Truth in the Inward Parts

I thought these flowers were beautiful – like truth!

I was riding in the car this evening and my wonderful hubby was talking to me. When I thought he was finished, I interjected something. He said, “You just corrected me and shot down my sweet words!” That really wasn’t my intention, so I quickly responded, “Oh, I’m sorry that I cut you off, sweetie.” But at that moment, I wasn’t sorry, and I wasn’t thinking he was a sweetie. I felt misunderstood, and I had to actively CHOOSE not to let something so minor turn into a full-blown offense. But I still got indignant and clammed up.

At that moment, the scripture about God “desiring truth in the inward parts” (Psalm 51:6) bubbled up and I heard a still, small voice saying, “You’re not being honest.” The Lord convicted me on-the-spot, right there in the car where I had nowhere to escape for the remainder of the ride. It stung!

So then I got indignant with God. Yeah – that was a pretty saucy (and utterly foolish) move since I’m pretty sure I saw some lightning accompany the raindrops falling on the windshield. I had to admit that He had found me and hit the bullseye right on the mark. I knew better as a mature Christian. I had to humble myself and repent – immediately.

Initially, I felt JUSTIFIED ‘cuz at least I was polite and respectful, right? WRONG – my feigned apology was not coming from a pure heart or a place of truth, so it was just empty words. And was that the stench of PRIDE I was trying to cover up with the sweet perfume of good manners and civility? The reflection in the Holy Ghost mirror was ghastly and anything but holy. Egads – woe is me, what a wretch undone am I! The hidden recesses of my innermost thoughts were severely contaminated with self-righteous indignation.

Lord, I pray that You continue to help me to walk in YOUR truth…because “my truth” (the popular catchphrase) is mired in self-deception. Help me to not lean to my own tainted and limited understanding, but to acknowledge You in ALL of my ways so YOU can direct my paths. Thank You for loving me enough to peel back the layers of the façade I’ve tried for so long to project – all so You can expose the toxic things that need to be removed from my life because they don’t please You or bring You glory. May I, in turn, extend lavish grace to others – as you have showered me with Your lovingkindness and tender mercies. Amen.

“Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts:
and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.”
(Psalm 51:6)

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest,
whatsoever things are just,
whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely,
whatsoever things are of good report;
if there be any virtue,
and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
(Philippians 4:8)

“I have no greater joy
than to hear that my children walk in truth.”
(III John 1:4)

In A Moment…

Posted by kayrencathcart

…in the twinkling of an eye…

At first, my husband kindly offered to take my daughter on the last day of the cross-town trek to her summer technology opportunity (I was traumatized by the treacherous traffic gridlock I’d experienced 2 days prior; I think he felt sorry for me). Then his schedule changed, so it was back in my lap for that morning’s pick-up and drop-off activities. However, it put me perfectly on schedule for where I was supposed to be. I even made it to my 9am meeting ON TIME…in spite of rush hour traffic.

The swipe card reader was broken where I usually enter the elevators, so I had to go to the main lobby for access. This put me at the elevator bank with one of our senior leaders (who is totally personable and approachable). I spoke to her and she complimented my polka dot lunch bag. As we waited for the elevator, she told me she was texting a co-worker (whom I knew of)…and told me that the lady’s teenage daughter had passed away in an accident the past weekend. This same executive had unexpectedly lost her young daughter several years ago, so support and encouragement from her carries the weight of a parent who has gone through the grieving process firsthand. I gave her a hug and told her she was SO much more than her job, then the elevator whisked her up to the top floor of our building.

It was a sobering thought that put everything in perspective for me. As I began to pray for the bereaved family, suddenly that beastly traffic didn’t seem like such a burdensome sacrifice for the daughter I’d just dropped off. In the big scheme of the cosmos, my unplanned personal schedule change and what seemed like subsequent obstructions weren’t about me pressing to make it to my conference call on time. It was about being mindful enough to connect on a human level – in real time – with the people around me who are greatly loved by God. May we always remember to let our light shine…wherever we find ourselves.

“51 Behold, I shew you a mystery;
We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye,
at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound,
and the dead shall be raised incorruptible,
and we shall be changed.
55 O death, where is thy sting?
O grave, where is thy victory?
57 But thanks be to God,
which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
(I Corinthians 15:51-52, 55, 57)

Can These Bones Yet Live Again?

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When I saw the dry and shriveled-up rose earlier this month, I was saddened – it had been so beautiful as it bloomed, and I enjoyed seeing it from my window or when I drove past. However, my sadness didn’t last very long…I discovered new blooms in that same moment just by adjusting my perspective. When I shifted my glance from that which appeared to be dead, I saw that there was still vibrant life thriving not far away. My heart rejoiced while beholding the beauty!

May we receive our Heavenly Father’s gentle and poignant reminder that some things that appear to be dead are only dormant…and dormancy lasts for only a season before life re-emerges. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Let us rest in Him as we trust His process…cycles come AND go…and go AND come…

“Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him…”
(Psalm 37:7a)

“3 And he said unto me, Son of man, can these bones live?
And I answered, O Lord God, thou knowest.
4 Again he said unto me,
Prophesy upon these bones, and say unto them,
O ye dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.
5 Thus saith the Lord God unto these bones;
Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live:
6 And I will lay sinews upon you, and will bring up flesh upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you,
and ye shall live; and ye shall know that I am the Lord.”
(Ezekiel 37:3-6)

Thorns

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Though I never really thought much about the purpose of thorns (in my opinion, they’re kinda like mosquitoes, flies, ants, etc.), I know they’re a part of life…for flowers and for people. A quick internet search informed me that plants use thorns for protection – to prevent being crushed, walked on, or eaten. In that aspect, I guess they’re not that different from people, eh? 🙂 LOL

A couple of months ago, I took a morning walk and saw a huge and magnificent rosebush. Since I pass by it at least twice a day when driving, I decided to take a closer look. When I stooped closer to inspect the blooms, I was surprised to see a tangle of thorns at the base. Needless to say, I didn’t extend my hand to touch the pretty roses – they were certainly well-protected!

Consider the possibility that something you deem to be a thorn is functioning – unbeknownst to you – for your protection. A gift in disguise at work on your behalf. God extending His grace and strength to you in the midst of tough and painful situations and circumstances. I can definitely see it – can you? Beauty emerges around, in close proximity to, and in spite of our THORNS.

“7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me,
lest I should be exalted above measure.
8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice,
that it might depart from me.
9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee:
for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities,
that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches,
in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake:
for when I am weak, then am I strong.”
(II Corinthians 12:7-10)

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

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Trust me – this IS progress; the drawer WAS fully stuffed yesterday…

So a co-worker called me the offensive “h-word” today…no, not heifer…hoarder. I smarted as if I’d been stung by a bee, wondering where that zinger came from. I thought I had made progress. And I had, until it became incumbent upon me to prepare for the inevitable office move of less than 50 feet to the other side of the SAME floor (side glance – now what executive thought this was an efficiency-saver?! Riiight…). With 2 days to go, I was definitely under pressure and behind the power curve.

Honestly, I can understand my co-worker’s point (I know she meant no harm, and it really was ridiculous the amount of stuff I’d collected while sitting there since 2014 – and of course I brought a few things from previous roles, too. Or maybe more than a few, it seems…). I also understood the moving coordinators who stopped by ever-so-often to gently inquire if I was gonna make the “be off the floor ‘cuz the movers are here” Friday at 2pm deadline. As the pressure mounted, I felt myself getting more overwhelmed. (I’d already had a mini-meltdown when stripping the cube walls earlier in the week – everything looked so stark, empty, and blank. Then I saw my children’s baby pictures and reflected on my youngest now heading to high school and the tears started leaking out of my eyelids. It wasn’t a pretty moment. Thankfully, it passed quickly).

As I toted papers to the shred bin, another co-worker peeked her head out from behind her computer monitor – a new employee who I noticed like to write, just like me. However, I discovered her hidden superpower today: organizing. She watched me swoosh past her desk several times frantically ferrying the many small to mid-sized boxes I’d accumulated over years of administrative support “just in case someone needs ‘em, I’ve got ‘em!” Finally she asked me, “Are you OK?” And I sheepishly whispered that I’d just been called a hoarder and I needed to speed up my purging if I was gonna make the packing deadline without the movers tossing any remaining unpacked items – of which I had many lingering.

With a single sentence, she tossed me a lifesaver of hope, “When you get to your new cube, we’re going to get you off to a fresh, new, organized workspace.” Wow – someone who barely knew me was offering to help me (because it was obvious that I desperately needed assistance since my plan to keep accumulating and stuffing had finally reached the breaking point – no pun intended…I think my file drawers were at capacity).

So today’s lesson is this: At some point, you’ve gotta take some stuff out to maintain a healthy balance; you can’t keep shovin’ stuff in. This goes for emotions, relationships, food, whatever…

Let the cleansing continue.

My desk & shelves haven’t been this empty since I moved into this cube in 2014…I’m learning to travel lighter – that’s for sure!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”
(Psalm 51:10)

Dusk/Nightfall: Time to Replenish

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You know morning comes again after the darkness. And you still yourself and endure just a little while longer. The moon and the ever-changing sky palette were a perfect recap to this full week. Taking a moment to savor my progression was a welcome respite.

I took time for my cardio activity, not being concerned about anyone else for that 30 minutes. It wasn’t selfish; it was restorative. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that while my matriarchal role models could nurture the ever-living daylights out of someone (or everyone in their sphere of influence), they didn’t generally model self-care effectively – or at all. So I’m learning (of a necessity) how to do this now. Acknowledging that taking care of others doesn’t have to occur at the expense of neglecting myself. Balance is possible – when you make it an intentionally incorporated part of the process – it doesn’t happen on its own!

Sometimes my own self-care is the best of intentions with weak (or no) execution. Sometimes it’s trial-and-error. But sometimes – like today – I nail it! So I celebrate my success without guilt. Because what good am I to others if there’s nothing left to give? Exactly…

How can you intentionally celebrate your own prelude to joy this week? Give it some thought. Feel free to share in the comments if you’d like.

“5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
10 Hear, O Lord, and have mercy upon me: Lord, be thou my helper.
11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.”
(Psalm 30:5, 10-12 KJV)

Sterile/Sterilized Relationships

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Tough to admit to myself – let alone to others, but I realize after reading Matthew 18:15 that I’ve pretty much had an emotional condom at the ready in most of my friendships – just in case things got heated! Not wanting to be fully transparent and unable to yield to complete intimacy for fear of being unliked, unaccepted, misunderstood, or just downright rejected. Trying to protect myself from as-yet-unhappened hurts (but bracing for their potential occurrence). That’s why I wore a mask and tried to only show the “good parts” of me. But that’s unreal. Not human. Did that make me an alien? LOL. No, but it did contribute to the existence of a very tormented, agonizing human.

Trying to broker all these moving pieces in multiple dynamic relationships was like spinning a bunch of plates. And when the exhaustion of trying to manage the not-meant-to-be-managed process caused me to fray, I went kaput and the gears stopped turning and the wheels ground to a screeching halt. The plates began to crash as I no longer had the energy to meticulously attend to each one wobbling out of control – just beyond my grasp and inability to “fix it.” And I was left to examine myself, and the trail of fragmented relationships strewn on the path behind me.

Then a funny thing happened: God caused me to start revisiting those relationships. Not to reopen old wounds, but for the purpose of closure. So I could see that – even in the midst of my own imperfections, shortcomings, and mistakes (of which there are many) – He was able to bring healing to my broken places if I would but allow Him access. Vulnerable place? You betcha. But it’s where I find myself. And when you come to understand that being on the Potter’s wheel is exactly where He wants you so He can fashion an even more exquisite vessel out of the disparate pieces of your life, a certain level of peace comes. I remain in progress and in process…

“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”
(Matthew 18:15)

Offline for System Maintenance

Posted by kayrencathcart

marred – spoiled, corrupted, ruined, injured, rotted

Preventive maintenance is better than a partial – or total – system failure (and subsequent shutdown)…mayday, mayday! Alert! Caution! Pay attention!

Though both scenarios involve not being able to access the system, when unavailability is planned, you can better prepare and respond. Making advanced arrangements and calculated adjustments can be smoother than in-the-moment, real-time reactions.

The off duty bus displays an “Out of Service” sign. Bathrooms do, too. “Closed for repairs.” “Pardon our progress.” So can a person hang an “Under Construction” sign around their neck? I’m just sayin’…it behooves us to be mindful of where people are in their process of being formed – or reformed – for the Master’s use and good pleasure.

“And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.”
(Jeremiah 18:4)

Planning Gone Mad: The Vacation That Wasn’t

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Every parent has experienced that fleeting moment of fantasizing about what they’ll do when everyone else in their household is occupied and they get to hold in their hands the elusive concept of “free time.” I had scheduled the entire week after Thanksgiving for vacation away from work – last year, it looked like we’d use that time for a cruise to celebrate 18 years of marriage (“This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvellous in our eyes.” Psalm 118:23). However, still recovering from our family’s summer vacation travels, we agreed for the sake of practicality that our planned getaway week as a couple would become a “staycation.”

Therein lies the rub.

I had NO PROBLEM in my mind with being away from work assignments on my desk and my regular routine of meetings, conference calls, and status updates. Unfortunately, someone forgot to inform my children that I was on vacation. There is no way of reconciling in my brain getting up for a parent/teacher conference before the sun was up…which meant I was awakened by my alarm clock…during the second day of my vacation. Definitely not my idea of vacation. That just didn’t make any sense to me.

Just like my child being behind on assignments and having a questionably less-than-stellar grade and saying everything was okay in that class (hello? reality check!) didn’t make sense to me. This junior Nancy Drew had to investigate…and what I found was not pretty. It kept me up late that night (of the same day I’d gotten up EARLY) coaching the child to completion of the late assignments so they could be turned in ASAP.

And I realized with a wan smile: That’s life. There’s no glossy brochure, 24-hour buffets, or smiling concierges waiting on you hand and foot. Life is about responding to needs in a timely manner. My child needed me and my husband…immediately. And we responded accordingly. Because life is real and vacation is fleeting and temporary.

What happened to the relaxation I thought I’d earned? Yeah, I’m still waiting on that! LOL

I was grateful that we were home and available to address the immediate needs requiring parental attention (it took a united front of me and my husband to help triage the child over this hump). Surely, coming home to foolishness would’ve blown whatever temporary high we’d received from sun, sand, gentle breeze, and ocean waves. Yet, my week didn’t go as I’d planned. It rarely (if ever) does. Because I’m not in control. I don’t know why I keep getting surprised by this unchanging fact. But as I mature, I realize that it really is better that I’m not in control – because God IS!

Regardless of the shenanigans and antics, I am thankful for my week of vacation. It was a series of days that the Lord made for me to rejoice and be glad in – no matter what situations or circumstances arose. I was surrounded by those I love for an extended time when I could focus on them – and that is a priceless gift that couldn’t be purchased on Black Friday, Cyber Monday, or any day.

“This is the day which the Lord hath made;
we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
(Psalm 118:24)

Rest for The Weary: Stop Living on Overdrawn Credit

Posted by kayrencathcart

When do you finally realize you’ve been living beyond your means? When you’ve expended more emotional capital then you’ve amassed? When you’ve “tapped out” and have very little, if anything left to give if you don’t replenish your own storehouse?

Come to the wells of salvation and drink deeply…be saved from yourself – your own devices, plans, plots, desires, entrapments, entanglements…find rest for your soul in the Master’s presence.

You remember that place of refreshing – it’s still there. Waiting for your return – as a permanent resident in the presence of the Lord instead of intermittent visitor.

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life:
in thy presence is fulness of joy;
at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”
(Psalm 16:11, KJV)

“28 Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation].
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.”
(Matthew 11:28-30, AMP)

Kayren Cathcart's Blog

Observations on daily life and inspiration for spiritual growth…

prayer

Truth in the Inward Parts

In A Moment…

Can These Bones Yet Live Again?

Thorns

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

Dusk/Nightfall: Time to Replenish

Sterile/Sterilized Relationships

Offline for System Maintenance

Planning Gone Mad: The Vacation That Wasn’t

Rest for The Weary: Stop Living on Overdrawn Credit