Truth in the Inward Parts

I thought these flowers were beautiful – like truth!

I was riding in the car this evening and my wonderful hubby was talking to me. When I thought he was finished, I interjected something. He said, “You just corrected me and shot down my sweet words!” That really wasn’t my intention, so I quickly responded, “Oh, I’m sorry that I cut you off, sweetie.” But at that moment, I wasn’t sorry, and I wasn’t thinking he was a sweetie. I felt misunderstood, and I had to actively CHOOSE not to let something so minor turn into a full-blown offense. But I still got indignant and clammed up.

At that moment, the scripture about God “desiring truth in the inward parts” (Psalm 51:6) bubbled up and I heard a still, small voice saying, “You’re not being honest.” The Lord convicted me on-the-spot, right there in the car where I had nowhere to escape for the remainder of the ride. It stung!

So then I got indignant with God. Yeah – that was a pretty saucy (and utterly foolish) move since I’m pretty sure I saw some lightning accompany the raindrops falling on the windshield. I had to admit that He had found me and hit the bullseye right on the mark. I knew better as a mature Christian. I had to humble myself and repent – immediately.

Initially, I felt JUSTIFIED ‘cuz at least I was polite and respectful, right? WRONG – my feigned apology was not coming from a pure heart or a place of truth, so it was just empty words. And was that the stench of PRIDE I was trying to cover up with the sweet perfume of good manners and civility? The reflection in the Holy Ghost mirror was ghastly and anything but holy. Egads – woe is me, what a wretch undone am I! The hidden recesses of my innermost thoughts were severely contaminated with self-righteous indignation.

Lord, I pray that You continue to help me to walk in YOUR truth…because “my truth” (the popular catchphrase) is mired in self-deception. Help me to not lean to my own tainted and limited understanding, but to acknowledge You in ALL of my ways so YOU can direct my paths. Thank You for loving me enough to peel back the layers of the façade I’ve tried for so long to project – all so You can expose the toxic things that need to be removed from my life because they don’t please You or bring You glory. May I, in turn, extend lavish grace to others – as you have showered me with Your lovingkindness and tender mercies. Amen.

“Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts:
and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.”
(Psalm 51:6)

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest,
whatsoever things are just,
whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely,
whatsoever things are of good report;
if there be any virtue,
and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
(Philippians 4:8)

“I have no greater joy
than to hear that my children walk in truth.”
(III John 1:4)

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

Posted by kayrencathcart

Trust me – this IS progress; the drawer WAS fully stuffed yesterday…

So a co-worker called me the offensive “h-word” today…no, not heifer…hoarder. I smarted as if I’d been stung by a bee, wondering where that zinger came from. I thought I had made progress. And I had, until it became incumbent upon me to prepare for the inevitable office move of less than 50 feet to the other side of the SAME floor (side glance – now what executive thought this was an efficiency-saver?! Riiight…). With 2 days to go, I was definitely under pressure and behind the power curve.

Honestly, I can understand my co-worker’s point (I know she meant no harm, and it really was ridiculous the amount of stuff I’d collected while sitting there since 2014 – and of course I brought a few things from previous roles, too. Or maybe more than a few, it seems…). I also understood the moving coordinators who stopped by ever-so-often to gently inquire if I was gonna make the “be off the floor ‘cuz the movers are here” Friday at 2pm deadline. As the pressure mounted, I felt myself getting more overwhelmed. (I’d already had a mini-meltdown when stripping the cube walls earlier in the week – everything looked so stark, empty, and blank. Then I saw my children’s baby pictures and reflected on my youngest now heading to high school and the tears started leaking out of my eyelids. It wasn’t a pretty moment. Thankfully, it passed quickly).

As I toted papers to the shred bin, another co-worker peeked her head out from behind her computer monitor – a new employee who I noticed like to write, just like me. However, I discovered her hidden superpower today: organizing. She watched me swoosh past her desk several times frantically ferrying the many small to mid-sized boxes I’d accumulated over years of administrative support “just in case someone needs ‘em, I’ve got ‘em!” Finally she asked me, “Are you OK?” And I sheepishly whispered that I’d just been called a hoarder and I needed to speed up my purging if I was gonna make the packing deadline without the movers tossing any remaining unpacked items – of which I had many lingering.

With a single sentence, she tossed me a lifesaver of hope, “When you get to your new cube, we’re going to get you off to a fresh, new, organized workspace.” Wow – someone who barely knew me was offering to help me (because it was obvious that I desperately needed assistance since my plan to keep accumulating and stuffing had finally reached the breaking point – no pun intended…I think my file drawers were at capacity).

So today’s lesson is this: At some point, you’ve gotta take some stuff out to maintain a healthy balance; you can’t keep shovin’ stuff in. This goes for emotions, relationships, food, whatever…

Let the cleansing continue.

My desk & shelves haven’t been this empty since I moved into this cube in 2014…I’m learning to travel lighter – that’s for sure!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”
(Psalm 51:10)

Purging My Burgeoning Past: Approaching the End of an Epoch

Posted by kayrencathcart

Old files that I decided to ROLL to the shred bin for the sake of time…and that was just the second load of the second day!

It’s an office move…these things happen every day, all around the world – why is this one impacting me so significantly? Why does it feel like a major theatrical production from my perspective? I mean, how sentimental is it to clean out old meeting agendas and filed, approved, and paid expense reports for a manager I don’t even support any more…and haven’t for over 3 years? She has moved on…why haven’t I? It may have something to do with my college friends recently revealing they nicknamed me MacGyver because I was always prepared. I laughed out loud…I guess I’ve always been the caring nurturer who tried to care for everyone and take care of everything. Until the accumulation became to great to bear – I ran out of emotional capital. So I find myself in more introspection and reflection.

Why the emotional attachment to stuff I haven’t touched in months…or years? I dare admit to myself that it a grasp for security of the familiar. Not that the familiar is even comfortable, but I kinda know what to expect. I know where to look if I need it, and that brings me some tinge of security…but is it a false peace? Is it misplaced trust? Well of COURSE it is, silly rabbit!

If I’m honest with myself, I think it’s because just about every area of my life is going through transition at the same time…and it’s absolutely uncomfortable and terrifying. Yet at the same time, maybe I have a bit of hopeful expectation of something different, better, fresh, not yet experienced. It has the potential to be exhilarating and scary – but yielding great new growth…like in a forest after a brush fire kinda way. New day, new beginnings.

I’ll be sitting in a different seat, in a different position, with a different vantage point. So looking at the same familiar things will appear different. And maybe that’s what God has wanted for me all along…yield, surrender, give in…again…for the first time…another adventuresome journey awaits. Am I ready? It doesn’t matter as long as His presence goes with me, proceeds me, and covers me. And He can do all 3 things at the same time, so I guess all this fretting has been an exercise in corporate futility…kinda like moving 50 feet to say “look what we did!” I reiterate: activity does NOT always equal productivity…but that’s just my 2 cents’ worth.

“6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.”
(Psalm 51:6-8)

Dusk/Nightfall: Time to Replenish

Posted by kayrencathcart

You know morning comes again after the darkness. And you still yourself and endure just a little while longer. The moon and the ever-changing sky palette were a perfect recap to this full week. Taking a moment to savor my progression was a welcome respite.

I took time for my cardio activity, not being concerned about anyone else for that 30 minutes. It wasn’t selfish; it was restorative. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that while my matriarchal role models could nurture the ever-living daylights out of someone (or everyone in their sphere of influence), they didn’t generally model self-care effectively – or at all. So I’m learning (of a necessity) how to do this now. Acknowledging that taking care of others doesn’t have to occur at the expense of neglecting myself. Balance is possible – when you make it an intentionally incorporated part of the process – it doesn’t happen on its own!

Sometimes my own self-care is the best of intentions with weak (or no) execution. Sometimes it’s trial-and-error. But sometimes – like today – I nail it! So I celebrate my success without guilt. Because what good am I to others if there’s nothing left to give? Exactly…

How can you intentionally celebrate your own prelude to joy this week? Give it some thought. Feel free to share in the comments if you’d like.

“5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
10 Hear, O Lord, and have mercy upon me: Lord, be thou my helper.
11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.”
(Psalm 30:5, 10-12 KJV)

Offline for System Maintenance

Posted by kayrencathcart

marred – spoiled, corrupted, ruined, injured, rotted

Preventive maintenance is better than a partial – or total – system failure (and subsequent shutdown)…mayday, mayday! Alert! Caution! Pay attention!

Though both scenarios involve not being able to access the system, when unavailability is planned, you can better prepare and respond. Making advanced arrangements and calculated adjustments can be smoother than in-the-moment, real-time reactions.

The off duty bus displays an “Out of Service” sign. Bathrooms do, too. “Closed for repairs.” “Pardon our progress.” So can a person hang an “Under Construction” sign around their neck? I’m just sayin’…it behooves us to be mindful of where people are in their process of being formed – or reformed – for the Master’s use and good pleasure.

“And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.”
(Jeremiah 18:4)

Planning Gone Mad: The Vacation That Wasn’t

Posted by kayrencathcart

Every parent has experienced that fleeting moment of fantasizing about what they’ll do when everyone else in their household is occupied and they get to hold in their hands the elusive concept of “free time.” I had scheduled the entire week after Thanksgiving for vacation away from work – last year, it looked like we’d use that time for a cruise to celebrate 18 years of marriage (“This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvellous in our eyes.” Psalm 118:23). However, still recovering from our family’s summer vacation travels, we agreed for the sake of practicality that our planned getaway week as a couple would become a “staycation.”

Therein lies the rub.

I had NO PROBLEM in my mind with being away from work assignments on my desk and my regular routine of meetings, conference calls, and status updates. Unfortunately, someone forgot to inform my children that I was on vacation. There is no way of reconciling in my brain getting up for a parent/teacher conference before the sun was up…which meant I was awakened by my alarm clock…during the second day of my vacation. Definitely not my idea of vacation. That just didn’t make any sense to me.

Just like my child being behind on assignments and having a questionably less-than-stellar grade and saying everything was okay in that class (hello? reality check!) didn’t make sense to me. This junior Nancy Drew had to investigate…and what I found was not pretty. It kept me up late that night (of the same day I’d gotten up EARLY) coaching the child to completion of the late assignments so they could be turned in ASAP.

And I realized with a wan smile: That’s life. There’s no glossy brochure, 24-hour buffets, or smiling concierges waiting on you hand and foot. Life is about responding to needs in a timely manner. My child needed me and my husband…immediately. And we responded accordingly. Because life is real and vacation is fleeting and temporary.

What happened to the relaxation I thought I’d earned? Yeah, I’m still waiting on that! LOL

I was grateful that we were home and available to address the immediate needs requiring parental attention (it took a united front of me and my husband to help triage the child over this hump). Surely, coming home to foolishness would’ve blown whatever temporary high we’d received from sun, sand, gentle breeze, and ocean waves. Yet, my week didn’t go as I’d planned. It rarely (if ever) does. Because I’m not in control. I don’t know why I keep getting surprised by this unchanging fact. But as I mature, I realize that it really is better that I’m not in control – because God IS!

Regardless of the shenanigans and antics, I am thankful for my week of vacation. It was a series of days that the Lord made for me to rejoice and be glad in – no matter what situations or circumstances arose. I was surrounded by those I love for an extended time when I could focus on them – and that is a priceless gift that couldn’t be purchased on Black Friday, Cyber Monday, or any day.

“This is the day which the Lord hath made;
we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
(Psalm 118:24)

Li’l Microphone Hogs: Sign ME Up

Posted by kayrencathcart

While driving to work this morning, I heard a classic gospel song, Sign Me Up (for the Christian Jubilee, write my name on the roll…). Instantly, I was transported back to my grandma’s Baptist church where I first sang in the Youth Choir. I smiled when I had to admit that – even 30+ years later – I still felt a li’l twinge of somethin’ thinking about my friend getting that solo (instead of me)…and I had to laugh. Granted, I had my own assigned solo, and I probably didn’t even want to lead “her song,” but for some reason at that time, seeing her take the microphone on that song just got my goat! LOL

As backup and fill-in director of my current church’s Youth Choir when needed, I got thrown into leading a rehearsal at a few minutes’ notice a couple of months ago. I was NOT ready for the 4 and 5 year-olds. No, really. My children are teenagers now, so all the dramatic stuff that goes along with that younger phase is in my rear-view mirror. As we worked on a song until the Director arrived, I got this burst of inspiration to let different children try the lead. When I asked for volunteers, all three of the littlest girls eagerly raised their hands. Uh oh, who to pick first?

Well, the one I selected to go first did a great job and had a strong voice. I gave the obligatory round of applause and prodded the children to encourage their fellow choir member for doing a fantastic job. When I pried the microphone from her hands to pass it to the second volunteer, I noticed that three lines into the song, the first leader was just standing there…not singing…sulking in protest. At age 5. Wow. I whispered to her, “Now we can’t be like that, sweetie; everybody gets a chance to praise the Lord with their voice!” Not easily cajoled, she was at least moving her lips by the end of the song, even if her heart was a few steps behind.

Whew – crisis averted! Until Volunteer #3 finally got her moment in the spotlight…and then I had two disgruntled soloists pouting at me from the front row. When the Director finally arrived (which seemed like an eternity later), I was more than glad to turn those tiny tot singers back over to her tutelage (I know my limitations, and I was nearing my “patient lovingkindness with a group of children on a Saturday morning” quotient)!

In retrospect, that was a humorous turn of events. But how often – as adults – do we still wish we had what someone else has? Do we know what it cost them to get it – or what sacrifices they continue to make in order to keep it? There’s no room in the Body of Christ for covetousness – we’ve gotta cut out the foolishness if we want to see our names on the Heavenly Roll!

“2 I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.
3 And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers,
whose names are in the book of life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.
5 Let your moderation be known unto all men.
The Lord is at hand.”
(Philippians 4:2-5, KJV)

“2 I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree and to work in harmony in the Lord.
3 Indeed, I ask you too, my true companion, to help these women [to keep on cooperating], for they have shared my struggle in the [cause of the] gospel, together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers,
whose names are in the Book of Life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, take pleasure in Him]; again I will say, rejoice!
5 Let your gentle spirit [your graciousness, unselfishness, mercy, tolerance, and patience] be known to all people.
The Lord is near.”
(Philippians 4:2-5, AMP)

Living Beneath Your Privilege?

Posted by kayrencathcart

princess-crown-vector-587966

It’s no fairy tale that we must build our spiritual muscles by trusting the Lord daily…

Once upon a (recent) time, there was a princess who had an S5 cell phone she’d kept for way too long. Her husband, the prince (who had upgraded to his S8 in a reasonable time frame of the warranty), had been telling her for over a year that she needed to get a new phone. But the princess (being the Most Frugal in all the kingdom), humbly decried his insistence as she was content with her old phone that was functioning quite well without the unnecessary bells and whistles, thank you very much, sir! Well, the day came (yesterday) when the princess could no longer plug the phone into its charger – the phone was warped beyond repair and the swollen battery (whoever heard of such?!) wouldn’t hold a charge (among other issues). In less time than it took to drive from work to the cell phone store, she became a textless princess…so sad…

Being the forward-thinking and savvy modern-day princess you’d expect, she came up with some potential alternatives to her quandary. Maybe she could pull out her old iPhone 4, recharge it (because of course the old charger was in her top drawer with all the other old stuff she just hadn’t let go of yet), and switch her current phone number back to that monstrosity of a contraption. The princess laughed out loud that it looked like a clunky crayon box (underneath its torn, outdated case that was barely holding on by a shred of rubber), but not being prideful, she recharged it, miraculously remembered the access code, and saw her last e-mails pop up…from 2014. That was not going to be a viable solution. Perhaps she could get one of those wireless charging pads…alas, a quick Google search confirmed that the old S5 phones were not compatible with that newfangled wireless charging technology. It looked like the princess would be forever relegated to communicating via tin cans and string…when all of a sudden…

The decisive, ever-ready, problem-solving prince drove his white horse to the cell phone store to save the day by doing recon for the erstwhile technology-deficient princess. At the prince’s instruction, the princess filed an insurance claim and was set to get a replacement phone shipped directly to her castle overnight…the same old S5 model. She was fine with that since she didn’t really want to change phones anyway, let alone pay to upgrade. However, since the phone was dead with no hope of resurrection, all the data she was trying to hold onto became eternally inaccessible in the blink of a battery-drained eye, and the princess had to be at peace with that – quickly. She wouldn’t get to transfer her contacts, photos, apps, or other precious information she held dear – they were all lost in the abysmal Moat of the Great Beyond.

When she got to her home computer (since she couldn’t read her e-mails from the hopelessly dead S5 phone), the princess saw the insurance claim was approved upon payment of her deductible AND she would receive an S7 phone (2 generations higher than the depreciating piece of junk she’d been pseudo-treasuring). How foolish she felt to have waited so long to receive, appreciate, embrace, and enjoy the gift her loving (and handsome!) prince had been trying to share with her all along! The princess had been living beneath her royal privilege, holding onto a counterfeit when the real thing was well within her reach; yea, it was her rightful inheritance.

At the time of this writing, the princess anticipates many moments of wonder and awe as she explores her new phone’s advanced technology and its expanded capacities beyond her wildest dreams. She looks forward to living happily ever after with the “right once again” prince after she purchases a new protective case to fit the blessing of the new cell phone she’d nearly missed out on.

Sound like anyone you know? Don’t pass up receiving the good things God has in store for you by leaning to your own understanding…I’d call to tell you about my personal testimony in that area, but I’m waiting for a phone delivery any moment now… 🙂

“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.”
(Psalm 34:8 KJV)

“8 O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good;
How blessed [fortunate, prosperous, and favored by God] is the man who takes refuge in Him.
9 O [reverently] fear the Lord, you His saints (believers, holy ones);
For to those who fear Him there is no want.
10 The young lions lack [food] and grow hungry,
But they who seek the Lord will not lack any good thing.”
(Psalm 34:8-10 AMP)

“5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

Veggie Tales: Choked Out

Posted by kayrencathcart

cucumber choked 7-23-18

We were only away on vacation for a week, but lack of rain and daily attention took a visible toll on our garden. Another cucumber had grown through the fence in and precarious manner. It looked like it was trying to escape, but the wire was wrapped precariously around a significant portion (the “neck,” I wondered?). In order to use it, a part of it would have to be sacrificed. There was no way to use this cucumber in its intact state. It would have to be cut to be used. I wondered wistfully, “Am I this cucumber, Lord? Have I gotten so fixed in my mindset and stuck in my way of doing things that I and no longer useful in my current state of entanglement?”

In the event that you don’t have a backyard garden that doubles as a reflective mirror, let me encourage you: later that morning, my wonderful hubby brought in a skinny-necked cucumber – in one piece – that looked almost like the one in this photo. I was heartened, and breathlessly asked how he extricated it from the wire. He said, “Carefully…but another one I had to break in half to release it.” I knew immediately that he had to break the cucumber in the photo, because the one he’d brought in was a bit smaller.

Immediately convicted, I repented in my heart. I don’t want to allow any of my surroundings (people, places, things, situations, or circumstances) to become the cares of this world that choke the Word in my life and cause me to become unfruitful. May we choose not to resist God at work in the gardens of our lives so we can bring forth fruit to perfection and maturity that glorifies Him.

“He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.”
(Matthew 13:22)

Veggie Tales: Dying on the Vine

Posted by kayrencathcart

cucumber shriveled 7-23-18

A shriveled cucumber in our garden caught my attention. Not able to provide nutrients or nourishment, it languished. I knew it would never make it to a salad on MY table! Its label said “cucumber,” but its presentation said “washed-up has-been.” Sure, it was in the right place, surrounded by like kind…but it was deficient (lacking something), and the overwhelming evidence of its inadequacy presented itself as the sun beat down mercilessly on all the garden’s inhabitants. It was a pitiful sight.

Could this offer a similar parallel to us in relation to those who surround us? We want to show that we’re just as healthy, healed, and whole as the next person, but deep down inside, we know that we require the touch of the Master Gardener to tend us back to vibrancy and vitality. Whether we need an adjustment of our intake of sun, water, fertilizer, or even the dreaded (but necessary) pruning, we know we need His presence.

Today, I encourage you to take every shriveled cucumber in your life, lay it at the Masters feet, and ask Him to do a work of restoration in you. It won’t likely be instantaneous, and it will probably involve process and obedience – but it’s worth it to be connected to your Divine Source. Stay connected to the True Vine, and watch Him cultivate something beautiful in your life.

“4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.”
(John 15:4-5)

Kayren Cathcart's Blog

Observations on daily life and inspiration for spiritual growth…

pressure

Truth in the Inward Parts

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

Purging My Burgeoning Past: Approaching the End of an Epoch

Dusk/Nightfall: Time to Replenish

Offline for System Maintenance

Planning Gone Mad: The Vacation That Wasn’t

Li’l Microphone Hogs: Sign ME Up

Living Beneath Your Privilege?

Veggie Tales: Choked Out

Veggie Tales: Dying on the Vine