Truth in the Inward Parts

I thought these flowers were beautiful – like truth!

I was riding in the car this evening and my wonderful hubby was talking to me. When I thought he was finished, I interjected something. He said, “You just corrected me and shot down my sweet words!” That really wasn’t my intention, so I quickly responded, “Oh, I’m sorry that I cut you off, sweetie.” But at that moment, I wasn’t sorry, and I wasn’t thinking he was a sweetie. I felt misunderstood, and I had to actively CHOOSE not to let something so minor turn into a full-blown offense. But I still got indignant and clammed up.

At that moment, the scripture about God “desiring truth in the inward parts” (Psalm 51:6) bubbled up and I heard a still, small voice saying, “You’re not being honest.” The Lord convicted me on-the-spot, right there in the car where I had nowhere to escape for the remainder of the ride. It stung!

So then I got indignant with God. Yeah – that was a pretty saucy (and utterly foolish) move since I’m pretty sure I saw some lightning accompany the raindrops falling on the windshield. I had to admit that He had found me and hit the bullseye right on the mark. I knew better as a mature Christian. I had to humble myself and repent – immediately.

Initially, I felt JUSTIFIED ‘cuz at least I was polite and respectful, right? WRONG – my feigned apology was not coming from a pure heart or a place of truth, so it was just empty words. And was that the stench of PRIDE I was trying to cover up with the sweet perfume of good manners and civility? The reflection in the Holy Ghost mirror was ghastly and anything but holy. Egads – woe is me, what a wretch undone am I! The hidden recesses of my innermost thoughts were severely contaminated with self-righteous indignation.

Lord, I pray that You continue to help me to walk in YOUR truth…because “my truth” (the popular catchphrase) is mired in self-deception. Help me to not lean to my own tainted and limited understanding, but to acknowledge You in ALL of my ways so YOU can direct my paths. Thank You for loving me enough to peel back the layers of the façade I’ve tried for so long to project – all so You can expose the toxic things that need to be removed from my life because they don’t please You or bring You glory. May I, in turn, extend lavish grace to others – as you have showered me with Your lovingkindness and tender mercies. Amen.

“Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts:
and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.”
(Psalm 51:6)

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest,
whatsoever things are just,
whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely,
whatsoever things are of good report;
if there be any virtue,
and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
(Philippians 4:8)

“I have no greater joy
than to hear that my children walk in truth.”
(III John 1:4)

Functioning, but Dysfunctional

Posted by kayrencathcart

dysfunctional – not operating normally or properly

A recent bout with black shower mold has become quite the personal vexation…but to the point that I’d finally do something about it? I cleaned it out the last 2 times – and here we are again, in the same grout lines, similar creeping (& creepy) pattern. Ironic that I’ve been cleansing myself in a less-than-ideally-clean setting…however, I digress. I reasoned that if the shower head hadn’t started leaking (last year), or if the leaky shower head had been replaced (which it was this week…and it still leaks), then the mold wouldn’t have a warm, moist environment in which to multiply its inherent ugliness.

Yet, it is futile to consider prevention at the point when remediation is required. So I have a decision to make: continue to angst over the slimy ickiness I’m semi-avoiding with shower shoes (for longer than I care to admit tolerating with utter disdain), or bust out the rubber gloves and cleanser (once more) and address the root cause that has become the bane of my daily hygiene routine.

Isn’t that how God addresses our sin when we’re functioning, but dysfunctional? He sees that repetitious things pop up in our lives once again, and still lovingly washes away the offenses with His efficacious Blood (that we can’t seem to get rid of on our own) until we are white as snow. I guess it’s time for me to bust some serious suds in that shower stall…once again.

Update: Fed up with the foolishness, I finally did clean it a week after severe aggravation became unbearable. While I breathed a sigh of relief for the upgrade, it looks like it still needs another round of scouring. It just goes to show that cleansing (both in the natural and in the spirit) is an ongoing process.

“16 Wash you, make you clean;
put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes;
cease to do evil;

18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD:
though your sins be as scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
(Isaiah 1:16, 18)

Can These Bones Yet Live Again?

Posted by kayrencathcart

When I saw the dry and shriveled-up rose earlier this month, I was saddened – it had been so beautiful as it bloomed, and I enjoyed seeing it from my window or when I drove past. However, my sadness didn’t last very long…I discovered new blooms in that same moment just by adjusting my perspective. When I shifted my glance from that which appeared to be dead, I saw that there was still vibrant life thriving not far away. My heart rejoiced while beholding the beauty!

May we receive our Heavenly Father’s gentle and poignant reminder that some things that appear to be dead are only dormant…and dormancy lasts for only a season before life re-emerges. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Let us rest in Him as we trust His process…cycles come AND go…and go AND come…

“Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him…”
(Psalm 37:7a)

“3 And he said unto me, Son of man, can these bones live?
And I answered, O Lord God, thou knowest.
4 Again he said unto me,
Prophesy upon these bones, and say unto them,
O ye dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.
5 Thus saith the Lord God unto these bones;
Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live:
6 And I will lay sinews upon you, and will bring up flesh upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you,
and ye shall live; and ye shall know that I am the Lord.”
(Ezekiel 37:3-6)

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

Posted by kayrencathcart

Trust me – this IS progress; the drawer WAS fully stuffed yesterday…

So a co-worker called me the offensive “h-word” today…no, not heifer…hoarder. I smarted as if I’d been stung by a bee, wondering where that zinger came from. I thought I had made progress. And I had, until it became incumbent upon me to prepare for the inevitable office move of less than 50 feet to the other side of the SAME floor (side glance – now what executive thought this was an efficiency-saver?! Riiight…). With 2 days to go, I was definitely under pressure and behind the power curve.

Honestly, I can understand my co-worker’s point (I know she meant no harm, and it really was ridiculous the amount of stuff I’d collected while sitting there since 2014 – and of course I brought a few things from previous roles, too. Or maybe more than a few, it seems…). I also understood the moving coordinators who stopped by ever-so-often to gently inquire if I was gonna make the “be off the floor ‘cuz the movers are here” Friday at 2pm deadline. As the pressure mounted, I felt myself getting more overwhelmed. (I’d already had a mini-meltdown when stripping the cube walls earlier in the week – everything looked so stark, empty, and blank. Then I saw my children’s baby pictures and reflected on my youngest now heading to high school and the tears started leaking out of my eyelids. It wasn’t a pretty moment. Thankfully, it passed quickly).

As I toted papers to the shred bin, another co-worker peeked her head out from behind her computer monitor – a new employee who I noticed like to write, just like me. However, I discovered her hidden superpower today: organizing. She watched me swoosh past her desk several times frantically ferrying the many small to mid-sized boxes I’d accumulated over years of administrative support “just in case someone needs ‘em, I’ve got ‘em!” Finally she asked me, “Are you OK?” And I sheepishly whispered that I’d just been called a hoarder and I needed to speed up my purging if I was gonna make the packing deadline without the movers tossing any remaining unpacked items – of which I had many lingering.

With a single sentence, she tossed me a lifesaver of hope, “When you get to your new cube, we’re going to get you off to a fresh, new, organized workspace.” Wow – someone who barely knew me was offering to help me (because it was obvious that I desperately needed assistance since my plan to keep accumulating and stuffing had finally reached the breaking point – no pun intended…I think my file drawers were at capacity).

So today’s lesson is this: At some point, you’ve gotta take some stuff out to maintain a healthy balance; you can’t keep shovin’ stuff in. This goes for emotions, relationships, food, whatever…

Let the cleansing continue.

My desk & shelves haven’t been this empty since I moved into this cube in 2014…I’m learning to travel lighter – that’s for sure!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”
(Psalm 51:10)

Moving Tales: Preparing to Sojourn

Posted by kayrencathcart

20190612_141113

To you, it may appear to be a messy gaggle of office products, but to me, the beautifully arrayed colors of these lovely items spell office product BLISS. Who knew that many binder clips lay nestled in my files, multiplying and plotting their takeover? (given the right moment and opportunity, it could happen…)

I was too embarrassed to even snap a pic of the “just in case” pineapple chunks that I’d obviously had so long that the can had popped, the product had disintegrated, crusted over, and evaporated to half its former juicy volume, and there was brown rust everywhere in that bag. Out of an abundance of caution, I tossed the can of lentil soup labeled “best before 2013.” Volunteering at Second Harvest Food Bank should’ve reminded me that there really is such a thing as shelf life. How is it that I hadn’t gone in that file drawer for so long that I was unaware of the biological hazard lurking behind me every day?! Geesh!

Is there never a time when I’m not in transition? Maybe God plans it that way so we constantly have to depend on HIM for strength, guidance, direction, instruction, correction – and to be sustained. Because growth doesn’t occur naturally when we stay in the same position too long. We’re built to grow and develop. It would look crazy for an almost-adult 12th Grader to sit in a kindergarten-sized chair every day. I know this, yet I balk when it comes time to change and get uncomfortable with something else unfamiliar. And since I’m not all-knowing (while God IS all-knowing), I should just embrace this as the way things are – by His divine design.

“8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
(Isaiah 55:8-9)

Purging My Burgeoning Past: Approaching the End of an Epoch

Posted by kayrencathcart

Old files that I decided to ROLL to the shred bin for the sake of time…and that was just the second load of the second day!

It’s an office move…these things happen every day, all around the world – why is this one impacting me so significantly? Why does it feel like a major theatrical production from my perspective? I mean, how sentimental is it to clean out old meeting agendas and filed, approved, and paid expense reports for a manager I don’t even support any more…and haven’t for over 3 years? She has moved on…why haven’t I? It may have something to do with my college friends recently revealing they nicknamed me MacGyver because I was always prepared. I laughed out loud…I guess I’ve always been the caring nurturer who tried to care for everyone and take care of everything. Until the accumulation became to great to bear – I ran out of emotional capital. So I find myself in more introspection and reflection.

Why the emotional attachment to stuff I haven’t touched in months…or years? I dare admit to myself that it a grasp for security of the familiar. Not that the familiar is even comfortable, but I kinda know what to expect. I know where to look if I need it, and that brings me some tinge of security…but is it a false peace? Is it misplaced trust? Well of COURSE it is, silly rabbit!

If I’m honest with myself, I think it’s because just about every area of my life is going through transition at the same time…and it’s absolutely uncomfortable and terrifying. Yet at the same time, maybe I have a bit of hopeful expectation of something different, better, fresh, not yet experienced. It has the potential to be exhilarating and scary – but yielding great new growth…like in a forest after a brush fire kinda way. New day, new beginnings.

I’ll be sitting in a different seat, in a different position, with a different vantage point. So looking at the same familiar things will appear different. And maybe that’s what God has wanted for me all along…yield, surrender, give in…again…for the first time…another adventuresome journey awaits. Am I ready? It doesn’t matter as long as His presence goes with me, proceeds me, and covers me. And He can do all 3 things at the same time, so I guess all this fretting has been an exercise in corporate futility…kinda like moving 50 feet to say “look what we did!” I reiterate: activity does NOT always equal productivity…but that’s just my 2 cents’ worth.

“6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.”
(Psalm 51:6-8)

Applying Emotional Baggage Depilatory

Posted by kayrencathcart

depilatory – a cream or lotion for removing unwanted hair

Removing excess emotional baggage can be cumbersome.
However, the process can be abbreviated with some well-applied wisdom…kinda like hair removal.
Sorta. Like if you squint one eye and look real hard…

This week, I made significant personal process in purging out some old mindsets, thought patterns, and behaviors. This advancement was accompanied by intentionally doing some new and unfamiliar activities. For instance, take my experience today of using a cream hair removal product for the first time in my life. A friend told me she recently used some on her elementary school-aged daughter’s underarms. I’d shaved my underarms since high school (thanks, show choir costumes), but I stopped a few years ago because of discomfort from bumps due to ingrown hairs (no doubt, my cheap, dull razors contributed to this quandary). Since I was recently blessed with some new sleeveless dresses by friends cleaning out their closets, I figured I’d test out the product, and picked up a bottle for less than $5 this afternoon.

I carefully read the directions before showering: Apply a thick layer of cream for 3 minutes. Do not leave on for longer than 10 minutes. Not for use on face. Wipe off gently with a rag and rinse. Do not rub. Got it.

While waiting for the product to work, I planned to roll my hair. But first, I washed my face, and then I determined to make sure to wash my hands thoroughly after applying the product to my underarms. I got downright tickled thinking, “Hmmm, if there’s product residue on my hands, I certainly don’t want to see a patch of hair on my head sliding off before Sunday Service!” So I washed my hands a second time just to be on the safe side (and avoid a replay of the Hot Pepper Hands incident). An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

I proceeded to roll my hair without incident. Once I got into the shower, I followed the gentle wiping directions, and voilà, off slid my underarm hair! My underarms looked good upon closer inspection with my magnifying mirror. Only after the process did I learn of what creates the hair removal miracle: a strong and alkaline-based product is placed on the unwanted hair, and it processes hair into a jelly-like substance. I didn’t expect to have a science experiment in my shower, but I’m glad it was uneventful.

After a few online searches, I learned that epilation removes the entire hair at the follicle level (from the root), while hair is removed only to the surface with depilation, Which means, I’m gonna have to revisit any hair that grows back – or emotional baggage that lingers. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. For the time being, I’m enjoying being a few clumps of hair lighter as I lay out my sleeveless dress for tomorrow – I can raise my arms without a second thought…no small forests here; the underbrush has been removed! Ironic that God had me try this new hair removal product as I was clearing out my emotional cache? No way! He is most strategic and intentional…by design. He knew this was gonna happen wayyyyy before I did (the hair removal AND the emotional baggage clean-up). #Grateful

“18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.”
(Matthew 7:18-19)

Cocoon, Casket, or Crypt?

Posted by kayrencathcart

Sometimes the familiar can be a comfortable fit, but are we mature enough to see when it’s stunting our growth – or worse yet, contributing to our demise because we’ve held onto it for too long?

A cocoon is a safe place of development. However, it is not intended to be a permanent dwelling place. At some point, we must be willing to leave that which has nurtured and protected us and launch out into the deep, trusting the providence of God to provide for us when our feet can’t touch the bottom of the pool – or when He challenges us to move beyond the pool and out to the ocean. Often scary – yet necessary.

A casket is a holding place for those things which indeed once were, but now have become past tense. Sometimes we try to hold onto them, only to experience their decay and disintegration right in the palms of our hands. Because they weren’t meant to last forever – they were only temporal.

A crypt is defined as “an underground room or vault beneath a church, used as a chapel or burial place.” Might there be some things we’re trying to hold onto that need to be buried and put behind us, that we return to them no more?

We each have people, places, and things that fit in all three of these categories – whether we want to admit it or not. May we yield to the wise and timely leading of the Holy Spirit to recognize the shift in season and transition into a new dispensation – and respond accordingly.

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”
(Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Rest for The Weary: Stop Living on Overdrawn Credit

Posted by kayrencathcart

When do you finally realize you’ve been living beyond your means? When you’ve expended more emotional capital then you’ve amassed? When you’ve “tapped out” and have very little, if anything left to give if you don’t replenish your own storehouse?

Come to the wells of salvation and drink deeply…be saved from yourself – your own devices, plans, plots, desires, entrapments, entanglements…find rest for your soul in the Master’s presence.

You remember that place of refreshing – it’s still there. Waiting for your return – as a permanent resident in the presence of the Lord instead of intermittent visitor.

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life:
in thy presence is fulness of joy;
at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”
(Psalm 16:11, KJV)

“28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation].
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.”
(Matthew 11:28-30, AMP)

Living Beneath Your Privilege?

Posted by kayrencathcart

princess-crown-vector-587966

It’s no fairy tale that we must build our spiritual muscles by trusting the Lord daily…

Once upon a (recent) time, there was a princess who had an S5 cell phone she’d kept for way too long. Her husband, the prince (who had upgraded to his S8 in a reasonable time frame of the warranty), had been telling her for over a year that she needed to get a new phone. But the princess (being the Most Frugal in all the kingdom), humbly decried his insistence as she was content with her old phone that was functioning quite well without the unnecessary bells and whistles, thank you very much, sir! Well, the day came (yesterday) when the princess could no longer plug the phone into its charger – the phone was warped beyond repair and the swollen battery (whoever heard of such?!) wouldn’t hold a charge (among other issues). In less time than it took to drive from work to the cell phone store, she became a textless princess…so sad…

Being the forward-thinking and savvy modern-day princess you’d expect, she came up with some potential alternatives to her quandary. Maybe she could pull out her old iPhone 4, recharge it (because of course the old charger was in her top drawer with all the other old stuff she just hadn’t let go of yet), and switch her current phone number back to that monstrosity of a contraption. The princess laughed out loud that it looked like a clunky crayon box (underneath its torn, outdated case that was barely holding on by a shred of rubber), but not being prideful, she recharged it, miraculously remembered the access code, and saw her last e-mails pop up…from 2014. That was not going to be a viable solution. Perhaps she could get one of those wireless charging pads…alas, a quick Google search confirmed that the old S5 phones were not compatible with that newfangled wireless charging technology. It looked like the princess would be forever relegated to communicating via tin cans and string…when all of a sudden…

The decisive, ever-ready, problem-solving prince drove his white horse to the cell phone store to save the day by doing recon for the erstwhile technology-deficient princess. At the prince’s instruction, the princess filed an insurance claim and was set to get a replacement phone shipped directly to her castle overnight…the same old S5 model. She was fine with that since she didn’t really want to change phones anyway, let alone pay to upgrade. However, since the phone was dead with no hope of resurrection, all the data she was trying to hold onto became eternally inaccessible in the blink of a battery-drained eye, and the princess had to be at peace with that – quickly. She wouldn’t get to transfer her contacts, photos, apps, or other precious information she held dear – they were all lost in the abysmal Moat of the Great Beyond.

When she got to her home computer (since she couldn’t read her e-mails from the hopelessly dead S5 phone), the princess saw the insurance claim was approved upon payment of her deductible AND she would receive an S7 phone (2 generations higher than the depreciating piece of junk she’d been pseudo-treasuring). How foolish she felt to have waited so long to receive, appreciate, embrace, and enjoy the gift her loving (and handsome!) prince had been trying to share with her all along! The princess had been living beneath her royal privilege, holding onto a counterfeit when the real thing was well within her reach; yea, it was her rightful inheritance.

At the time of this writing, the princess anticipates many moments of wonder and awe as she explores her new phone’s advanced technology and its expanded capacities beyond her wildest dreams. She looks forward to living happily ever after with the “right once again” prince after she purchases a new protective case to fit the blessing of the new cell phone she’d nearly missed out on.

Sound like anyone you know? Don’t pass up receiving the good things God has in store for you by leaning to your own understanding…I’d call to tell you about my personal testimony in that area, but I’m waiting for a phone delivery any moment now… 🙂

“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.”
(Psalm 34:8 KJV)

“8 O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good;
How blessed [fortunate, prosperous, and favored by God] is the man who takes refuge in Him.
9 O [reverently] fear the Lord, you His saints (believers, holy ones);
For to those who fear Him there is no want.
10 The young lions lack [food] and grow hungry,
But they who seek the Lord will not lack any good thing.”
(Psalm 34:8-10 AMP)

“5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

Kayren Cathcart's Blog

Observations on daily life and inspiration for spiritual growth…

obedience

Truth in the Inward Parts

Functioning, but Dysfunctional

Can These Bones Yet Live Again?

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

Moving Tales: Preparing to Sojourn

Purging My Burgeoning Past: Approaching the End of an Epoch

Applying Emotional Baggage Depilatory

Cocoon, Casket, or Crypt?

Rest for The Weary: Stop Living on Overdrawn Credit

Living Beneath Your Privilege?