humility

Dusk/Nightfall: Time to Replenish

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You know morning comes again after the darkness. And you still yourself and endure just a little while longer. The moon and the ever-changing sky palette were a perfect recap to this full week. Taking a moment to savor my progression was a welcome respite.

I took time for my cardio activity, not being concerned about anyone else for that 30 minutes. It wasn’t selfish; it was restorative. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that while my matriarchal role models could nurture the ever-living daylights out of someone (or everyone in their sphere of influence), they didn’t generally model self-care effectively – or at all. So I’m learning (of a necessity) how to do this now. Acknowledging that taking care of others doesn’t have to occur at the expense of neglecting myself. Balance is possible – when you make it an intentionally incorporated part of the process – it doesn’t happen on its own!  

Sometimes my own self-care is the best of intentions with weak (or no) execution. Sometimes it’s trial-and-error. But sometimes – like today – I nail it! So I celebrate my success without guilt. Because what good am I to others if there’s nothing left to give? Exactly…

How can you intentionally celebrate your own prelude to joy this week? Give it some thought. Feel free to share in the comments if you’d like.

“5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
10 Hear, O Lord, and have mercy upon me: Lord, be thou my helper.
11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.”
(Psalm 30:5, 10-12 KJV)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Sterile/Sterilized Relationships

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Tough to admit to myself – let alone to others, but I realize after reading Matthew 18:15 that I’ve pretty much had an emotional condom at the ready in most of my friendships – just in case things got heated! Not wanting to be fully transparent and unable to yield to complete intimacy for fear of being unliked, unaccepted, misunderstood, or just downright rejected. Trying to protect myself from as-yet-unhappened hurts (but bracing for their potential occurrence). That’s why I wore a mask and tried to only show the “good parts” of me. But that’s unreal. Not human. Did that make me an alien? LOL. No, but it did contribute to the existence of a very tormented, agonizing human.

Trying to broker all these moving pieces in multiple dynamic relationships was like spinning a bunch of plates. And when the exhaustion of trying to manage the not-meant-to-be-managed process caused me to fray, I went kaput and the gears stopped turning and the wheels ground to a screeching halt. The plates began to crash as I no longer had the energy to meticulously attend to each one wobbling out of control – just beyond my grasp and inability to “fix it.”  And I was left to examine myself, and the trail of fragmented relationships strewn on the path behind me.

Then a funny thing happened: God caused me to start revisiting those relationships. Not to reopen old wounds, but for the purpose of closure. So I could see that – even in the midst of my own imperfections, shortcomings, and mistakes (of which there are many) – He was able to bring healing to my broken places if I would but allow Him access. Vulnerable place? You betcha. But it’s where I find myself. And when you come to understand that being on the Potter’s wheel is exactly where He wants you so He can fashion an even more exquisite vessel out of the disparate pieces of your life, a certain level of peace comes. I remain in progress and in process…

“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”
(Matthew 18:15)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Offline for System Maintenance

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marred – spoiled, corrupted, ruined, injured, rotted

Preventive maintenance is better than a partial – or total – system failure (and subsequent shutdown)…mayday, mayday! Alert! Caution! Pay attention!

Though both scenarios involve not being able to access the system, when unavailability is planned, you can better prepare and respond. Making advanced arrangements and calculated adjustments can be smoother than in-the-moment, real-time reactions.

The off duty bus displays an “Out of Service” sign. Bathrooms do, too. “Closed for repairs.” “Pardon our progress.” So can a person hang an “Under Construction” sign around their neck? I’m just sayin’…it behooves us to be mindful of where people are in their process of being formed – or reformed – for the Master’s use and good pleasure.

“And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.”
(Jeremiah 18:4)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Rest for The Weary: Stop Living on Overdrawn Credit

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When do you finally realize you’ve been living beyond your means? When you’ve expended more emotional capital then you’ve amassed? When you’ve “tapped out” and have very little, if anything left to give if you don’t replenish your own storehouse?

Come to the wells of salvation and drink deeply…be saved from yourself – your own devices, plans, plots, desires, entrapments, entanglements…find rest for your soul in the Master’s presence.

You remember that place of refreshing – it’s still there. Waiting for your return – as a permanent resident in the presence of the Lord instead of intermittent visitor.

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life:
in thy presence is fulness of joy;
at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”
(Psalm 16:11, KJV)

“28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation].
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.”
(Matthew 11:28-30, AMP)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Hewn Down: Making Room for Progress…or Just Preventing Disaster?

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Trees 9-6-18

Cut down to a stump…

I was stunned to see several tree stumps outside of my workplace where healthy trees once stood tall. I hadn’t walked on that side of the building in ages, but it was hard not to noticed that a couple of trees had been cut down. Though I wondered why, it became a moment of personal reflection. Whether some of the trees were cut down because they were dying, crooked and in danger of harming people or property, or just downright unfruitful – or the orange markings indicated progress was coming through – I was still struck by the fact that some others survived the cut. It caused me to evaluate whether I am meeting the standards set forth in God’s Word. My conclusion: there is certainly room for improvement!

I want to consistently bring forth good fruit and be increasingly productive in God’s kingdom. Therefore, I must be willing to release and say farewell to the things of the past as He ushers in a new thing. Instead of holding onto the familiar for dear life with tightly clenched fists, in this season, I know I must allow the new thing to be birthed in me by yielding fully to the will of God. Purge me, Lord, and find me faithful to You…

“Behold, the former things are come to pass, and new things do I declare: before they spring forth I tell you of them.”
(Isaiah 42:9)

“18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.
19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”
(Isaiah 43:18-19)

“And now also the axe is laid unto the root of the trees: therefore every tree which bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.”
(Matthew 3:10)

“17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.”
(Matthew 7:17-20)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Veggie Tales: Choked Out

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cucumber choked 7-23-18

We were only away on vacation for a week, but lack of rain and daily attention took a visible toll on our garden. Another cucumber had grown through the fence in and precarious manner. It looked like it was trying to escape, but the wire was wrapped precariously around a significant portion (the “neck,” I wondered?). In order to use it, a part of it would have to be sacrificed. There was no way to use this cucumber in its intact state. It would have to be cut to be used. I wondered wistfully, “Am I this cucumber, Lord? Have I gotten so fixed in my mindset and stuck in my way of doing things that I and no longer useful in my current state of entanglement?”

In the event that you don’t have a backyard garden that doubles as a reflective mirror, let me encourage you: later that morning, my wonderful hubby brought in a skinny-necked cucumber – in one piece – that looked almost like the one in this photo. I was heartened, and breathlessly asked how he extricated it from the wire. He said, “Carefully…but another one I had to break in half to release it.” I knew immediately that he had to break the cucumber in the photo, because the one he’d brought in was a bit smaller.

Immediately convicted, I repented in my heart. I don’t want to allow any of my surroundings (people, places, things, situations, or circumstances) to become the cares of this world that choke the Word in my life and cause me to become unfruitful. May we choose not to resist God at work in the gardens of our lives so we can bring forth fruit to perfection and maturity that glorifies Him.

“He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.”
(Matthew 13:22)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Veggie Tales: Dying on the Vine

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cucumber shriveled 7-23-18

A shriveled cucumber in our garden caught my attention. Not able to provide nutrients or nourishment, it languished. I knew it would never make it to a salad on MY table! Its label said “cucumber,” but its presentation said “washed-up has-been.” Sure, it was in the right place, surrounded by like kind…but it was deficient (lacking something), and the overwhelming evidence of its inadequacy presented itself as the sun beat down mercilessly on all the garden’s inhabitants. It was a pitiful sight.

Could this offer a similar parallel to us in relation to those who surround us? We want to show that we’re just as healthy, healed, and whole as the next person, but deep down inside, we know that we require the touch of the Master Gardener to tend us back to vibrancy and vitality. Whether we need an adjustment of our intake of sun, water, fertilizer, or even the dreaded (but necessary) pruning, we know we need His presence.

Today, I encourage you to take every shriveled cucumber in your life, lay it at the Masters feet, and ask Him to do a work of restoration in you. It won’t likely be instantaneous, and it will probably involve process and obedience – but it’s worth it to be connected to your Divine Source. Stay connected to the True Vine, and watch Him cultivate something beautiful in your life.

“4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.”
(John 15:4-5)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Backing Up Into the Mercy of God

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The names have been changed to protect the innocent who may or may not have unintentionally impacted their own garage doors…

As I left the house to pick up my children from their science summer camp, I must’ve gotten my sequence – or at least my timing – out of whack. It kinda changed the course of my afternoon into the epic saga chronicled below. Pop some popcorn – don’t say I didn’t warn ya…

Backstory (because with me, there’s always a backstory, right?): This morning, my valiant husband saw something in the yard that didn’t belong and promptly disposed of it. Since he knows how much I absolutely abhor and detest creepy-crawlies, he was quite inconspicuous about addressing this as part of his “on my way to work” routine. But as I passed the window, I saw something he’d speared hanging from the rake and was taking to the big garbage can. I cringed, grateful that something hadn’t gotten me the last time I went to pick fresh garden basil – eek! I was safe, thanks to my knight in shining armor wielding a yard implement.

With this backstory in mind as I cautiously scanned for signs of an unwanted something anywhere near my garage, I got in the car to go get my children and was ready to shut the door quickly to batten down the hatches and fortify my castle. The radio was on with a Bible story being read, I pressed the garage door opener button, put the car in Reverse, and <clunk!>…wait a minute, that’s NOT a sound I’m used to hearing. I put the car in Drive as I realized the garage door hadn’t finished going up before I accelerated in Reverse. Ugh! Not good.

I tentatively pushed the garage door button and the door made its way back up. Good. I backed up wayyyy more slowly; once out of the garage, I gently pushed the button and saw the door going down…until it was crooked…and stopped moving. Not good. Halfway closed, halfway open…and my house potentially susceptible to something crawling in. Oh noooooo! I’d made up my mind to tell my hubby face-to-face about the slight paint scrape on the vehicle’s point of contact (merely cosmetic, I wistfully assessed). But the mangled, defeated-looking metal door (with a slight vehicle-shaped bulge along the bottom edge) hanging off-kilter necessitated immediate self-disclosure.

With slight apprehension, I dialed my hubby as I drove to pick up the children – on time, mind you – and recounted an abbreviated version of my past 5 minutes. He said he was leaving work immediately to take care of this at home. I guess the inquiry in my sweetest voice, “Who would you call if you needed help getting a garage door to close?” didn’t garner his vote of confidence in my ability to satisfactorily resolve the situation on my own. I can’t say I blamed him.

By the time I returned home with the children (safely and without further incident, thankfully), he was already parked in the driveway and surveying my unsolicited demolition; he must’ve flown from his job. But he looked at me squarely and said, “That’s why we have insurance. We can get another garage door or vehicle, but we can’t replace you.” Talk about being overwhelmed by the manifested love and mercy of God! My hubby’s genuinely compassionate response turned my sheepishness to relief. (Sidebar: Who needs Hallmark Channel fantasies with real life moments like that?! LOL).

After a few RFPs summoning the first garage door professional who could be on-site, the garage door was down about 4 hours later (with only a slight rift at the bottom, hopefully impenetrable by something), its replacement to be installed early next week.

The story could’ve turned out so differently. So I end this day on a note of sincere gratitude to my Creator and Protector (who saw fit to give me a godly husband to watch out for me – ‘cuz obviously I need oversight!), and a resolution to slow down even more. I invite you to take a moment to reflect on God’s mercy in your own life. You don’t even have to back into your own garage door to be reflective! 🙂

“19 Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall.
20 My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.
21 This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
22 It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
24 The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
25 The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
26 It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.”
(Lamentations 3:19-26)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

May I Have This Dance?

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choreography – the art of creating and arranging dances

Encyclopedia Britannica emphasizes that the word “choreography” derives from the Greek for “dance” and for “write.” (I love learning about word origins). In the 17th and 18th centuries, it did indeed mean the written record of dances. Neato-burrito! (I’m such a word nerd – ha!). Today, I saw another facet of my Creator: Choreographer of the Universe. I was awestruck.

I caught this unexpected glimpse of His glory as I read II Peter 3:9. I was studying “longsuffering” (not by personal choice…but because it’s an attribute of God AND a fruit of the Spirit – therefore, something that should be evident in my life! LOL) with the assistance of my favorite online lexicon (BLB). When I came to the part of the verse that says “…that all should come to repentance,” I delved into the meaning of “should come” – in Greek, it’s chōréō (G5562) which means “to leave space (which may be filled or occupied by another), to make room, give place, yield.”

I was instantly convicted. I’ve been trying to orchestrate a few situations (or maybe more than a few) in my own life. What wife, mother, daughter, friend, or employee hasn’t done this?! However, a sense of peace and calm came over me as I reflected that in ALL things, I must yield to God’s plan and leave space for HIS will. God is the Master Choreographer, and He knows where everything and everyone is placed on His grand stage. When I choose to dance with and for Him, I can trust and rely on His timing, design, and sequence (for both movement and stillness) to be divinely ordered. My steps won’t be awkward when I allow Him to take the lead. I must make room and leave space to receive from Him as I dance through life, instead of trying to fill in everything on my own and from my limited perspective. This was the realigning reminder I needed before drifting off to sleep with a smile on my face. I encourage you to accept the invitation to take His hand this week, allow Him to lead you, and enjoy the dance!

“Let them praise his name in the dance:
let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.”
(Psalm 149:3)

“The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.”
(II Peter 3:9)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Pull the Plug on Foolishness

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After transparent self-disclosure while teaching Teen Sunday School class last week, I knew by Monday what I had to do. And I was more than a bit irritated as I scrolled past the sports shows and sci-fi stuff to delete the mini-hoard of chick flicks (harmless, right?) I’d accumulated on the DVR since December…here’s the backstory…

I admit that I’m artistic and quirky, perhaps not in that order. I like documentaries, cooking shows, black and white movies, mysteries/suspense/conspiracy theories…and unbeknownst to me until the recent holidays, Christmas movies on Hallmark Channel. The ribbing from my family got so bad that my hubby would enter the room (where I’d hunkered down with popcorn and my comfy fuzzy socks) and smugly grin, “Hey – I know how this one’s gonna end! The dude’s gonna ride in on his white horse and save the day…” He would come in on the last 5 minutes of the movie and blow my warm happy feeling right outta the water (like sports doesn’t get repetitive – someone wins and someone loses every time, right?!).

I’m not a hopeless romantic, but “Cinderella” was my favorite Disney movie as a child (and still is). I say there’s nothing wrong with a formula movie or a predictable movie – I mean, it takes a certain degree of creativity to rework the same plot in 50 different ways and in 50 different movies (whether by changing the setting, the characters, or the theme); I think this nurtured the creative writer in me. I convinced myself that I was just enjoying a movie with a happy ending that seemed like good, clean entertainment. I looked past the lie of Santa Claus, multiple tree lightings on the town square with hot cocoa, countless mentions of luck/wishes juxtaposed with the lack of mentioning Jesus (though multiple holiday carols were sung – how can this be?) to remind myself the importance of witnessing Christ to others – and not just during the Christmas season. However, Christmas movies rolled into Winter movies, which rolled into Valentine’s Day movies. Why? Because this TV channel is an outgrowth of a greeting card company that capitalizes on getting money and marketshare by tugging at the heartstrings and manipulating emotions. And I thought I wanted to work for them after I got out of college…however, I digress.

As I set my DVR to record the movies that looked interesting to me (the ones about career, cooking, and mother/daughter relationships – and don’t forget WEDDINGS and princesses – rose to the top of my list), I was amassing a veritable library for which I couldn’t be the curator. I knew I didn’t have time to watch all of this content and take care of my responsibilities. Plus, they were centered around stuff that doesn’t even pertain to me (dating?! um, hello – I’ve been happily married for 17 years LOL…snowboarding – yeah right, I don’t even pretend to have a personal interest…yet, I watched that movie for 2 hours after my household went to sleep).

Strong conviction came as I talked to my middle-schooler about time-management during our morning commute…after I’d stayed up until 2:30am that morning to watch 4 hours of movies. I couldn’t find where I’d spent 4 hours communing with God or studying His Word over the past week. My actions needed to change to align with what I said were my beliefs (“I love You, Jesus”). So that brought me to this very moment when I knew the fantasy world, make-believe, play-play, pretending, princess fairy tales, and imagination had to come to a screeching halt in the intersection with real life. I briefly considered keeping 1 or 2 movies for a “rainy day,” but quickly dismissed that unviable non-option since I didn’t want to have the accursed thing in my camp. I have discarded anything that might prove to be a stumblingblock.

I must’ve deleted at least 15 movies (both in queue and set to record this weekend)…I stopped counting as I scrolled and clicked the remote. It felt like pulling the plug for the bathtub drain, but it didn’t really hurt. Some movies I’d recorded weren’t particularly worthy of watching – it was just comforting to know I’d have something to watch while the rest of my household was engrossed in sports – mind candy or mental fluff…a way to pass some idle time (like I have that laying around to spare! Something important was obviously going undone, getting neglected, or being postponed). In the midst of my resolute and determined progress, the DVR powered itself down and rebooted. Undaunted, I picked up where I’d left off and plowed ahead determinedly. The recording space available went from 9% to 18%.

Full disclosure: I’ve gotta admit, I was looking forward to watching “Cooking With Love.” And the sequel “All of My Heart: Inn Love” (not because the first one was so good – because it wasn’t stellar – but because I wanted to see what happened next with the characters). Were these movies my personal kryptonite like spy thrillers, solitaire, spy thrillers redux (that I blogged about 7 years ago), or Words With Friends (moment of silence…would someone in my house please play live Scrabble with Mommy so she doesn’t have to think about WWF???). I dunno – but they sure were a distraction from me obeying the Master with a clear heart and mind.

Why am I taking time to put all my stuff in plain sight for everyone to see? Because even if you happen not to be a closet Hallmark Channel junkie, there’s something that competes for your attention, devotion, affections, and investment of time and energy – and it draws you away from building relationship with your Creator. The question is: when are you gonna pull the plug on your foolishness? I just did – now it’s your turn.

“O God, thou knowest my foolishness; and my sins are not hid from thee.”
(Psalm 69:5)
“I hate vain thoughts: but thy law do I love.”
(Psalm 119:113)
“The heart of him that hath understanding seeketh knowledge: but the mouth of fools feedeth on foolishness.”
(Proverbs 15:14)
“Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.”
(Colossians 2:8)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart