Truth in the Inward Parts

I thought these flowers were beautiful – like truth!

I was riding in the car this evening and my wonderful hubby was talking to me. When I thought he was finished, I interjected something. He said, “You just corrected me and shot down my sweet words!” That really wasn’t my intention, so I quickly responded, “Oh, I’m sorry that I cut you off, sweetie.” But at that moment, I wasn’t sorry, and I wasn’t thinking he was a sweetie. I felt misunderstood, and I had to actively CHOOSE not to let something so minor turn into a full-blown offense. But I still got indignant and clammed up.

At that moment, the scripture about God “desiring truth in the inward parts” (Psalm 51:6) bubbled up and I heard a still, small voice saying, “You’re not being honest.” The Lord convicted me on-the-spot, right there in the car where I had nowhere to escape for the remainder of the ride. It stung!

So then I got indignant with God. Yeah – that was a pretty saucy (and utterly foolish) move since I’m pretty sure I saw some lightning accompany the raindrops falling on the windshield. I had to admit that He had found me and hit the bullseye right on the mark. I knew better as a mature Christian. I had to humble myself and repent – immediately.

Initially, I felt JUSTIFIED ‘cuz at least I was polite and respectful, right? WRONG – my feigned apology was not coming from a pure heart or a place of truth, so it was just empty words. And was that the stench of PRIDE I was trying to cover up with the sweet perfume of good manners and civility? The reflection in the Holy Ghost mirror was ghastly and anything but holy. Egads – woe is me, what a wretch undone am I! The hidden recesses of my innermost thoughts were severely contaminated with self-righteous indignation.

Lord, I pray that You continue to help me to walk in YOUR truth…because “my truth” (the popular catchphrase) is mired in self-deception. Help me to not lean to my own tainted and limited understanding, but to acknowledge You in ALL of my ways so YOU can direct my paths. Thank You for loving me enough to peel back the layers of the façade I’ve tried for so long to project – all so You can expose the toxic things that need to be removed from my life because they don’t please You or bring You glory. May I, in turn, extend lavish grace to others – as you have showered me with Your lovingkindness and tender mercies. Amen.

“Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts:
and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.”
(Psalm 51:6)

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest,
whatsoever things are just,
whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely,
whatsoever things are of good report;
if there be any virtue,
and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
(Philippians 4:8)

“I have no greater joy
than to hear that my children walk in truth.”
(III John 1:4)

The Case of the Vanishing Spud: A Hometown Whodunnit

Posted by kayrencathcart

Need a good laugh?
Here’s one at my expense – for free! Enjoy…
Perhaps I’ve been watching too much
Perry Mason, Law & Order, and NCIS? Nah!!!

7:30am – After getting up a little later than expected, I had an impromptu breakfast plan for this morning. It hinged on a baked potato I’d microwaved 2 days prior and stored in a plastic baggie with a twist tie. As I packed my lunch bag, the aforementioned potato was not on the shelf where I’d carefully placed it in plain sight the night before, and it was nowhere to be found. More than a little irritated, I hastily pivoted to grapes, tangerines, and a banana as my breakfast fill-ins.

The short list of potato-nabbing suspects is limited to my housemates. Granted, since each one is committed to helping me get over my recent GI disturbances, any of them could have tossed my tater in an effort to “keep mom healthy because she doesn’t like to throw stuff away before it’s too late for her own good.” In no particular order, here’s my take on the offender likelihood status of my immediate family members (names have been withheld to protect the not-so-innocent):

Suspicious Side-eye: Apt to have done it and not remember. Whether telling the truth or not, his shifty glance belies that “teen angel” face and usually makes him suspect in my mind.
Slim Shady: Sneaky enough to pull it off, cover her tracks, and then boldly declare that it’s MY fault the potato is missing. I gotta keep an eye on that Little Miss Think I Know It All chick…
Supreme Sith: Unapologetic about the outcome whether he did it or not, no worries consciously or not, intentionally or not… and dispassionate about the infinite valid reasons behind my lament.

Who was the real perp? Short of dusting my fridge and trash can for fingerprints, we may never know. I guess I’ll just have to learn to let it go and not say anything further, since nothing will bring back that elusive missing tuber. I’ll keep you posted on how that angle develops…

5:30pm – Of course I didn’t pass the “don’t say nothing” test (drat! I tried, but it was too irresistible to try and solve this conundrum of a caper with an improvised interrogation), but neither child owned up to seeing/touching/moving or otherwise knowing anything about my potato. I dared not ask my husband about something so trivial as he walked through the door after a long workday. So I tried once again to “let it go,” while the wonderings wandered through my mind as I cooked.

Breaking News Alert: One missing potato has been reunited with its owner at the end of the workday. The flustered woman who reported the missing tater (and is known for similar tirades when only one sock comes out of the dryer without its mate) was filled with relief when she located it behind the almond milk (of all places) while putting away dinner leftovers. Reportedly, an unknown party moved it from its rightful place on the bottom shelf to the hidden hinterland behind several cartons on the top shelf (who does that?!? Small things should ALWAYS go in front LOL). We’re delighted to call this case CLOSED; the owner plans a celebratory potato breakfast tomorrow morning! Alas, this is a great reminder to extend grace to those near and dear to you instead of jumping to hasty conclusions. Especially if it’s just a potato! 😊

“25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.”
(Mark 11:25-26)

“8 Either what woman having ten pieces of silver,
if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it?
9 And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost.”
(Luke 15:8-9)

Functioning, but Dysfunctional

Posted by kayrencathcart

dysfunctional – not operating normally or properly

A recent bout with black shower mold has become quite the personal vexation…but to the point that I’d finally do something about it? I cleaned it out the last 2 times – and here we are again, in the same grout lines, similar creeping (& creepy) pattern. Ironic that I’ve been cleansing myself in a less-than-ideally-clean setting…however, I digress. I reasoned that if the shower head hadn’t started leaking (last year), or if the leaky shower head had been replaced (which it was this week…and it still leaks), then the mold wouldn’t have a warm, moist environment in which to multiply its inherent ugliness.

Yet, it is futile to consider prevention at the point when remediation is required. So I have a decision to make: continue to angst over the slimy ickiness I’m semi-avoiding with shower shoes (for longer than I care to admit tolerating with utter disdain), or bust out the rubber gloves and cleanser (once more) and address the root cause that has become the bane of my daily hygiene routine.

Isn’t that how God addresses our sin when we’re functioning, but dysfunctional? He sees that repetitious things pop up in our lives once again, and still lovingly washes away the offenses with His efficacious Blood (that we can’t seem to get rid of on our own) until we are white as snow. I guess it’s time for me to bust some serious suds in that shower stall…once again.

Update: Fed up with the foolishness, I finally did clean it a week after severe aggravation became unbearable. While I breathed a sigh of relief for the upgrade, it looks like it still needs another round of scouring. It just goes to show that cleansing (both in the natural and in the spirit) is an ongoing process.

“16 Wash you, make you clean;
put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes;
cease to do evil;

18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD:
though your sins be as scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
(Isaiah 1:16, 18)

Can These Bones Yet Live Again?

Posted by kayrencathcart

When I saw the dry and shriveled-up rose earlier this month, I was saddened – it had been so beautiful as it bloomed, and I enjoyed seeing it from my window or when I drove past. However, my sadness didn’t last very long…I discovered new blooms in that same moment just by adjusting my perspective. When I shifted my glance from that which appeared to be dead, I saw that there was still vibrant life thriving not far away. My heart rejoiced while beholding the beauty!

May we receive our Heavenly Father’s gentle and poignant reminder that some things that appear to be dead are only dormant…and dormancy lasts for only a season before life re-emerges. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Let us rest in Him as we trust His process…cycles come AND go…and go AND come…

“Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him…”
(Psalm 37:7a)

“3 And he said unto me, Son of man, can these bones live?
And I answered, O Lord God, thou knowest.
4 Again he said unto me,
Prophesy upon these bones, and say unto them,
O ye dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.
5 Thus saith the Lord God unto these bones;
Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live:
6 And I will lay sinews upon you, and will bring up flesh upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you,
and ye shall live; and ye shall know that I am the Lord.”
(Ezekiel 37:3-6)

Thorns

Posted by kayrencathcart

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Though I never really thought much about the purpose of thorns (in my opinion, they’re kinda like mosquitoes, flies, ants, etc.), I know they’re a part of life…for flowers and for people. A quick internet search informed me that plants use thorns for protection – to prevent being crushed, walked on, or eaten. In that aspect, I guess they’re not that different from people, eh? 🙂 LOL

A couple of months ago, I took a morning walk and saw a huge and magnificent rosebush. Since I pass by it at least twice a day when driving, I decided to take a closer look. When I stooped closer to inspect the blooms, I was surprised to see a tangle of thorns at the base. Needless to say, I didn’t extend my hand to touch the pretty roses – they were certainly well-protected!

Consider the possibility that something you deem to be a thorn is functioning – unbeknownst to you – for your protection. A gift in disguise at work on your behalf. God extending His grace and strength to you in the midst of tough and painful situations and circumstances. I can definitely see it – can you? Beauty emerges around, in close proximity to, and in spite of our THORNS.

“7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me,
lest I should be exalted above measure.
8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice,
that it might depart from me.
9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee:
for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities,
that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches,
in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake:
for when I am weak, then am I strong.”
(II Corinthians 12:7-10)

Lifecycle: Phases of Growth

Posted by kayrencathcart

Rose in 3 stages

One frame encapsulated 3 phases of the growth cycle: life (center), death (bottom), and rebirth (unopened bud at the top). And they were all connected to the same root – that’s kinda wild. But it’s all interrelated and interconnected.

The other thing I can’t figure out for the life of me is how the roses on the SAME bush in my yard were clearly beige and pink blush in September 2018 (reference “Beauty in the Midst of Imperfection” 9/7/18 post), then they were yellow in this May 2019 photo, and when they re-emerged in July 2019, they were beige and pink blush again.

Chalk up yet another majestic win for the Creator of EVERYTHING! May we all continue to grow in Him…

“11 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.”
(Genesis 1:11)

“4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine;
no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit:
for without me ye can do nothing.
6 If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.
7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.
8 Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit;
so shall ye be my disciples.”
(John 15:4-8)

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

Posted by kayrencathcart

Trust me – this IS progress; the drawer WAS fully stuffed yesterday…

So a co-worker called me the offensive “h-word” today…no, not heifer…hoarder. I smarted as if I’d been stung by a bee, wondering where that zinger came from. I thought I had made progress. And I had, until it became incumbent upon me to prepare for the inevitable office move of less than 50 feet to the other side of the SAME floor (side glance – now what executive thought this was an efficiency-saver?! Riiight…). With 2 days to go, I was definitely under pressure and behind the power curve.

Honestly, I can understand my co-worker’s point (I know she meant no harm, and it really was ridiculous the amount of stuff I’d collected while sitting there since 2014 – and of course I brought a few things from previous roles, too. Or maybe more than a few, it seems…). I also understood the moving coordinators who stopped by ever-so-often to gently inquire if I was gonna make the “be off the floor ‘cuz the movers are here” Friday at 2pm deadline. As the pressure mounted, I felt myself getting more overwhelmed. (I’d already had a mini-meltdown when stripping the cube walls earlier in the week – everything looked so stark, empty, and blank. Then I saw my children’s baby pictures and reflected on my youngest now heading to high school and the tears started leaking out of my eyelids. It wasn’t a pretty moment. Thankfully, it passed quickly).

As I toted papers to the shred bin, another co-worker peeked her head out from behind her computer monitor – a new employee who I noticed like to write, just like me. However, I discovered her hidden superpower today: organizing. She watched me swoosh past her desk several times frantically ferrying the many small to mid-sized boxes I’d accumulated over years of administrative support “just in case someone needs ‘em, I’ve got ‘em!” Finally she asked me, “Are you OK?” And I sheepishly whispered that I’d just been called a hoarder and I needed to speed up my purging if I was gonna make the packing deadline without the movers tossing any remaining unpacked items – of which I had many lingering.

With a single sentence, she tossed me a lifesaver of hope, “When you get to your new cube, we’re going to get you off to a fresh, new, organized workspace.” Wow – someone who barely knew me was offering to help me (because it was obvious that I desperately needed assistance since my plan to keep accumulating and stuffing had finally reached the breaking point – no pun intended…I think my file drawers were at capacity).

So today’s lesson is this: At some point, you’ve gotta take some stuff out to maintain a healthy balance; you can’t keep shovin’ stuff in. This goes for emotions, relationships, food, whatever…

Let the cleansing continue.

My desk & shelves haven’t been this empty since I moved into this cube in 2014…I’m learning to travel lighter – that’s for sure!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”
(Psalm 51:10)

Moving Tales: Preparing to Sojourn

Posted by kayrencathcart

20190612_141113

To you, it may appear to be a messy gaggle of office products, but to me, the beautifully arrayed colors of these lovely items spell office product BLISS. Who knew that many binder clips lay nestled in my files, multiplying and plotting their takeover? (given the right moment and opportunity, it could happen…)

I was too embarrassed to even snap a pic of the “just in case” pineapple chunks that I’d obviously had so long that the can had popped, the product had disintegrated, crusted over, and evaporated to half its former juicy volume, and there was brown rust everywhere in that bag. Out of an abundance of caution, I tossed the can of lentil soup labeled “best before 2013.” Volunteering at Second Harvest Food Bank should’ve reminded me that there really is such a thing as shelf life. How is it that I hadn’t gone in that file drawer for so long that I was unaware of the biological hazard lurking behind me every day?! Geesh!

Is there never a time when I’m not in transition? Maybe God plans it that way so we constantly have to depend on HIM for strength, guidance, direction, instruction, correction – and to be sustained. Because growth doesn’t occur naturally when we stay in the same position too long. We’re built to grow and develop. It would look crazy for an almost-adult 12th Grader to sit in a kindergarten-sized chair every day. I know this, yet I balk when it comes time to change and get uncomfortable with something else unfamiliar. And since I’m not all-knowing (while God IS all-knowing), I should just embrace this as the way things are – by His divine design.

“8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
(Isaiah 55:8-9)

Purging My Burgeoning Past: Approaching the End of an Epoch

Posted by kayrencathcart

Old files that I decided to ROLL to the shred bin for the sake of time…and that was just the second load of the second day!

It’s an office move…these things happen every day, all around the world – why is this one impacting me so significantly? Why does it feel like a major theatrical production from my perspective? I mean, how sentimental is it to clean out old meeting agendas and filed, approved, and paid expense reports for a manager I don’t even support any more…and haven’t for over 3 years? She has moved on…why haven’t I? It may have something to do with my college friends recently revealing they nicknamed me MacGyver because I was always prepared. I laughed out loud…I guess I’ve always been the caring nurturer who tried to care for everyone and take care of everything. Until the accumulation became to great to bear – I ran out of emotional capital. So I find myself in more introspection and reflection.

Why the emotional attachment to stuff I haven’t touched in months…or years? I dare admit to myself that it a grasp for security of the familiar. Not that the familiar is even comfortable, but I kinda know what to expect. I know where to look if I need it, and that brings me some tinge of security…but is it a false peace? Is it misplaced trust? Well of COURSE it is, silly rabbit!

If I’m honest with myself, I think it’s because just about every area of my life is going through transition at the same time…and it’s absolutely uncomfortable and terrifying. Yet at the same time, maybe I have a bit of hopeful expectation of something different, better, fresh, not yet experienced. It has the potential to be exhilarating and scary – but yielding great new growth…like in a forest after a brush fire kinda way. New day, new beginnings.

I’ll be sitting in a different seat, in a different position, with a different vantage point. So looking at the same familiar things will appear different. And maybe that’s what God has wanted for me all along…yield, surrender, give in…again…for the first time…another adventuresome journey awaits. Am I ready? It doesn’t matter as long as His presence goes with me, proceeds me, and covers me. And He can do all 3 things at the same time, so I guess all this fretting has been an exercise in corporate futility…kinda like moving 50 feet to say “look what we did!” I reiterate: activity does NOT always equal productivity…but that’s just my 2 cents’ worth.

“6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.”
(Psalm 51:6-8)

Dusk/Nightfall: Time to Replenish

Posted by kayrencathcart

You know morning comes again after the darkness. And you still yourself and endure just a little while longer. The moon and the ever-changing sky palette were a perfect recap to this full week. Taking a moment to savor my progression was a welcome respite.

I took time for my cardio activity, not being concerned about anyone else for that 30 minutes. It wasn’t selfish; it was restorative. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that while my matriarchal role models could nurture the ever-living daylights out of someone (or everyone in their sphere of influence), they didn’t generally model self-care effectively – or at all. So I’m learning (of a necessity) how to do this now. Acknowledging that taking care of others doesn’t have to occur at the expense of neglecting myself. Balance is possible – when you make it an intentionally incorporated part of the process – it doesn’t happen on its own!

Sometimes my own self-care is the best of intentions with weak (or no) execution. Sometimes it’s trial-and-error. But sometimes – like today – I nail it! So I celebrate my success without guilt. Because what good am I to others if there’s nothing left to give? Exactly…

How can you intentionally celebrate your own prelude to joy this week? Give it some thought. Feel free to share in the comments if you’d like.

“5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
10 Hear, O Lord, and have mercy upon me: Lord, be thou my helper.
11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.”
(Psalm 30:5, 10-12 KJV)

Kayren Cathcart's Blog

Observations on daily life and inspiration for spiritual growth…

progress

Truth in the Inward Parts

The Case of the Vanishing Spud: A Hometown Whodunnit

Functioning, but Dysfunctional

Can These Bones Yet Live Again?

Thorns

Lifecycle: Phases of Growth

Cleansing Cometh: More Transition…Really?!

Moving Tales: Preparing to Sojourn

Purging My Burgeoning Past: Approaching the End of an Epoch

Dusk/Nightfall: Time to Replenish