love

Family: A Beautiful Cacophony

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This weekend, I was delighted to host my parents – along with my sister (whom I hadn’t seen in ages) – for a Sunday afternoon visit. While I didn’t have a clear meal plan, I had a hankering to serve brunch – I’m always game for French toast with powdered sugar (yum!), and I felt I owed my sister the real deal since I’d sent her a picture on her birthday of the breakfast I’d fixed in her honor across the miles…and taken it upon myself to eat it for her, too. Anticipating that I wanted everything finished in advance so I could spend quality time with my guests, I lovingly prepared the French toast together with 3 dozen zucchini mini-quiches with fresh basil from our garden on Saturday – because what’s more fun that cooking eggs in a muffin tin?! 

The funny thing was that my mom, on the other hand, prepared chicken fettuccini alfredo and brought Hawaiian bread (yum!) and various salad toppings to go with my other freshly-harvested garden goodies in the salad I made for folks who wanted dinner foods. My hubby blew it all outta the water when he finally fixed the 9-hour slow-cooker pot roast with potatoes that he’d been talking about all week. 

It was absolutely hilarious to see my mom, the consummate event planner and ultimate “hostess with the mostest,” as she set our “party table” with the blue plastic tablecloth that she somehow produced out of thin air, replete with sparkly curled banners of festiveness for a centerpiece, accompanied by her handy-dandy pink travelling placemats, convenient matching paper plates (and salad bowls, of course), red plastic cups, and a full place setting of clear plastic cutlery. Voilà! She is usually determined to make a major production out of the most informal gathering…so we humor her and watch her gesticulations with amusement.

Like our assorted table setting, there was absolutely no coherent theme to the menu, but we all sat down together to graze and munch contentedly, starting with my fruit tray of navel oranges and grapes and ending with the brownies Mama had individually bagged and tied with a cheery ribbon for each family member. Seeing my semi-vegetarian and formerly vegan sister succumb to the tender pot roast (placed atop her salad) was therapeutic. Everyone let their hair down and savored the comforts of family and home (not just a place, but a state of mind, in my personal opinion).

My ears relished the ebb and flow of concurrent conversations punctuated by raucous laughter of not-so-distant shared memories. My sister and I ended the evening by trying on clothes Mama had picked up from an estate sale and deciding who looked thinner in which outfit – that yielded a ton of cackles. I surveyed the scene with the ironic consciousness that my family puts the “fun” in dysfunctional, which is pretty much the only normal I’ve known. I’ve often wondered why God put people who just wanted to be hassle-free and to enjoy undisturbed solitude smack dab in the middle of a family. As I grow in age, wisdom, and grace, I’m just thankful that He did it for me – I think I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Family is the gift that keeps on giving, and I’m appreciative for the entire package. I hope you’ll take a moment to give thanks for your own family (in whatever shape, form, or quantity it may appear), and let them know how much you love, value, and treasure them. Today is the perfect day to reach out and (re)connect…

“God places the solitary in families and gives the desolate a home in which to dwell…”
(Psalm 68:6a)

© Copyright 2014 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Of Secrecy & Shame, Transparency & Truth

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We all know John 3:16 by heart, right?  But when I did a www.BibleGateway.com search for “truth and light,” John 3:21 popped up.  Then I chose to read the prior verse for proper context.  While reading a few more verses above that, something clicked:  When we walk in the light, we’re showing forth the love of God; conversely, when we walk in darkness, of course we realize that there’s no love in this.  I experienced a simple, yet significant, moment of awareness.

When we keep things to ourselves, attempting to hide our foibles and struggles, we’re not being honest with ourselves – or others.  What good is a pretty façade when the inside is crumbling?  Why act like you’ve got it all together when you’re really “tore up from the floor up?”

It takes courage to stand boldly in the truth…yep, the butt naked truth.  It can be intimidating at first, but it is indeed liberating and cathartic – as if a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.  Why?  Because you’re no longer trying to hold everything together with an amalgamation of scotch tape, paper clips, staples, and push pins.  Instead, you’re admitting, “This is a bit of a mess, and I need some help and support to get through it until things come together.”  And you know what?  After that, the help you need becomes available.  Transparency makes ya vulnerable (that’s the story of my life on this blog).  Downright exposed.  But it’s the only way to start a genuine healing process.  Bringing things into the light brings life.

So today, I typed up the progression of my blood pressure readings over the past few months to share with my doctor during tomorrow’s appointment.  I’m gonna do this while taking a deep breath (perhaps several!) – because I’ve been dodging her for a while.  However, since I want to be healthy from the inside out (and not just an outward show), this is my first step.  What’s yours?

“16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
20 For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.
21 But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.”
(John 3:16-21)

© Copyright 2012 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Real Love In Action IS Action

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I’m just sayin’…

Real love makes you pan fry fish on a weeknight at your spouse’s request.  Without grumbling.  Or rolling your eyes…at least not a lot.  After you’ve worked all day – and he has, too.  When you were excited that there was already a meal prepared during your massive amounts of weekend free time (NOT!) and waiting in the fridge.  So you were planning to kinda chill out after checking homework, facilitating bath time, reading bedtime stories, and tucking children in.  And you’re on Weight Watchers and you know that you don’t need to have fried food.  Even though you put some fish in the oven to bake it for yourself.  Because it’s healthier.  And you didn’t get to exercise today because you forgot about the lunch meeting with co-workers on your calendar during your workout time.  And you “treated” yourself to french fries then when you didn’t really need ‘em.

But you’re a southern chef (sort of) and naturally, you taste while you cook.  So at least you eat more baked fish than fried fish once it’s all cooked.  And you’re happy to serve your spouse with a smile. Because you’re grateful that God has blessed you with this particular spouse.  Even though it would’ve been a little (okay, maybe a lot) easier to make a healthier choice if your spouse had asked for baked fish.  But you love your spouse and you want them to have what they ask for.  With hot sauce, of course.  Did I mention that the baked fish was really good, but the fried fish was slammin’?

Real love in action.  Know what I’m sayin’?  Yeah, that also includes my workout tomorrow…

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

(I Corinthians 13:13, NIV) 

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Growth in the Blink of an Eye

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It seems like just yesterday we were watching the mama robin build her nest in a rafter on our front porch.  We marveled at the beautiful little blue eggs, being careful not to disturb “the babies.”  Then they hatched – featherless and funny-looking, big heads and beaks protruding from the nest, begging to be fed whatever their mama brought back for them.  Before I knew it, one was hopping on the walkway.  Though it couldn’t fly, it was out of the nest.  Amazing – it happened so quick!  We mused among ourselves whether it had fallen out or if the mama bird had pushed it out.  Whatever the case, that tiny nest was no place for that bird to make its permanent abode. 

Over the course of a few days or a couple of weeks, all of the birds were out of the nest, and we could see them testing out their wings and swooping through the yard, sometimes in a wobbly pattern.  But they were trying.  Why?  Because they were created to fly, not to sit in a nest they’d outgrown.  Sure, it’s safe and comfortable to stay in the place where you’re nurtured, fed on schedule, and taken care of from morning until night.  However, over time, you are required to take what you’ve learned and apply it.  That process, my friend, is called growth.  I recently had a real-life experience to underscore that lesson. 

When picking up my daughter from daycare one afternoon, I called myself leaving the car door open so she could get in on her own – imagine, a child of mine with an independent streak? Tee hee hee!  I tend to be a “helicopter parent” (hovering over my children – LOL!) and I’m trying to relinquish my tight hold on some of the more mundane tasks of the day.  Kudos, right?  Well, I turned to say something to the daycare provider, and in literally 2 seconds, I heard my daughter cry out in pain.  When I turned my head, she was lying in a fetal position near the rear tire on the driver’s side of the car.  To this day, I don’t know HOW that child fell; her shoes were tied, I don’t think her pants were too long, and I don’t think the earth’s gravitational pull shifted suddenly.  But whatever the reason, she fell and ended up with bloody boo-boos on her elbow and knee (through the clothing…did she lose her balance? I’m still puzzled).  They weren’t life-altering emergencies, but you don’t know how I wished I’d held her hand and walked her to the car, watching her like a hawk (like I usually do)!  Nonetheless, though I want to protect her 24/7, it’s ridiculous to think I can tote a 5 year-old from daycare door to car door every blessed day God gives.  At some point, she’s got to learn to walk on her own.  When she gets hurt, I’m there with the peroxide, antibiotic ointment, band-aids, hugs and kisses.  But to obsess about preventing every accident or growing pain isn’t realistic for me as a parent.  If I’ve taught her well, she’ll apply my lessons and flourish.

Isn’t that how God is with us?  He watches over us, fiercely protecting us from hurt, harm, and danger.  He gives us instructions on moving ahead, going beyond what we know and moving into areas where we have to exercise our faith in HIM knowing the outcome.  We don’t have to figure it out; He’s mapped out our course for us.  When we obey, we’re covered by Him.  What could be better?  We’re not on our own in this day-to-day walk.  When we trip and fall, He’s there to correct us and set us back on the right track.  Praise God!

“He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”

(Psalm 91:1-2)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Getting Dressed: God is at Work in Me

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An ornament adorns; it is something one puts on.  This morning, before I was anywhere close to getting dressed, God spoke.  And I listened.  What a blessing for me.  Thought I’d share with you before running off to work…be abundantly blessed.

Get back to the core of who I created you to be – and let nothing and no one but Me define who you are today. You are a work in progress, and I continue to mold, make, form, and shape you for My good pleasure.  Nothing can contain you because I am in you.  Abide in the True Vine (John 15:5) and be nourished and replenished. 

Even as you wonder whether I’d stopped calling you because it had been a while since you sat at my feet and soaked in my presence, amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday life, I say to you that My character of unconditional love won’t permit me to stop calling you, longing after you, desiring to spend quality time with you.  I hear your heart’s cry – even through the clutter of the carnal abyss – and still it beats strongly for Me.  And that delights Me.  It is a good heart condition to have. 

Go forth and greet the day I’ve created just for you – with you in mind as I touched each bird to sing, each ray of sunshine to beam down where you’d be.  You can’t control unconditional love – that’s why tears are leaking from your lids, My daughter.  Even when you feel most miserable and wretched, My love reaches out to you.  Now can you allow My love to do the same thing through you to others?  That is evidence of true growth.

No need to chase the things of this world.  Seek first My kingdom…and all these things will be added unto you (Matthew 6:33).  There is a tenderness inside you that not many know the depth of.  That’s why you try to cover up and protect yourself with humor or other “shells” – but there’s no need to put up a pseudo-tough exterior façade for Me; I know you – inside out, through and through.  And I love you still.

“Then I went down to the potter’s house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels.”

(Jeremiah 18:3)

 

“But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

(I Peter 3:4)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Are You Blessable?

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What a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend I enjoyed, surrounded by my munchkins and their daddy…and saturated, drenched, and overwhelmed with lots of love. 

My crew nearly had to alligator wrestle me into going out to breakfast on Saturday morning.  What can I say?  I’m genetically predisposed to think it’s much easier and less expensive for me to make pancakes at home than for us to sit in a restaurant that obviously doesn’t add “mama’s love” as an essential ingredient.  Though I was quite delighted and content with the colorful array of homemade cards and paper flowers that came home from school on Friday, I finally gave in and we headed to breakfast.  I knew they wanted to show their appreciation for me, but it was hard not to orchestrate all the details – since that’s what we moms do 24/7!  I ended up enjoying myself.

Saturday afternoon, the Women’s Fellowship at my church visited a local women’s shelter to make arts and crafts with the residents’ children so they could give their mothers a gift for the holiday.  I saw a range of expressions on the children’s faces, and I was even more grateful to have a home where I could raise and nurture my own children.  Outreach to others is key for balanced perspective maintenance.

On Sunday morning came the biggest surprise of all.  As my family walked into church, the men of the church (lined up like an Honor Guard) welcomed each woman with a single wrapped rose and directed her to a continental breakfast prepared in the Fellowship Hall – completely unexpected.  The brothers looked sharp!  I had no idea that the black suit, white shirt, and black tie look my hubby sported had been planned, let alone coordinated with the other men of the church for weeks…impressive.

After savoring a donut I didn’t need, I headed to the sanctuary to prepare for my role as choir director.  My pastor stopped me to say that we didn’t need to put on choir robes until after he made his opening announcement.  No prob – I adjusted my microphone to my 5’0” frame and handed the sound booth tech my CD for the sermonic solo, then headed to Sunday School.  An hour later, I was seated in the congregation, awaiting Pastor’s announcement before taking my place in the choir stand.  Wasn’t I surprised to see eight brothers – including my hubby – file up to the choir stand and begin the Praise & Worship service?  I thought, “Well, when they finish this song, I’ll get in place.”  But they just kept on singing (with my short microphone in front of a tall brother) – and they sounded good!  They’d been rehearsing for weeks…unbeknownst to me!  What a splendid gift to be able to bask in God’s presence and enjoy intimate worship during a break from serving.  I’m glad a box of tissues was nearby; tears flowed freely down my cheeks until the sermon began.  I was truly touched, and I experienced the love of God poured out through the actions of His people – His men.

That morning, I had planned to perform my regular routine, but God had fantastic surprises in store for me.  Are you able to receive the blessings He’s ready to bestow upon you?  Allow His pure love to soften your heart so you don’t miss one goodie!

“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

(I Corinthians 2:9)

 “Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”

(Psalm 37:4)

 “…he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”

(Hebrews 11:6b)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Mothering is an Action Word

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Guess what?  The baby robins have hatched!  After getting over last week’s trauma of seeing one bright blue egg that fatefully tumbled out of the nest and shattered on my front porch (c’est la vie, I suppose), I’ve gotta say that it was pretty neat to see tiny yellow beaks poking out from the top of the nest this morning.  Soon, we’ll have more chirping melodic strains filling the air than we know what to do with.  Until then, these little creatures appreciate their mother’s presence and welcome the sustenance, protection, and nurturing she provides.  This will be interesting to observe in the coming days.

Mothering (which I use as a verb) is an action word – just like love requires, is accompanied by, and is manifested through action.  The skills, traits, and abilities that make one a good mother may not be inherent or innate, but we learn what to do over time, with patience, and through the process of trial-and-error.  We blend influences from our own backgrounds and personal experiences – along with input from various “mommy mentors,” as I like to call them – to create our personal brand of mothering. 

From the woman who can’t recall the last time she pampered herself – to the woman who makes “me time” a priority so she can give her best to her family – to the woman who multitasks until she can’t remember what she was supposed to be doing in the first place…I admire you all, and can relate to many of your experiences!  Each mother is unique, and each child is unique; hence, each mother-child relationship is unique.  I believe God grants us favor while we make necessary sacrifices and commit to building healthy relationships with our children during every stage in their lives as their needs change.

My daughter ministered in dance for the first time last Sunday with several other young girls – it was an absolutely beautiful sight to behold.  I found myself blinking back tears (of joy, of being overwhelmed, of seeing a miniature version of myself doing what I was once flexible enough to do) as I watched my own “little robin” finally outside of her nest and branching out beyond my incubating feathers.  Just days away from her 5th birthday, I saw her whole life – from birth to that very moment in time where she danced like an angel – flash before my eyes.  She is growing up – and where did the time go?!  Yes, I got emotional for a minute there, but I had to “keep it together” long enough to sing a solo right after they danced…what a tough act to follow! 🙂  Nevertheless, that is why we raise our children – so they can grow, develop, mature, and become equipped to face life confidently with the lessons we’ve instilled in them.  

So to those of you who are mothers, I salute you – not only on Mother’s Day, but every day.  Because truly, every day is Mother’s Day!  May we answer God’s call to minister to His children with love, grace, and joy.  Indeed, it is an honorable and noble calling…

“For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth.

 By thee have I been holden up from the womb: thou art he that took me out of my mother’s bowels: my praise shall be continually of thee.

 I am as a wonder unto many; but thou art my strong refuge.”

(Psalm 71:5-7)

 “For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.

 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

(Psalm 139:13-14)

 © Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Life’s Little Joys

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My place as Kayren Cathcart, MD (Mommy Doctor) has been forever inscribed and securely etched in the annals of history.  It’s all part of the job description (wait a minute – what job description?!).  After my children spent their week of Spring Break with my mother (enjoying all the delights that accompany being spoiled by grandma), what was the first thing my son showed me?  Yep – you guessed it – his loose tooth – top front left. I didn’t even know it was loose when I dropped him off at grandma’s!

For some reason, he got a little jittery when I said, “Let’s get the cotton and pull it now before we get back on the road.”  But since he’d brought it to my attention, I was compelled to act.  Plus, it looked like it was hanging on by a single sinew.  I had to use a different angle from the one I’d used for the “easy” bottom teeth, but I finally gripped it with the cotton and there was minimal blood, though maximum tears.  Perhaps this is just preparing me for my daughter to start losing her teeth.  Oh great – I guess we’ll see in about another year…or less.  Children do grow so quickly! 

Both children came home with scraped knees after their visit to grandma’s (with no “helicopter mother” hovering to thwart impending danger), but my hubby and I were quite well-rested after our “child-free” vacation week – and I think that the children had a blast, too.  As much as my mom keeps alluding to how their visit must’ve been a “fountain of youth,” I think she may have been happiest of all.  The love of family is a priceless gift.

“Thou hast clothed me with skin and flesh, and hast fenced me with bones and sinews.

Thou hast granted me life and favour, and thy visitation hath preserved my spirit.”

(Job 10:11-12)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Humbly Clothed in Strength and Honor

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In spite of all my incessant ranting, raving, cajoling, and coaxing, “Take your baths…put your laundry in the hamper…brush your teeth…put Vaseline on your lips…turn the light out!” my children opened their precious hearts to unexpectedly bless me this evening.

As my daughter oohed and aahed over the results of yesterday’s $15 mani/pedi from the local beauty school, she summoned her brother to look at the fancy little design adorning my usually plain nails.  He liked them, too.  I felt special to be the center of their attention at the same time!  Then I glanced down at my legs and realized how ashy they were.  Like a broken record, I’m always reminding the children to put lotion on their legs and arms, and here I was able to scratch my name into my skin with a fingernail.  I sheepishly acknowledged that Mommy needed some lotion.

My son chirped, “I’ll put some on you, Mommy!”  Not to be outdone, my daughter ran to get the lotion bottle first and she started working on one leg.  I melted, reminiscing on the times I’d put lotion on their legs, too numerous to count.  My son went to get another bottle of lotion and started applying it to my feet.  If that wasn’t a modern day foot-washing or Alabaster Box moment, I don’t know what is!  It made the energy and effort put into serving God’s smallest people all the more worth it.  They beamed as they saw the smile spread across my face while they served with gladness.  Overwhelmed, I could see that they were following my example.  And their little warm hands were every bit as nice as the nail tech’s – with an extra dollop of love and a splash of affection added.  🙂

Even in light of my “fancy nails,” (which I’m enjoying as a fabulous departure from the ordinary), I believe that strength and honor are the most important things I can wear in the presence of my children.  By their actions, they rose up and called me blessed.  This moment combined with the faint trace of a rainbow I glimpsed this afternoon to create the closing of an utterly beautiful day.  I received it as a miracle.

“Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.  She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.  She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.  Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”

(Proverbs 31:25-28)

© Copyright 2010 by Kayren J. Cathcart