask me for a “short notice lunch” that same afternoon.  Mind you, we’d been trying to schedule a get-together for months.  I sensed a test!  🙂

Since I really did want to meet with her, I asked the Lord to show me His will in this situation.  Perhaps He wanted to use me to encourage her and let my light shine as a witness of His grace.  I wanted to make myself available.  I let her know I would be glad to join her as long as she didn’t mind me having just water.  Astonished (because she knew how much I enjoyed eating as a recreational sport), she responded, “You’re fasting?  More power to you!  We won’t go to your favorite restaurant so there’s less suffering on your part.”  I laughed as I mused, “Isn’t suffering a significant part of self-denial?”  I was glad I didn’t cave in to the temptation to procrastinate and restart another day.  The flesh lost this battle – yay!  I was destined for victory, and willing to pay the price.

In the past, I’ve made a “promise” to God, then “changed my mind” when circumstances were unfavorable.  On more occasions than I care to admit, I’ve had a “conditional fast” – saying, “Well Lord, I’ll fast until I see those extra bagels left after the meeting; certainly you’ll permit me reschedule this and start over tomorrow – that sacrifice will be just as good – right?”  Maybe you can relate?  I’ve even left myself an “out” – confidently leaving my lunch bag at home, while realizing in the back of my mind that if I got the munchies, I had plenty of fruit to nibble on at my desk…after all – it’s fruit, right?  Trust me, it doesn’t pay to rationalize with God – He always wins!  All His ways are righteous and holy – and we are called to be like Him.  Do it His way to reap His results.

When you decide to agree with God’s will, He causes everything to line up.  He touched my friend’s heart to support my efforts to hear Him more clearly.  Why?  Because He wants me to be a participant in this next phase of His move – and in order to do that, I have to be able to hear Him clearly.  And that requires clearing out the junk – both spiritual and natural.  He will always make a way of escape – the question is whether or not we choose to take it!  Truly, I rely on Him moment-by-moment for my provision.  May we evermore commit to putting no confidence in the flesh, but to putting all confidence in the God of our salvation.  He desires for us to grow, mature, and develop – which requires change from our current status.  Let us go to the next level and embrace the sacrifices required to walk into a new season.  It will be worth it.

“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

(Isaiah 43:19)

 © Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Power of A Deliberate Decision

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I’m experiencing a shift and a realignment – both in the spirit and in the natural.  Today, I realized how very happy I really am.  I awoke on my Saturday at 6:00 a.m. and actually wanted to stay up!  Granted, I didn’t stay up (anyone who knows me is aware of how much I value those few-and-far-between opportunities to sleep late), but the excitement bubbling inside could’ve kept me up.  Instead of watching TV, I worked…I guess that’s what a little motivation will do for you!  I can see how much time (or productivity) unconscious, mindless TV watching has drained from me fulfilling my God-given purpose. 

And eating – that’s changed for me, too.  I used to love eating rich meals with my slim and well-proportioned husband.  While his metabolism burned off whatever touched his lips, calories and fat seemed to obstinately accumulate on my hips (and all sites north and south of that vicinity).  It was a common way I used to fellowship, but now I’ve made some deliberate decisions about where I want to be and what it will take for me (not someone else) to maintain a healthy body and a healthy lifestyle.  I passed up his special Super Bowl baked beans laden with ground beef and sausage.  Instead of feeling deprived, I knew my innards thanked me.  And now when I hear the tinkling of his spoon in the ice cream bowl, I don’t even flinch – to God be the glory!  So this is what it means to make a decision and stick with it, huh?    What a novel concept!

I’m growing in confidence that the decisions I make are good for me, not requiring (as much!) affirmation or validation from others because I’m the one who has to live with my decisions.  I’ll admit that sometimes it helps to have a nudge in the right direction from a supportive friend.  Yet, I can’t get caught up in the comfort of company or companionship.  Some paths are meant to be traveled in solitude and reflection.  Like the journey of becoming. 

After having lived to utterly please others for so long, this is indeed a new way of traveling.  I feel lighter already.  Bye-bye excess baggage…I see a place for you to be unloaded.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

(Hebrews 12:1-2)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

A New Way of Walking

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This is very different indeed.  I used to think I owed it to myself to worry.  Yet, worrying accomplishes nothing productive.  And I’ve discovered that the less I obsess about something, the shorter time it takes for it to work itself out.  Amazing, isn’t it?  I know it sounds silly, but many of us live a significant portion of our lives – too much – wondering about what’s up the road and around the corner.

See, I’m a planner by nature.  Thankfully, the Lord saw fit to give me a husband who is very action-oriented.  Whenever he sees my eyebrows lift and my forehead start to crinkle up, he asks me, “What’s wrong, and what can you do about it?”  Not once does he join me in my grandiose “what if” planning, thinking, pondering, and contemplating until I’m completely preoccupied with the mental chess game I’ve set up inside my noggin in 10 seconds flat.  Instead, he gently guides me to think about the things I do have control over to modify whatever situation I may be facing.

So in this season, I’m resting in Christ, knowing that His Word illuminates the path I am to walk – and I don’t have to worry about it…at all.  As long as I walk in obedience, I’ll reach the destination He has appointed for me.

“Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein.”

(Jeremiah 6:16)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Buildup and Residue

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I was so very warm, cozy, and super comfy in the bed when I muttered to myself, “Must – pass – test.”  See, staying in the bed either when summoned by inspiration to write or when nudged by the Holy Spirit to pray were two areas I’d seriously slacked in.  However, that is not a testimony of excellence…so here I am.  I’ve got to get rid of that residue from the way I “used to” do business.

While getting my hair fixed recently, I saw for myself the impact of product buildup.  The lady in the chair next to me was afflicted by hairspray residue causing a mass of fine flakes that I thought looked like dandruff.  Yes, it looked really bad on the black cape that draped her shoulders.  As the stylist educated her (while I eavesdropped), I began to wonder what it looks like on the inside when we let things build up without getting rid of them over time.  If we don’t wash the junk away regularly, it will accumulate.  So it is with our hearts.  If we allow negative thoughts – or just “plain ol’ sin” in general – to build up, eventually we’re going to explode. 

Real-life examples of residue include oil particulates left in a pan you just washed; egg fragments stuck on a spatula that just ran through the dishwasher; malice, unforgiveness, hurt, bitterness, anger, and anything left over from the old fleshly life (attitudes included).  Gasoline commercials warn that buildup on a car’s engine will slow its performance and impede its peak operating effectiveness.  Why wouldn’t it be so with our hearts?  It is.

“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.

Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.”

(James 4:8)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Stop Travelling a Dead-End Escape Route

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Have you ever tried hiding from your thoughts?  Eventually:

  1. You’ll run out of breath,
  2. They’ll get better technology and overtake you, or
  3. You’ll realize the exercise in futility and stop running – because they’ll always be with you until you deal with them.

 Come to think of it, have I ever really drawn a line in the sand about my eating habits?  Yes, but it was over 10 years ago.  I always want to leave a way out, an escape route, a “Plan B” just in case it doesn’t work out, but that’s a cop-out.  There is no instant fix for replacing unhealthy habits to healthy habits aside from commitment to a lifestyle transformation – and making it happen.  There, I said it.  So now I’m accountable.  Here I go…once again, but I am going in the right direction.

Maybe overeating or under-exercising aren’t your weaknesses.  Perhaps you don’t have any cravings or addictions to speak of, but you hold bitterness, unforgiveness, or anger in your heart.  I challenge you to face whatever holds you back from serving God whole-heartedly – and ask Him to help you to be an overcomer in that area, too.  We want to be balanced (physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially) – instead of looking successful and prosperous on the outside, but in actuality being “tore up from the floor up” on the inside.  Let the journey begin…with Christ as our only way of escape.

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

(I Corinthians 10:13)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Facing the Intuitively Obvious

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Why is it so challenging to stay the course when distracted?  Someone else may be permitted to do something that’s not really good for you – but that’s no excuse to join in indulging with them, no matter how close they are to you.

For example, I hear (through my closed bedroom door) the familiar sound of my healthy, nicely-proportioned, not overweight husband getting his pre-bedtime snack.  I hear the click of the dishwasher opening as he reaches for his favorite bowl, the sliding of the drawer to get an eating utensil, and the beeps of the microwave.  Even if I’m not hungry, these sounds trigger behavior that has contributed to me gaining an extra 40+ pounds over the past decade.  At first, late night eating was fun, and joining my spouse with a snack became a habit – a calorie-rich habit.  Now I see that because I wasn’t disciplined enough to make healthier choices, I’m paying for it now.  Ugh.  (Trust me, I didn’t wanna get that real, but in order to make a change, you’ve gotta identify the root cause of the issue and isolate the problem). 

Action-oriented people ask me, “So what are you gonna do about it?”  Instead of seething or having a grossly underattended pity-party, I may as well face the reality of my genetic predisposition to the “magnetic middle area” and not only decrease my food intake, but get moving.  I feel like a broken record because I’ve started and stopped exercise routines more times than I care to count.  So did that cause disappointment?  Yeah, but I didn’t stick to it.  But “it” wasn’t clearly defined (subconsciously or deliberately) so I could give myself an “out” when I failed…talk about defeatist thinking!  Now I can no longer afford to pay the price for failure.  So this is what it means to embrace change, eh?  Hello to a new day and a new way…

“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient:

all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.”

(I Corinthians 10:23)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Friend or Foe?

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When you don’t release what’s inside, there’s an unnatural flow and process is hindered.  Watching other people live their dreams (for example, watching hours of reality shows like I did over a long weekend) is ridiculous when you’re stagnating as a result of your own choices, actions, or as it may conversely be, inaction.  No doubt, it’s easy not to change, not to rock the boat, not to push the envelope.  But what has God called us to?  Being transformed by the renewing of our minds through Christ Jesus.

Personal accountability:  I didn’t wanna be put on blast because of what I wasn’t doing, so I thought I could just fade into the woodwork…I mean really, how many people have already read all 40+ of my previous blog entries?  Yet a sister asked me yesterday, “When are you gonna update your blog?”  At first my mind raced defensively, “I started the blog during a 2-week vacation when I wasn’t at work, didn’t have to drive the “mommy bus,” and had time to be alone with my thoughts.”  But all of those so-called reasons were just excuses I was trying to hide behind.  And this sista wouldn’t let me (you know who you are, Tiffy!  LOL).  So I guess I owe her a thank you for telling me the truth.  That’s what a true friend does.  She helped me get back into position and be who God called me, not who I think I am or feel like at a given moment due to circumstances.

And it all comes back to being tested by the Word.  I did just speak about obedience a few days ago, didn’t I?  Big ol’ bull’s-eye on my back like a bright red target…I’d better get it right this time!  It’s reassuring to know I’m not in this alone.

“A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

(Proverbs 17:17)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Loss or Gain?

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I never connected to Philippians 3 like this before.  Who wants to say that their past accomplishments and accolades no longer count and are worth diddly-squat?  It’s not human nature to acknowledge that I have no righteousness of my own, but I must win Christ and be found in Him.  I certainly breezed past those “fellowship of His sufferings” and “being made conformable unto His death” parts.  Death sounded mighty final – because IT IS.  Death – not sexy, not glamorous, but unavoidable, certain, and inescapable.  The portal through which I must pass to gain His life – life eternal.

My pastor recently told us to allow God to “blow some things up in us,” things that have been entrenched and deep-seated.  Detonation’s after-effects are destruction.  Who wants to go rummaging and rambling through rubble attempting to salvage the past?  In that respect, I suppose it’s just easier to start over again.  This level of self-disclosure is getting painfully more uncomfortable.  It was already beyond my control, but now everything is open season.  Why?  Because God will get the return on His investment.  If He put me here in the earth and gave me a specific assignment, I’d better get to getting’.  Hear that?  It’s the sound of the rubber meeting the road.

The suffering of the multitudes impacted by the Haitian earthquake has been prominently displayed in the news – and rightfully so.  Hopefully, it has provoked us to intense gratitude for what we already have…so much.  My prayer is that His perfect will be made manifest even in the midst of what seems to be a desolate and overwhelming situation.  He comes through in extraordinary times like this, you know!

“But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.”

(Philippians 3:7)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Razed Before Being Raised

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What a timely title in light of our prayers for the people impacted by the Haiti earthquake.  Selah.

Completely torn down.  That’s what I’ve come face to face with regarding my past, and it’s a bit bizarre.  When you think your past was okay, or really cool, then you get a breaking news update that you’ve gotta let it go, it can be unsettling.  Perhaps that’s why I hadn’t written much in the new year to post – because I could see change a-comin’ but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.  Throwing “but I used to…” out of one’s vocabulary can be disconcerting – nevertheless, it’s needful.  Something on a recent makeover and personal transformation show really resonated with me, “You have to let go of who you were to embrace who you’re becoming.”  Not so “deep” when referring to fashion sense or a style philosophy, but at that moment, it was profound for me.

Another culminating “Twilight Zone” moment occurred this weekend when my children were playing VHS tapes of me from high school…1993 to be exact.  As my maiden name flashed up on the screen during an interview about a scholarship I’d won, my children asked, “Who is that?!”  Yes dear ones, who is that, indeed. 

So this year unfolds with yet another set of opportunities to emerge as that new creature in Christ.  Old things are passed away.  So what’s next?  I’m not quite sure.  But I do know that when spiritual demolition is complete, the new building that rises from below ground level is more impressive, more updated, and more sturdy than what formerly occupied the space.  In this I take comfort.

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

(II Corinthians 5:17)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart