forgiveness

In A Moment…

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…in the twinkling of an eye…

At first, my husband kindly offered to take my daughter on the last day of the cross-town trek to her summer technology opportunity (I was traumatized by the treacherous traffic gridlock I’d experienced 2 days prior; I think he felt sorry for me). Then his schedule changed, so it was back in my lap for that morning’s pick-up and drop-off activities. However, it put me perfectly on schedule for where I was supposed to be. I even made it to my 9am meeting ON TIME…in spite of rush hour traffic.

The swipe card reader was broken where I usually enter the elevators, so I had to go to the main lobby for access. This put me at the elevator bank with one of our senior leaders (who is totally personable and approachable). I spoke to her and she complimented my polka dot lunch bag. As we waited for the elevator, she told me she was texting a co-worker (whom I knew of)…and told me that the lady’s teenage daughter had passed away in an accident the past weekend. This same executive had unexpectedly lost her young daughter several years ago, so support and encouragement from her carries the weight of a parent who has gone through the grieving process firsthand. I gave her a hug and told her she was SO much more than her job, then the elevator whisked her up to the top floor of our building. 

It was a sobering thought that put everything in perspective for me. As I began to pray for the bereaved family, suddenly that beastly traffic didn’t seem like such a burdensome sacrifice for the daughter I’d just dropped off. In the big scheme of the cosmos, my unplanned personal schedule change and what seemed like subsequent obstructions weren’t about me pressing to make it to my conference call on time. It was about being mindful enough to connect on a human level – in real time – with the people around me who are greatly loved by God. May we always remember to let our light shine…wherever we find ourselves.

“51 Behold, I shew you a mystery;
We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye,
at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound,
and the dead shall be raised incorruptible,
and we shall be changed.
55 O death, where is thy sting?
O grave, where is thy victory?
57 But thanks be to God,
which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
(I Corinthians 15:51-52, 55, 57)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

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Trust me – this IS progress; the drawer WAS fully stuffed yesterday…

So a co-worker called me the offensive “h-word” today…no, not heifer…hoarder. I smarted as if I’d been stung by a bee, wondering where that zinger came from. I thought I had made progress. And I had, until it became incumbent upon me to prepare for the inevitable office move of less than 50 feet to the other side of the SAME floor (side glance – now what executive thought this was an efficiency-saver?! Riiight…). With 2 days to go, I was definitely under pressure and behind the power curve.

Honestly, I can understand my co-worker’s point (I know she meant no harm, and it really was ridiculous the amount of stuff I’d collected while sitting there since 2014 – and of course I brought a few things from previous roles, too. Or maybe more than a few, it seems…). I also understood the moving coordinators who stopped by ever-so-often to gently inquire if I was gonna make the “be off the floor ‘cuz the movers are here” Friday at 2pm deadline. As the pressure mounted, I felt myself getting more overwhelmed. (I’d already had a mini-meltdown when stripping the cube walls earlier in the week – everything looked so stark, empty, and blank. Then I saw my children’s baby pictures and reflected on my youngest now heading to high school and the tears started leaking out of my eyelids. It wasn’t a pretty moment. Thankfully, it passed quickly).

As I toted papers to the shred bin, another co-worker peeked her head out from behind her computer monitor – a new employee who I noticed like to write, just like me. However, I discovered her hidden superpower today: organizing. She watched me swoosh past her desk several times frantically ferrying the many small to mid-sized boxes I’d accumulated over years of administrative support “just in case someone needs ‘em, I’ve got ‘em!” Finally she asked me, “Are you OK?” And I sheepishly whispered that I’d just been called a hoarder and I needed to speed up my purging if I was gonna make the packing deadline without the movers tossing any remaining unpacked items – of which I had many lingering.

With a single sentence, she tossed me a lifesaver of hope, “When you get to your new cube, we’re going to get you off to a fresh, new, organized workspace.” Wow – someone who barely knew me was offering to help me (because it was obvious that I desperately needed assistance since my plan to keep accumulating and stuffing had finally reached the breaking point – no pun intended…I think my file drawers were at capacity).

So today’s lesson is this: At some point, you’ve gotta take some stuff out to maintain a healthy balance; you can’t keep shovin’ stuff in. This goes for emotions, relationships, food, whatever…

Let the cleansing continue.

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My desk & shelves haven’t been this empty since I moved into this cube in 2014…I’m learning to travel lighter – that’s for sure!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”
(Psalm 51:10)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Sterile/Sterilized Relationships

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Tough to admit to myself – let alone to others, but I realize after reading Matthew 18:15 that I’ve pretty much had an emotional condom at the ready in most of my friendships – just in case things got heated! Not wanting to be fully transparent and unable to yield to complete intimacy for fear of being unliked, unaccepted, misunderstood, or just downright rejected. Trying to protect myself from as-yet-unhappened hurts (but bracing for their potential occurrence). That’s why I wore a mask and tried to only show the “good parts” of me. But that’s unreal. Not human. Did that make me an alien? LOL. No, but it did contribute to the existence of a very tormented, agonizing human.

Trying to broker all these moving pieces in multiple dynamic relationships was like spinning a bunch of plates. And when the exhaustion of trying to manage the not-meant-to-be-managed process caused me to fray, I went kaput and the gears stopped turning and the wheels ground to a screeching halt. The plates began to crash as I no longer had the energy to meticulously attend to each one wobbling out of control – just beyond my grasp and inability to “fix it.”  And I was left to examine myself, and the trail of fragmented relationships strewn on the path behind me.

Then a funny thing happened: God caused me to start revisiting those relationships. Not to reopen old wounds, but for the purpose of closure. So I could see that – even in the midst of my own imperfections, shortcomings, and mistakes (of which there are many) – He was able to bring healing to my broken places if I would but allow Him access. Vulnerable place? You betcha. But it’s where I find myself. And when you come to understand that being on the Potter’s wheel is exactly where He wants you so He can fashion an even more exquisite vessel out of the disparate pieces of your life, a certain level of peace comes. I remain in progress and in process…

“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”
(Matthew 18:15)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Cocoon, Casket, or Crypt?

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Sometimes the familiar can be a comfortable fit, but are we mature enough to see when it’s stunting our growth – or worse yet, contributing to our demise because we’ve held onto it for too long?

A cocoon is a safe place of development. However, it is not intended to be a permanent dwelling place. At some point, we must be willing to leave that which has nurtured and protected us and launch out into the deep, trusting the providence of God to provide for us when our feet can’t touch the bottom of the pool – or when He challenges us to move beyond the pool and out to the ocean. Often scary – yet necessary.

A casket is a holding place for those things which indeed once were, but now have become past tense. Sometimes we try to hold onto them, only to experience their decay and disintegration right in the palms of our hands. Because they weren’t meant to last forever – they were only temporal.

A crypt is defined as “an underground room or vault beneath a church, used as a chapel or burial place.” Might there be some things we’re trying to hold onto that need to be buried and put behind us, that we return to them no more?

We each have people, places, and things that fit in all three of these categories – whether we want to admit it or not. May we yield to the wise and timely leading of the Holy Spirit to recognize the shift in season and transition into a new dispensation – and respond accordingly.

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”
(Ecclesiastes 3:11)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Li’l Microphone Hogs: Sign ME Up

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While driving to work this morning, I heard a classic gospel song, Sign Me Up (for the Christian Jubilee, write my name on the roll…). Instantly, I was transported back to my grandma’s Baptist church where I first sang in the Youth Choir. I smiled when I had to admit that – even 30+ years later – I still felt a li’l twinge of somethin’ thinking about my friend getting that solo (instead of me)…and I had to laugh. Granted, I had my own assigned solo, and I probably didn’t even want to lead “her song,” but for some reason at that time, seeing her take the microphone on that song just got my goat! LOL

As backup and fill-in director of my current church’s Youth Choir when needed, I got thrown into leading a rehearsal at a few minutes’ notice a couple of months ago. I was NOT ready for the 4 and 5 year-olds. No, really. My children are teenagers now, so all the dramatic stuff that goes along with that younger phase is in my rear-view mirror. As we worked on a song until the Director arrived, I got this burst of inspiration to let different children try the lead. When I asked for volunteers, all three of the littlest girls eagerly raised their hands. Uh oh, who to pick first?

Well, the one I selected to go first did a great job and had a strong voice. I gave the obligatory round of applause and prodded the children to encourage their fellow choir member for doing a fantastic job. When I pried the microphone from her hands to pass it to the second volunteer, I noticed that three lines into the song, the first leader was just standing there…not singing…sulking in protest. At age 5. Wow. I whispered to her, “Now we can’t be like that, sweetie; everybody gets a chance to praise the Lord with their voice!” Not easily cajoled, she was at least moving her lips by the end of the song, even if her heart was a few steps behind.

Whew – crisis averted! Until Volunteer #3 finally got her moment in the spotlight…and then I had two disgruntled soloists pouting at me from the front row. When the Director finally arrived (which seemed like an eternity later), I was more than glad to turn those tiny tot singers back over to her tutelage (I know my limitations, and I was nearing my “patient lovingkindness with a group of children on a Saturday morning” quotient)!

In retrospect, that was a humorous turn of events. But how often – as adults – do we still wish we had what someone else has? Do we know what it cost them to get it – or what sacrifices they continue to make in order to keep it? There’s no room in the Body of Christ for covetousness – we’ve gotta cut out the foolishness if we want to see our names on the Heavenly Roll!

“2 I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.
3 And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers,
whose names are in the book of life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.
5 Let your moderation be known unto all men.
The Lord is at hand.”
(Philippians 4:2-5, KJV)

“2 I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree and to work in harmony in the Lord.
3 Indeed, I ask you too, my true companion, to help these women [to keep on cooperating], for they have shared my struggle in the [cause of the] gospel, together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers,
whose names are in the Book of Life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, take pleasure in Him]; again I will say, rejoice!
5 Let your gentle spirit [your graciousness, unselfishness, mercy, tolerance, and patience] be known to all people.
The Lord is near.”
(Philippians 4:2-5, AMP)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Veggie Tales: Choked Out

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cucumber choked 7-23-18

We were only away on vacation for a week, but lack of rain and daily attention took a visible toll on our garden. Another cucumber had grown through the fence in and precarious manner. It looked like it was trying to escape, but the wire was wrapped precariously around a significant portion (the “neck,” I wondered?). In order to use it, a part of it would have to be sacrificed. There was no way to use this cucumber in its intact state. It would have to be cut to be used. I wondered wistfully, “Am I this cucumber, Lord? Have I gotten so fixed in my mindset and stuck in my way of doing things that I and no longer useful in my current state of entanglement?”

In the event that you don’t have a backyard garden that doubles as a reflective mirror, let me encourage you: later that morning, my wonderful hubby brought in a skinny-necked cucumber – in one piece – that looked almost like the one in this photo. I was heartened, and breathlessly asked how he extricated it from the wire. He said, “Carefully…but another one I had to break in half to release it.” I knew immediately that he had to break the cucumber in the photo, because the one he’d brought in was a bit smaller.

Immediately convicted, I repented in my heart. I don’t want to allow any of my surroundings (people, places, things, situations, or circumstances) to become the cares of this world that choke the Word in my life and cause me to become unfruitful. May we choose not to resist God at work in the gardens of our lives so we can bring forth fruit to perfection and maturity that glorifies Him.

“He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.”
(Matthew 13:22)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Veggie Tales: Dying on the Vine

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cucumber shriveled 7-23-18

A shriveled cucumber in our garden caught my attention. Not able to provide nutrients or nourishment, it languished. I knew it would never make it to a salad on MY table! Its label said “cucumber,” but its presentation said “washed-up has-been.” Sure, it was in the right place, surrounded by like kind…but it was deficient (lacking something), and the overwhelming evidence of its inadequacy presented itself as the sun beat down mercilessly on all the garden’s inhabitants. It was a pitiful sight.

Could this offer a similar parallel to us in relation to those who surround us? We want to show that we’re just as healthy, healed, and whole as the next person, but deep down inside, we know that we require the touch of the Master Gardener to tend us back to vibrancy and vitality. Whether we need an adjustment of our intake of sun, water, fertilizer, or even the dreaded (but necessary) pruning, we know we need His presence.

Today, I encourage you to take every shriveled cucumber in your life, lay it at the Masters feet, and ask Him to do a work of restoration in you. It won’t likely be instantaneous, and it will probably involve process and obedience – but it’s worth it to be connected to your Divine Source. Stay connected to the True Vine, and watch Him cultivate something beautiful in your life.

“4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.”
(John 15:4-5)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Backing Up Into the Mercy of God

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The names have been changed to protect the innocent who may or may not have unintentionally impacted their own garage doors…

As I left the house to pick up my children from their science summer camp, I must’ve gotten my sequence – or at least my timing – out of whack. It kinda changed the course of my afternoon into the epic saga chronicled below. Pop some popcorn – don’t say I didn’t warn ya…

Backstory (because with me, there’s always a backstory, right?): This morning, my valiant husband saw something in the yard that didn’t belong and promptly disposed of it. Since he knows how much I absolutely abhor and detest creepy-crawlies, he was quite inconspicuous about addressing this as part of his “on my way to work” routine. But as I passed the window, I saw something he’d speared hanging from the rake and was taking to the big garbage can. I cringed, grateful that something hadn’t gotten me the last time I went to pick fresh garden basil – eek! I was safe, thanks to my knight in shining armor wielding a yard implement.

With this backstory in mind as I cautiously scanned for signs of an unwanted something anywhere near my garage, I got in the car to go get my children and was ready to shut the door quickly to batten down the hatches and fortify my castle. The radio was on with a Bible story being read, I pressed the garage door opener button, put the car in Reverse, and <clunk!>…wait a minute, that’s NOT a sound I’m used to hearing. I put the car in Drive as I realized the garage door hadn’t finished going up before I accelerated in Reverse. Ugh! Not good.

I tentatively pushed the garage door button and the door made its way back up. Good. I backed up wayyyy more slowly; once out of the garage, I gently pushed the button and saw the door going down…until it was crooked…and stopped moving. Not good. Halfway closed, halfway open…and my house potentially susceptible to something crawling in. Oh noooooo! I’d made up my mind to tell my hubby face-to-face about the slight paint scrape on the vehicle’s point of contact (merely cosmetic, I wistfully assessed). But the mangled, defeated-looking metal door (with a slight vehicle-shaped bulge along the bottom edge) hanging off-kilter necessitated immediate self-disclosure.

With slight apprehension, I dialed my hubby as I drove to pick up the children – on time, mind you – and recounted an abbreviated version of my past 5 minutes. He said he was leaving work immediately to take care of this at home. I guess the inquiry in my sweetest voice, “Who would you call if you needed help getting a garage door to close?” didn’t garner his vote of confidence in my ability to satisfactorily resolve the situation on my own. I can’t say I blamed him.

By the time I returned home with the children (safely and without further incident, thankfully), he was already parked in the driveway and surveying my unsolicited demolition; he must’ve flown from his job. But he looked at me squarely and said, “That’s why we have insurance. We can get another garage door or vehicle, but we can’t replace you.” Talk about being overwhelmed by the manifested love and mercy of God! My hubby’s genuinely compassionate response turned my sheepishness to relief. (Sidebar: Who needs Hallmark Channel fantasies with real life moments like that?! LOL).

After a few RFPs summoning the first garage door professional who could be on-site, the garage door was down about 4 hours later (with only a slight rift at the bottom, hopefully impenetrable by something), its replacement to be installed early next week.

The story could’ve turned out so differently. So I end this day on a note of sincere gratitude to my Creator and Protector (who saw fit to give me a godly husband to watch out for me – ‘cuz obviously I need oversight!), and a resolution to slow down even more. I invite you to take a moment to reflect on God’s mercy in your own life. You don’t even have to back into your own garage door to be reflective! 🙂

“19 Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall.
20 My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.
21 This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
22 It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
24 The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
25 The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
26 It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.”
(Lamentations 3:19-26)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

May I Have This Dance?

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choreography – the art of creating and arranging dances

Encyclopedia Britannica emphasizes that the word “choreography” derives from the Greek for “dance” and for “write.” (I love learning about word origins). In the 17th and 18th centuries, it did indeed mean the written record of dances. Neato-burrito! (I’m such a word nerd – ha!). Today, I saw another facet of my Creator: Choreographer of the Universe. I was awestruck.

I caught this unexpected glimpse of His glory as I read II Peter 3:9. I was studying “longsuffering” (not by personal choice…but because it’s an attribute of God AND a fruit of the Spirit – therefore, something that should be evident in my life! LOL) with the assistance of my favorite online lexicon (BLB). When I came to the part of the verse that says “…that all should come to repentance,” I delved into the meaning of “should come” – in Greek, it’s chōréō (G5562) which means “to leave space (which may be filled or occupied by another), to make room, give place, yield.”

I was instantly convicted. I’ve been trying to orchestrate a few situations (or maybe more than a few) in my own life. What wife, mother, daughter, friend, or employee hasn’t done this?! However, a sense of peace and calm came over me as I reflected that in ALL things, I must yield to God’s plan and leave space for HIS will. God is the Master Choreographer, and He knows where everything and everyone is placed on His grand stage. When I choose to dance with and for Him, I can trust and rely on His timing, design, and sequence (for both movement and stillness) to be divinely ordered. My steps won’t be awkward when I allow Him to take the lead. I must make room and leave space to receive from Him as I dance through life, instead of trying to fill in everything on my own and from my limited perspective. This was the realigning reminder I needed before drifting off to sleep with a smile on my face. I encourage you to accept the invitation to take His hand this week, allow Him to lead you, and enjoy the dance!

“Let them praise his name in the dance:
let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.”
(Psalm 149:3)

“The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.”
(II Peter 3:9)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Power of Active Choice vs. Default

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default – failure to act; course of action that a program or operating system will take when the user or programmer specifies no overriding value or action

Saturday afternoon, I had a great conversation with another mom of growing adolescents. Our chat meandered from grocery store budgeting tips for keeping our giants nourished to specific foods they like. As we talked about the weeknight (anytime!) lifesaver known as ramen noodles, I told her I didn’t eat them anymore because of the high sodium content of the flavor packets. She quickly assured me that she enjoys hers with reduced sodium chicken broth…and I saw sunbeams emitting from the heavens.

Sunday afternoon, my hubby grilled hot dogs for the family. Knowing I didn’t need the excess sodium, I skipped the hot dogs, but wasn’t sure what I wanted for lunch. After my nap, I thought about those ramen noodles and pulled out my low-sodium chicken broth. Three minutes and three dashes of pepper later, I was enjoying some tasty soup on my front porch while birdwatching. It wasn’t until halfway through the bowl that I realized, “Hey, I made a better decision instead of just going along with what everyone else was doing!” I also took a 20 minute walk with my children instead of perfecting my couch potato skills all afternoon.

Fresh off of yesterday’s triumph, I ordered a salad today for lunch. When I opened the box, nestled right next to the wheat crackers and the pickle spear, I noticed a frosted sugar cookie (that I didn’t order) wrapped in cellophane…staring at me…summoning me to take a tiny nibble. I refused the invitation and promptly took the cookie intruder to our office break room so someone else could give it a new home.

So many times I just gave in to the thing in front of me because it was easier than politely declining or steadfastly refusing something that looked/smelled/sounded/seemed soooo good – but really wasn’t. Yet, these past couple of days have been different. So I guess the “Shake Up Your Routine” speech I gave this week at Toastmasters is having an impact on ME. And I’m proud of myself for finally making some necessary changes. Sure, it was “just one meal,” “just one walk,” and “just one cookie that didn’t slide down my gullet.” But it was a start. And it was MY fresh start of commitment to continue down a better path so I can see positive results and experience improved health. This week, challenge yourself not to yield to the default…leave a comment if you’d like some support on your journey – because you’re certainly not the only one who has to put effort into actively making righteous choices!

“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:”
(Deuteronomy 30:19)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart