peace

Sterile/Sterilized Relationships

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Tough to admit to myself – let alone to others, but I realize after reading Matthew 18:15 that I’ve pretty much had an emotional condom at the ready in most of my friendships – just in case things got heated! Not wanting to be fully transparent and unable to yield to complete intimacy for fear of being unliked, unaccepted, misunderstood, or just downright rejected. Trying to protect myself from as-yet-unhappened hurts (but bracing for their potential occurrence). That’s why I wore a mask and tried to only show the “good parts” of me. But that’s unreal. Not human. Did that make me an alien? LOL. No, but it did contribute to the existence of a very tormented, agonizing human.

Trying to broker all these moving pieces in multiple dynamic relationships was like spinning a bunch of plates. And when the exhaustion of trying to manage the not-meant-to-be-managed process caused me to fray, I went kaput and the gears stopped turning and the wheels ground to a screeching halt. The plates began to crash as I no longer had the energy to meticulously attend to each one wobbling out of control – just beyond my grasp and inability to “fix it.”  And I was left to examine myself, and the trail of fragmented relationships strewn on the path behind me.

Then a funny thing happened: God caused me to start revisiting those relationships. Not to reopen old wounds, but for the purpose of closure. So I could see that – even in the midst of my own imperfections, shortcomings, and mistakes (of which there are many) – He was able to bring healing to my broken places if I would but allow Him access. Vulnerable place? You betcha. But it’s where I find myself. And when you come to understand that being on the Potter’s wheel is exactly where He wants you so He can fashion an even more exquisite vessel out of the disparate pieces of your life, a certain level of peace comes. I remain in progress and in process…

“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”
(Matthew 18:15)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Offline for System Maintenance

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marred – spoiled, corrupted, ruined, injured, rotted

Preventive maintenance is better than a partial – or total – system failure (and subsequent shutdown)…mayday, mayday! Alert! Caution! Pay attention!

Though both scenarios involve not being able to access the system, when unavailability is planned, you can better prepare and respond. Making advanced arrangements and calculated adjustments can be smoother than in-the-moment, real-time reactions.

The off duty bus displays an “Out of Service” sign. Bathrooms do, too. “Closed for repairs.” “Pardon our progress.” So can a person hang an “Under Construction” sign around their neck? I’m just sayin’…it behooves us to be mindful of where people are in their process of being formed – or reformed – for the Master’s use and good pleasure.

“And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.”
(Jeremiah 18:4)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Applying Emotional Baggage Depilatory

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depilatory – a cream or lotion for removing unwanted hair

Removing excess emotional baggage can be cumbersome.
However, the process can be abbreviated with some well-applied wisdom…kinda like hair removal.
Sorta. Like if you squint one eye and look real hard…

This week, I made significant personal process in purging out some old mindsets, thought patterns, and behaviors. This advancement was accompanied by intentionally doing some new and unfamiliar activities. For instance, take my experience today of using a cream hair removal product for the first time in my life. A friend told me she recently used some on her elementary school-aged daughter’s underarms. I’d shaved my underarms since high school (thanks, show choir costumes), but I stopped a few years ago because of discomfort from bumps due to ingrown hairs (no doubt, my cheap, dull razors contributed to this quandary). Since I was recently blessed with some new sleeveless dresses by friends cleaning out their closets, I figured I’d test out the product, and picked up a bottle for less than $5 this afternoon.

I carefully read the directions before showering: Apply a thick layer of cream for 3 minutes. Do not leave on for longer than 10 minutes. Not for use on face. Wipe off gently with a rag and rinse. Do not rub. Got it.

While waiting for the product to work, I planned to roll my hair. But first, I washed my face, and then I determined to make sure to wash my hands thoroughly after applying the product to my underarms. I got downright tickled thinking, “Hmmm, if there’s product residue on my hands, I certainly don’t want to see a patch of hair on my head sliding off before Sunday Service!” So I washed my hands a second time just to be on the safe side (and avoid a replay of the Hot Pepper Hands incident). An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

I proceeded to roll my hair without incident. Once I got into the shower, I followed the gentle wiping directions, and voilà, off slid my underarm hair! My underarms looked good upon closer inspection with my magnifying mirror. Only after the process did I learn of what creates the hair removal miracle: a strong and alkaline-based product is placed on the unwanted hair, and it processes hair into a jelly-like substance. I didn’t expect to have a science experiment in my shower, but I’m glad it was uneventful.

After a few online searches, I learned that epilation removes the entire hair at the follicle level (from the root), while hair is removed only to the surface with depilation, Which means, I’m gonna have to revisit any hair that grows back – or emotional baggage that lingers. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. For the time being, I’m enjoying being a few clumps of hair lighter as I lay out my sleeveless dress for tomorrow – I can raise my arms without a second thought…no small forests here; the underbrush has been removed! Ironic that God had me try this new hair removal product as I was clearing out my emotional cache? No way! He is most strategic and intentional…by design. He knew this was gonna happen wayyyyy before I did (the hair removal AND the emotional baggage clean-up). #Grateful

“18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.”
(Matthew 7:18-19)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Revisiting Composite

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I glanced back at my photo of the early spring tulips. When I was breathless and (nearly) speechless because of their beauty over a month ago, I wasn’t focusing of how many white flowers, purple flowers, or pink flowers were in the photo when I originally posted it. I looked at each part as a valued segment that contributed to creating a beautiful whole.

Fast-forward to today – why am I trying so intensely to dissect innumerable individual items from my personal history in an attempt to “get it all together?” Perhaps I imagine there’s a way for me to figure out how everything can be tied up neatly in a package with a pretty bow – but this is real life (comprised of family, friends, and strangers – and encompassing multifaceted people with a multiplicity of issues – so that’s probably an unreasonable, if not downright ludicrous, expectation). In essence, isn’t that the same as picking out and enumerating the number of white vs. purple vs. pink flowers – instead of just appreciating how the conglomeration comes together as a thing of aesthetic beauty?

A caring friend told me today to “work on being at peace.” At first, the OCD in me laughed as I mused, “Yep, WORK; something else to put on my To Do list, and when I accomplish it, I can check it off – whoo hoo!” But I get it. I need to be very diligent about pursuing peace (from the Prince of Peace, the only lasting Source) and allowing it to settle in my life. She also gently reminded me that “healing comes when you are just yourself” – and not trying to be a perfect version of who you think you should be. So that’s what I’m working on in this season amidst many distractions (but I guess if I already had peace, I wouldn’t have to pursue it…or maybe we have to be diligent to maintain it once it is obtained). How about you?

“10 For he who would love life and see good days,
Let him refrain his tongue from evil,
And his lips from speaking deceit.
11 Let him turn away from evil and do good;
Let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their prayers;
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
(I Peter 3:10-12, NKJV)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: Home – Returning to Center

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Well, today I return home to husband and children. It’s been an eye-opening and interesting visit with my parents; timely and necessary. Grateful to know that I don’t have to pick back up the burdens I laid down this week – wonderings about the past, present, and future. Rest and peace. My husband reports that the children have been doing exactly what I prepared them to do – without me hovering, so I will try to approach my interactions with them from a new perspective when I return.

I’ve always defined home as “where you find yourself; a mindset.” So if I’m leaving home to go home…what now? Home is in the heart. My journey continues.

“17 And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever.
18 And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation,
and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places;”
(Isaiah 32:17-18)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

The Visit: Finding Me – In the Midst of Family Foibles

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foibles – a minor weakness or eccentricity in someone’s character

So what family doesn’t have characters with a minor (or major) weakness or eccentricity? Exactly. Family can put the “fun” in dysfunctional. Not sure what I’d planned to find (or not find) out about myself during the introspection of this trip, but I’ve seen, realized, and learned a lot. Like the fact that I like to end up with precisely equal portions of everything on my plate (down to the last proportionate bite) came from the way my dad ate – in a circle from the outside in because he had a plate with a warmer under it when he was young. Or acknowledging that my love of reusing practical and beautiful things played out the same in my home as in the corner where my mom had displayed several pretty gift bags filled with fluffy, sparkly tissue paper in a windowsill. Hoarding? Likely. Justified? Absolutely. Reusable and regiftable? Indubitably.

As much as we like to believe we’re the unique originators, there’s always an origin beyond ourselves. Behaviors, habits, traits, and personality quirks can run in families – and as much as we may try to deny it, we bring much of the baggage along with us on life’s journey. What to do in order to lighten our load? I guess acknowledging is the first step.

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:”
(Proverbs 1:8)

“My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:”
(Proverbs 6:20)

“Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.”
(Proverbs 23:22)

© Copyright 2019 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Planning Gone Mad: The Vacation That Wasn’t

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Every parent has experienced that fleeting moment of fantasizing about what they’ll do when everyone else in their household is occupied and they get to hold in their hands the elusive concept of “free time.” I had scheduled the entire week after Thanksgiving for vacation away from work – last year, it looked like we’d use that time for a cruise to celebrate 18 years of marriage (“This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvellous in our eyes.” Psalm 118:23). However, still recovering from our family’s summer vacation travels, we agreed for the sake of practicality that our planned getaway week as a couple would become a “staycation.”

Therein lies the rub.

I had NO PROBLEM in my mind with being away from work assignments on my desk and my regular routine of meetings, conference calls, and status updates. Unfortunately, someone forgot to inform my children that I was on vacation. There is no way of reconciling in my brain getting up for a parent/teacher conference before the sun was up…which meant I was awakened by my alarm clock…during the second day of my vacation. Definitely not my idea of vacation. That just didn’t make any sense to me.

Just like my child being behind on assignments and having a questionably less-than-stellar grade and saying everything was okay in that class (hello? reality check!) didn’t make sense to me. This junior Nancy Drew had to investigate…and what I found was not pretty. It kept me up late that night (of the same day I’d gotten up EARLY) coaching the child to completion of the late assignments so they could be turned in ASAP.

And I realized with a wan smile: That’s life. There’s no glossy brochure, 24-hour buffets, or smiling concierges waiting on you hand and foot. Life is about responding to needs in a timely manner. My child needed me and my husband…immediately. And we responded accordingly. Because life is real and vacation is fleeting and temporary.

What happened to the relaxation I thought I’d earned? Yeah, I’m still waiting on that! LOL

I was grateful that we were home and available to address the immediate needs requiring parental attention (it took a united front of me and my husband to help triage the child over this hump). Surely, coming home to foolishness would’ve blown whatever temporary high we’d received from sun, sand, gentle breeze, and ocean waves. Yet, my week didn’t go as I’d planned. It rarely (if ever) does. Because I’m not in control. I don’t know why I keep getting surprised by this unchanging fact. But as I mature, I realize that it really is better that I’m not in control – because God IS!

Regardless of the shenanigans and antics, I am thankful for my week of vacation. It was a series of days that the Lord made for me to rejoice and be glad in – no matter what situations or circumstances arose. I was surrounded by those I love for an extended time when I could focus on them – and that is a priceless gift that couldn’t be purchased on Black Friday, Cyber Monday, or any day.

“This is the day which the Lord hath made;
we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
(Psalm 118:24)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Hewn Down 2.0: And Then It Happened – Just Like That

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tree stumps2 10-1-18

I couldn’t resist snapping this photo Sunday afternoon en route to the grocery store…hey, I’m visual!

It’s not that I don’t understand that old things pass away and behold, all things are become new. Sometimes I just need a moment to adjust to the rate and pace of change.

Last Friday as I drove home, I saw the arborists working on a tree-filled corner, lopping entire limbs (not just branches) off a row of trees that had grown hazardously entangled in the nearby power lines. At that location, I’d seen them snip a branch here and there over the past few years, but this was kinda drastic. I looked at the stark tree trunks with nubs where their arms had once been extended. I wanted a photo of the transformation, but I didn’t take a walk that evening.

As I headed early out for Saturday morning activities, I passed the arborists at work again. By the time I returned home on Saturday afternoon, there was a truckload of wood shavings being hauled away in the opposite direction. Well, I thought to myself, I’ve just gotta make sure I take a walk today and get a picture of those nubs. My schedule dictated otherwise.

Heading to Sunday morning worship service, I beheld only sawed up tree trunks looking like dejected logs and their stumps…there was no evidence of branches or nubs; they had all had been hauled away in less than 24 hours. On Friday, I had no idea of the extent of the project; I thought the property owners were only cutting back enough of the foliage to appease the local energy company with unencumbered power lines. They went above and beyond the call of duty to eliminate the root cause (literally) of any potential future issues.

I realized that the only photo I’d capture after church would likely be of grass. But wouldn’t that be a miraculous statement in and of itself? That where all this twisted, mangled brush had once resided, it was now clean and clear, thanks to a touch from the Master Arborist Who held a vision, purpose, and plan for those trees and that land from the beginning? And I began to rejoice in the work that had taken place. It seemed swift from my perspective, but it was really a long-overdue action.

What I had planned to capture in still frames, God showed me in time lapse photography…in fast-forward mode. The hewing down and dismantling of entire trees seemed like an instantaneous occurrence, but it was still a steady progression – though an accelerated process from my admittedly limited vantage point. Here it is a week later, and I still marvel at how different that corner looks without those trees. And I yield to His sovereignty as He adjusts my personal landscape to His heavenly vision; there still remains some “stuff” that needs to be ground up like sawdust and hauled away.

p.s. Would you believe that by the time I returned home Monday evening, those remnant logs (in the above photo) were a faint and distant memory? Only tree stumps and small piles of sawdust survived as residue…nothing to see or photograph here…move along, folks…now THAT’LL preach! #NewDay #NewSeason #NewDispensation

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”
(Philippians 1:6, KJV)

“I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus [the time of His return].”
(Philippians 1:6, AMP)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Cocoon, Casket, or Crypt?

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Sometimes the familiar can be a comfortable fit, but are we mature enough to see when it’s stunting our growth – or worse yet, contributing to our demise because we’ve held onto it for too long?

A cocoon is a safe place of development. However, it is not intended to be a permanent dwelling place. At some point, we must be willing to leave that which has nurtured and protected us and launch out into the deep, trusting the providence of God to provide for us when our feet can’t touch the bottom of the pool – or when He challenges us to move beyond the pool and out to the ocean. Often scary – yet necessary.

A casket is a holding place for those things which indeed once were, but now have become past tense. Sometimes we try to hold onto them, only to experience their decay and disintegration right in the palms of our hands. Because they weren’t meant to last forever – they were only temporal.

A crypt is defined as “an underground room or vault beneath a church, used as a chapel or burial place.” Might there be some things we’re trying to hold onto that need to be buried and put behind us, that we return to them no more?

We each have people, places, and things that fit in all three of these categories – whether we want to admit it or not. May we yield to the wise and timely leading of the Holy Spirit to recognize the shift in season and transition into a new dispensation – and respond accordingly.

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”
(Ecclesiastes 3:11)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart

Li’l Microphone Hogs: Sign ME Up

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While driving to work this morning, I heard a classic gospel song, Sign Me Up (for the Christian Jubilee, write my name on the roll…). Instantly, I was transported back to my grandma’s Baptist church where I first sang in the Youth Choir. I smiled when I had to admit that – even 30+ years later – I still felt a li’l twinge of somethin’ thinking about my friend getting that solo (instead of me)…and I had to laugh. Granted, I had my own assigned solo, and I probably didn’t even want to lead “her song,” but for some reason at that time, seeing her take the microphone on that song just got my goat! LOL

As backup and fill-in director of my current church’s Youth Choir when needed, I got thrown into leading a rehearsal at a few minutes’ notice a couple of months ago. I was NOT ready for the 4 and 5 year-olds. No, really. My children are teenagers now, so all the dramatic stuff that goes along with that younger phase is in my rear-view mirror. As we worked on a song until the Director arrived, I got this burst of inspiration to let different children try the lead. When I asked for volunteers, all three of the littlest girls eagerly raised their hands. Uh oh, who to pick first?

Well, the one I selected to go first did a great job and had a strong voice. I gave the obligatory round of applause and prodded the children to encourage their fellow choir member for doing a fantastic job. When I pried the microphone from her hands to pass it to the second volunteer, I noticed that three lines into the song, the first leader was just standing there…not singing…sulking in protest. At age 5. Wow. I whispered to her, “Now we can’t be like that, sweetie; everybody gets a chance to praise the Lord with their voice!” Not easily cajoled, she was at least moving her lips by the end of the song, even if her heart was a few steps behind.

Whew – crisis averted! Until Volunteer #3 finally got her moment in the spotlight…and then I had two disgruntled soloists pouting at me from the front row. When the Director finally arrived (which seemed like an eternity later), I was more than glad to turn those tiny tot singers back over to her tutelage (I know my limitations, and I was nearing my “patient lovingkindness with a group of children on a Saturday morning” quotient)!

In retrospect, that was a humorous turn of events. But how often – as adults – do we still wish we had what someone else has? Do we know what it cost them to get it – or what sacrifices they continue to make in order to keep it? There’s no room in the Body of Christ for covetousness – we’ve gotta cut out the foolishness if we want to see our names on the Heavenly Roll!

“2 I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.
3 And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers,
whose names are in the book of life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.
5 Let your moderation be known unto all men.
The Lord is at hand.”
(Philippians 4:2-5, KJV)

“2 I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree and to work in harmony in the Lord.
3 Indeed, I ask you too, my true companion, to help these women [to keep on cooperating], for they have shared my struggle in the [cause of the] gospel, together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers,
whose names are in the Book of Life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, take pleasure in Him]; again I will say, rejoice!
5 Let your gentle spirit [your graciousness, unselfishness, mercy, tolerance, and patience] be known to all people.
The Lord is near.”
(Philippians 4:2-5, AMP)

© Copyright 2018 by Kayren J. Cathcart