Full, But Unsatisfied

Posted by kayrencathcart

Two weeks ago, I thought this was just a “get it off my chest, rambling personal journal entry.” But now I realize that I have to post it…because I wrote Part Two (unbeknownst to me) today. So here it is – Part One…may you be blessed by this big ol’ heaping helping of transparent exposure…

Have you ever eaten a meal and been stuffed to capacity, only to realize that it did not hit the spot? Or you worked hard to achieve a significant goal, milestone, or accomplishment, only to experience the same nagging void that was there when you started? Yeah, me too. Utterly disappointing, isn’t it? #EpicLetdown

On far too many occasions through my 4 decades-plus of life, I’ve reached the top of a ladder, only to realize I’d placed it against the wrong wall. I’d achieved a goal, but not the fulfillment to accompany it. So what next?

I lost the (same) 20 pounds (again)…only to regain them (again). I got the new job responsibility, accolade, or recognition…only to realize it wasn’t the adrenaline rush I was looking for after all. I tried the new gourmet recipe and presented it to my family with little acknowledgment for the effort…only to feel my high-flying “mom balloon” deflated amongst the empty dirty dishes.

What was I really seeking? Contentment. Affirmation. Fulfillment. If I’m brutally honest with myself, I know that comes only from being at peace with the will of God – not seeking to check off the next achievement. No matter how many things within my span of control (which admittedly are very few) I tweaked, I only experienced satisfaction when I decided to yield to God’s selected path for me in that season. Even when it wasn’t glamorous or sexy. Especially when it felt mundane and routine (quarantine, anyone?).

So how do we change the narrative? Give it up, and give in. Go back to Square One – HIS plan. Yeah, it’s the one that does NOT look like your plan…but it’s custom tailored to fit you perfectly.

My dietician’s recent reminder that we’re never able to satisfy emotional hunger with physical food was a light bulb “aha!” moment and a real game changer. The same premise is true in the spiritual realm: we’re never able to satisfy our spiritual hunger with anything but Christ…we were created with that void He longs to fill. Don’t get sidetracked by distractions…let us focus on the Lord and allow HIM to fill us during this time when He continues to draw us deeper into His presence..

“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is tried:
he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.”
(II Samuel 22:31)

“He revealeth the deep and secret things:
he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him.”
(Daniel 2:22)

“And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life:
he that cometh to me shall never hunger;
and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.”
(John 6:35)

Broken, But Not Irreparable

Posted by kayrencathcart

God, You truly know how to crush to extract the essence without destroying the value within a person…

After “forced intercession” due to a heaviness I just couldn’t shake and tears that came from outta nowhere (who ME, try to run from God?! get outta here!😏), after praying through the progeny of my foremothers’ bloodlines and repenting, I finally got a release and this flowed forth. It’s a poem that’ll probably become a song. I captured it in my new $1 pink journal with a gold heart that says “Love Yourself” (because I can’t resist something sparkly that’s only $1…so of course I got one for my daughter, too! LOL). When I was about to turn the page, I noticed that I’d written on the last page instead of the first page. I’ve NEVER done that when starting a new journal – intentionally or unintentionally…and yet, it was fitting and timely today.

I truly didn’t intend to post this backstory – I was just gonna share the poem, but after my time of cleansing tears and emptying out of my soul (thank You, Lord), I must obey…

So be encouraged as you go through your own process of transformation during this “safer at home” time of being shut in and formed, molded, and shaped on the Master Potter’s wheel…ALL for HIS glory.

Broken things can still be used;

They can be repaired,

They can be restored.

To a state of increased value

That only the love of God can afford.

Purchased by God – priceless gift;

Feel the burdens of your soul lift.

God wrote the end of your story first;

He sees your best when you’re at your worst.

Don’t rush His process of soul restoration;

Watch Him remove all frustration…

Rest in Him as He blankets your soul in His peace.

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”

(Philippians 1:6)

Fathers Deserve MORE Than Just a Day

Posted by kayrencathcart

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This is dedicated to every father,
with special honor given to Black fathers who are committed to holding their families with strong, protective arms and hearts full of love.
Additionally, those who may not be biological fathers but choose to serve as positive role models in their families and communities are worthy of recognition.

What a time this has been. I begin with an attitude of gratitude after weeks of reflection and introspection. Current events covered by the media only magnify the significance of racial tension that brews, bubbles, and seethes in this “melting pot” of a country.

I am grateful for my father. I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful for my son who is just on the cusp of manhood and 12 months away from possibly (probably, but I’m OBVIOUSLY still dealing with just a smidge of denial) not residing under my roof, facing the world with what his father and I taught him and surrounded by prayer. I am grateful for the MANY good men and fathers who have graced my life with wisdom, knowledge, insight, instruction, guidance, and discipline through the years. I am TREMENDOUSLY grateful for my faithful and consistent Heavenly Father!

For the pressures, expectations, letdowns, and rejoicings cut too short by reality – over and over again – from my perspective, it looks like being a man these days is a pretty tough job.

Nevertheless, the men I’m fortunate to have in my life are more than built to conquer the tasks presented. Can’t open that stubborn jar? Give it here – I’ve got you! Broken bones or middle of the night child projectiles? No problem – there’s health insurance and a shop-vac for that! Debt that stresses you beyond imagination? Never fear, dear maiden – there’s a plan to address, cover, and conquer that! Scared of the dark, monsters under your bed (or in your closet…or in your past), or the unknowns of the future? Let us pray – I’m here with you, and I know Someone Who will make it all alright for you…especially when I can’t.

For all your perfectly imperfect parts – many or few;
We absolutely couldn’t (and don’t want to) do it without you!

From the girl who doesn’t restrict celebration to a single or specific day, I say TODAY with much respect: Happy Father’s Day! And thank you for your innumerable ongoing sacrifices. And love. And example. And mistakes. And for getting up and getting back in the game even when you’re tired of what seems to be the same ol’ cycle. Be encouraged – because you’re making a difference…every day.

With great appreciation,
Kayren

“1 Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding.
2 For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law.
3 For I was my father’s son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother.
4 He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words:
keep my commandments, and live.
5 Get wisdom, get understanding:
forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth.”
(Proverbs 4:1-5)

The Sistahood

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It’s not that Oprah, Michelle Obama, or Beyonce are any more fabulous than anyone already in your personal circles…it’s just that, as celebrities, they’re more widely known. This entire week, my eyes have been opened and my soul awakened to the sheer magnitude of greatness in the women around me. Like these gorgeous new roses blooming in my yard, we find ourselves at different stages of life and levels of growth and development, but our individual beauty enhances the collective landscape.

MY network is invaluable and priceless. I was bursting with pride after Tanya gave her dynamic Toastmasters Icebreaker speech today – I’ve gotta get that well-traveled chick’s autograph NOW! I felt like a million bucks after having an afternoon catch-up chat with Tiphanie; after tag-team encouraging each other for 5 minutes, we finally agreed to have a mutual admiration society for respect of the current and future potential we see in one another, determined and committed with accountability to not let it go dormant. I connected her with Michele who just started her own consulting firm because they’re both young, vibrant, unstoppable, brilliant, and share a similar interest. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for LaKeisha who has actively served as a nurse on the COVID-19 front lines and still takes care of her husband and family with godly devotion like a champ; she’s younger than me, but I consider her a role model in so many ways. Yvette is a creative spiritual powerhouse who – days after attending to her own health issues – was calling to check on me…seriously compassionate. My college friends who group text with me regularly have provided the familiar solace that comes from people knowing you (up, down, sideways, inside and out) for over two decades.

These women (and the scores of others I can’t possibly list here) have been an invaluable part of my support network. The impact of their influence on me has been magnified during these past several months as they provided reinforcement in places I didn’t even know I had needs.

I say it’s time to harness the power of those dynamic people God has already placed in our paths. The next Oprah may already be within your sphere of influence – help her come forth, and she’ll do the same for you. We can nurture and build our environment with genuine friendship, kinship, and relationship. With love, perseverance, and dedication, we CAN change the world as we know it for the better – one step at a time, one day at a time, one intentional action at a time. I’m counting on it…for my daughter’s sake, and her generation. Count your blessings, assess your network, and mount up, sistahs…the time is NOW! OUR time is now!

Thank YOU for being part of my network – I am truly grateful!

p.s. It goes without saying that as we strengthen our sisterhood network, we put ourselves in better position to support our brothers…

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”
(Psalm 133:1)

The Mom Chronicles 2020

Posted by kayrencathcart

chronicle (noun) –
record, history, account, diary, register, journal, story, narrative

chronicle (verb) –
report, record, re-count, relate, narrate, register, keep track of, make note of, write down

In my opinion, EVERY day is Mother’s Day.😉 Whether you are a mother, you have a mother, or you know a mother, stories to chronicle abound! No matter what stage of life you’re in, celebrate this weekend by taking a moment to reflect on the impact of mothers in your life – and share your gratitude!

Every culture has its own “mom-isms.” I grew up in the South, raised by traditional disciplinarians. Do any of these sound familiar?

“Because I SAID so – that’s why!”
“I’m not “such & such’s” mother – I’m YOUR Mama!”
My fave from my grandma: “I’m not mean; I just MEAN what I say!”
BONUS: “This is gonna hurt ME more than it hurts you!” (before being disciplined in love LOL)

If you can relate to (or recall with a shudder!) any of these examples, chances are you had at least one authority figure in your life who cared about you making it from childhood to adulthood successfully; hence, you have a reason to be thankful for their influence.😁 And if you’ve used any of these “mom-isms” within the past 24 hours, you are definitely a mom!🤣

We all have memories when reflecting on the mothers in our lives – biological, adopted, neighborhood, mentors, friends, those we’ve admired from afar, etc. Whether you had the June Cleaver, Claire Huxtable, Martha Stewart, Florida Evans, or Peg Bundy type of mom – or somewhere in between – moms are a special breed.

I’ve learned (from experience) that sometimes their volume button gets stuck on HIGH.❣ Their eyes leak at the most inopportune moments.😥 Most of them really DO have eyes in the back of their head.🧐😳👀 Sometimes they say one thing, but mean something totally different.😬🙄😖 But whatever model you were assigned from the factory😇 – treasure your mom as a one-of-a-kind design who helped make you who you are today…UNIQUELY YOU!

I’m praying you have a blessed and Happy Mother’s Day – thank YOU for being a precious gift!🎁💖

“29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain:
but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”
(Proverbs 31:29-31)

In Full Bloom

Posted by kayrencathcart

Transformation abounds…wait for it…

This same rose that just began to bud less than a week ago is now in full bloom. It was almost like it happened in the blink of an eye. Wow, God – truly You do ALL things well!

In the midst of what’s going on right now, our expansive, extensive, magnanimously massive and infinite God is STILL sovereign and reigning on the Throne! As I reflected tonight on where I was physically at this time last year (grappling with ongoing GI issues), I was soooo grateful to just be able to have a meal in this season without fear of being unable to keep it down. I nearly had a praise party while washing my hands because I’d felt like the woman enduring the issue of blood last year as I searched for a cure to my ailments. Nevertheless, Jehovah Rophe healed me with HIS powerful touch, and I’m soooo thankful!

If you take a moment to meditate, what overwhelms YOU with gratitude for a fruitful area of your life (expected or unexpected) bursting forth even in the midst of the “stay at home” directive? When we resist fixation on a particular desire or outcome, our eyes may be opened to the miracles already at work right under our noses! Feel free to share your own praise report in the comments…

“4 For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him.
8 But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.”
(Isaiah 64:4, 8)

“10 I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels.
11 For as the earth bringeth forth her bud, and as the garden causeth the things that are sown in it to spring forth; so the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.”
(Isaiah 61:10-11)

Disconnected for Techno-Sabbatical

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I snapped these lovely photos on Friday after walking 3 steps from my front door (thanks, Awesome Gardener Hubby!), gently reminded that God makes every thing beautiful in his time. It’s kinda neat to see how everything is beginning to bloom in this season (even me) as “stay at home” measures limit our outside movement, but not our personal growth…

Granted, I’m writing my thoughts using an electronic device. However, I found such peace today just by giving myself permission to disconnect from technology and screens for a brief time away from the information influx that threatened to become a mental tsunami. Though I limit myself to checking 1 social media account 1-2 times a week and I keep my phone on vibrate to cut down on audio clutter, I didn’t realize the energy I was putting out to manage 2 personal e-mail inboxes, text messages, incoming phone calls, and voicemails. Not to speak of the constant barrage of marketing messages blasting from endless sources.

I’m not even that popular anymore (LOL – it’s all relative – ha ha), but the volume of incoming information to process, decision, prioritize, or choose to ignore clearly illuminated the ratio of ONE of ME to MANY information sources. I realized the need to clear my mind and savor some sumptuous silence…immediately!

So it began: I activated my work e-mail out-of-office message for the week I’d taken for vacation (now a staycation – but that’s cool with me!). I turned my cell phone ringer off and asked my parents to text me if they wanted to reach me – and they were happy to pray for my time of techno-rest while assuring me they’re doing fine. Finally, I sent a text message to a couple of folks who are used to hearing from me regularly, letting them know I’d be available after this week to reconnect.

It was really liberating – like I’d given myself a “free pass” to unplug from my routine in order to be rejuvenated in God’s presence and reconnect with my family while undistracted by external commitments. And I settled in for a blessed week, knowing I’m nestled safely under the Shadow of the Almighty as I sit still long enough for Him to continue working on and in me – His daughter. I am excited about experiencing the power of His Resurrection in a new way at this specific time in my life. Even so, come Lord Jesus!

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”
(Ecclesiastes 3:11)

“20 He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen.
Even so, come, Lord Jesus.
21 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.”
(Revelation 22:20-21)

Feeling Tossed?

Posted by kayrencathcart

Do you ever feel tossed (like an ocean wave…or a really hearty salad) when things don’t go as planned or expected (like no March Madness 2020)? I do…

A lot has changed in my corner of the world since I posted at the beginning of the month. You can probably say the same. It’s just that kind of time.

At the beginning of the month, I took a vacation day from work to celebrate “Happy Hardworking ME Day!” (ME = Mommy Extraordinaire)…I scheduled my first mani/pedi in several months and enjoyed the royal treatment at Elevation Beauty & Nail Spa (shout-out to my new fave nail spot in the University area for pampering and perspective maintenance)…highly recommend!

Today, I’m prepping for Week 3 (of 2 months *minimum*) support of my children who are physically out of their school classroom environment and transitioning into distance learning from home. Does this make me a Schoolmaster? Um, yes…

At the beginning of the month, I was excited about being assigned to a new project at work.

Today, I find myself struggling to adjust to working from home 100% without ANY options to go into the office as our entire state is under “stay at home” directives.

At the beginning of the month, Daylight Saving Time impacted my circadian rhythm…who knew 1 hour could make such a huge impact on your life? I found out a few years ago. LOL

Today, I find myself irritable as my inner night owl natural tendencies collide with my domestic and professional responsibilities that start earlier in the morning than I can sustain on a few hours of sleep. I’m working towards a healthy balance of proper rest (being awake to know there’s a 2am national news show on is NOT helping my plight), regular exercise (though sporadic exercise would be more than I’m doing right now), and wise food choices (eating the majority – but not all! – of a homemade iced lemon pound cake…by myself…in 2 days…without remorse…is probably less than beneficial). #JudgmentFreeZone #PandemicCaloriesDontCountDoThey 🤣

Perhaps, like I do, you find yourself grasping for some semblance of normalcy as “the new norm” is being reshaped for our respective communities each day – and sometimes being redefined every few hours. It seems like as soon as I make one adjustment, five more unexpected changes are hurled my way, and I’m accountable for responding properly with wisdom and maturity – and then adapting quickly…no matter how stretched to capacity I may feel.

Nevertheless, God’s Word – as always – offers comfort, assurance, and strength for this particular part of the journey we find ourselves travelling. When we are afflicted and tossed, He promises to establish us – in Himself…the Solid Rock. He is with us in the midst of every trial and tribulation – to teach us lessons in the fires of adversity, and to bring us forth refined as pure gold, without even the smell of smoke!

Even as things around us appear to deteriorate rapidly, may we endure, stay encouraged, and seek the “blessing in disguise” right under our noses. A family member, friend, or neighbor who is ill or has a need may present an opportunity for us to be the hands and feet that extend the love of Christ through needed acts of service. A child you’re suddenly “shut in” or “locked down” with for weeks (or months – grace & mercy please, Lord! 😇🙏🏼) on end may be the answer to prayers you prayed long ago for the reconciliation and restoration of right relationship. And believe it or not, when you humble yourself enough to admit your own need, you may find a source of support available TO YOU that you never knew existed.

“Social distancing” in a physical sense doesn’t mean we withdraw from connecting in meaningful ways with those we care about. We must be more creative and intentional about finding ways to reach out to those who need to experience kindness and compassion.

God has equipped us for this battle, and already calls us MORE than conquerors through Christ. May we see our present assignments as gifts for us to be further strengthened and prepared as saints of the Most High who share the Good News of the Gospel in love and with joy every time there is an open door. When we look around, I believe we’ll see that our next door is not at all far away…

I’m praying blessings, safety, and good health for you and your family,
Kayren

“11 O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
12 And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.
13 And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
14 In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee.”
(Isaiah 54:11-14)

Abiding Under the Shadow of the Almighty

Posted by kayrencathcart

I’m grateful that the shadow of the Almighty is bigger than mine!

Not a bird in sight during my impromptu Saturday afternoon walk…

Yet, when I heard a flurry of chirps, tweets, squawks – and other sounds too challenging to describe with words – I knew there were many birds nestled just beyond the leaves. Though I couldn’t see them tucked into the covert of the bushes, their cacophony of sounds evidenced a vibrant winged community hidden from my sight.

In times like these, may we abide under the shadow of the Almighty and experience firsthand His covering from the imminent threats, dangers, evils, and perils that are near. May God’s hedge of protection continue to surround His children as we humble ourselves and pray…

“1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”
(Psalm 91:1-4)

But After That…

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As promised, here’s the “Part 2” that follows Living in Malice & Hating One Another…

The “before” is that we were “…living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another.” (Titus 3:3)

Verse 4 of the same chapter tells us what the “after” of this looks like: “But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared.”

We must change. Allow Him to give us a spiritual heart transplant. Learn from the example of Christ to let it go. Lay it on the altar and leave it there for Him to consume our sacrifice with fire. Yes, something has got to die.

Even if it’s my pride – because I feel justified…’cuz You KNOW I was right, Lord…right? I’m just sayin’…

But after that…

Once we reflect on our OWN state without God’s grace poured out on the undeserving, it leads us (if we are malleable and tenderhearted) to repentance. Humbleness of heart and mind, both evidenced by an adjusted response.

But after that…

Forgiveness. Whether I feel they deserve it or not…but who am I to judge who deserves what anyway?! Because when it gets right down to it, I sure don’t deserve God’s forgiveness, grace, mercy, favor, and extravagant love.

But after that…

I have to submit, surrender, and obey. Follow the example of Christ. Forgive 70 x 7 times…ouch!

As I mature, I’m learning that it’s OK to be angry or frustrated – or even both at the same time. It’s OK to cry. It’s even OK (for a little while) to feel like NOBODY else on the planet understands.

But after that…

My Transparent Prayer of Repentance:
Lord Jesus, I have something to say, and I need to be heard. Too bad it feels like <fill in the blank for yourself> ain’t listening, but I can’t allow or afford for anyone to derail the plan of God to get the glory from my life. So I yield to You once again, my Savior. Help me in those places that are still hurting, broken, wounded, and need Your touch. You see and You know…and I can feel You at work in my life. Please help me to be patient as You faithfully complete the work You’ve begun in me. I am thankful that You hear this prayer in Jesus’ name (so I don’t act a fool again and let my emotions carry me like a runaway roller coaster). Amen.

“4 But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,
5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;
6 Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour;
7 That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
8 This is a faithful saying, and these things I will that thou affirm constantly, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable unto men.”
(Titus 3:4-8)

Kayren Cathcart's Blog

Observations on daily life and inspiration for spiritual growth…

pressure

Full, But Unsatisfied

Broken, But Not Irreparable

Fathers Deserve MORE Than Just a Day

The Sistahood

The Mom Chronicles 2020

In Full Bloom

Disconnected for Techno-Sabbatical

Feeling Tossed?

Abiding Under the Shadow of the Almighty

But After That…